Diploma is going to make my head explode!!!!

Meg82 · ‎25-08-2013

I have been through a long road with severe depression and anxiety and I am only just at a stage where my doctor feels I can do it without medication anymore which is like winning lotto for me I was just so proud and happy. In the midst of things though I am doing a diploma in counselling as I felt having gone through what I have that I have a lot to share in building strength and coping mechanisms for depression and anxiety. I would really like to get the word out there about using art therapies to help divert some of the negative feelings to something creative as it helped me very much. Anyway that's all well and good but I have three children and getting each module in is hard enough but for every module the markers love to just pick pick pick at the little things and have me resubmit for the tiniest reasons and its driving me NUTS! I swear it could end me back on medication the way they are and no one really understands why i get SO ANGRY.

School has always been a struggle for me and this will be the first thing I have seen through as now I am 30 I can cope better with school and my mental illness than when I was a teenager so this is huge for me to start with but each module I get done I get done while having kids whinging and changing dirty nappies/potty training. Trying to break up fights and woe betide if dinner isn't on the table on time then I have these pain in the ass markers who I know for a fact are 10 years younger than me and some have probably never been through some of the things I have telling me how best it should be dealt with! OMG! Then telling me to resubmit tasks from the module when the next module I have to do I am running behind time on thanks to the million other things I have to deal with. Some of it is rediculous! I have to admit I am probably a very solutions focused person and that's not going to suit everyone. I see a problem and I start to search for the best road to solve it bang its done lets move forward. I live my whole life like that and I think it might have to do with my anxiety I would worry if I didn't have things that way but its very difficult for me to even get this stuff done the first time and they want things redone.

I feel stressed out and I just wish I could scream right now because it really messes with that nasty little depression bit of my brain that says "give up your not going to get it done, its too hard". It makes me angry with the markers and just feel like its not worth it. Even though it is because I know it would be a huge achievement for me to finish this course as it will be the first one I finish since I even started high school and I really want to prove to myself I can do it and I know I am smart at it because other people say I am but I just hate that all these resubmissions are making it hard for me to fight that little demon I have and get through. God I wish the markers would cut me some slack lately I am feeling burnt out.

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎26-08-2013

Dear Meg,

Changing deadlines - what could be worse ! You might find out that some of these changes are getting you to hand in work very early, say, earlier than the official deadline. Might be something illegal going on there just for the convenience of the course monitors/teachers. Very hard to keep calm with pressure on top of pressure.

Adios, David.

chtpsy · ‎27-08-2013

Hi Meg82,

Thanks for writing. Markers can be hard can't they? It's almost like they need to prove what they know, by proving what you might not already know (because you are a student). Hang in there. You obviously have done it so far, and to do it with 3 children and underlying depression issues means that you are doing it harder than a lot of students. You should be proud of your achievements thus far, and continue to strive for your goal because it matters to you, not anybody else. Think of what an inspiration you are to your children by studying- they can see how hard you work and they can see that they could do it too if they worked hard.

Perhaps you could engage in some cardio exercise to vent your frustration? If you can go for a run or bike ride- something to get your heart rate up- you can benefit from the release of happy chemicals in your body and the exertion can help with built up frustration. Have you tried boxing? Do something that challenges you- that way, you can have the chemical release, the feeling of achievement and the knowledge that you did something for yourself and, you did it well. The markers can't mark your exercise! The knock-on effect of exercise can be weight loss, clearer skin, better health and higher self esteem as you see the results of your hard work. You just sound like you need to do something for yourself and going for a run or doing some boxing for example, is free and can be done in the spare room or by running up the street.

I hope this is of some help. Hang in there and speak to your practitioner about coming off your meds- perhaps s/he can give you some coping strategies.

Meg82 · ‎31-08-2013

Thankyou so much I have thought about getting a boxing bag actually to vent the frustration. We have just finished doing suicide prevention role plays today and I feel like I did really badly. I feel like suicide prevention is totally out of my depth. We really have a short time to go through each module and this one needs waaaaaaaay longer on learning about it because I feel like I am coming to the end of the module with still not having a clue. I mean I have been on the end of being the suicidal person and I kind of still don't know how I got through it the only way I did was by focusing on my kids and the fact they need me around. Its really hard to counsel anyone in that situation and I still feel lost. I am just glad the role plays are over now this has been the most emotional module for me and I do not like it. Its been nearly 3 years now since I myself was in the place of being suicidal but I really don't like to think about it because it was such a very sad place to be and I really think there is no right way to go about counselling someone who is suicidal at the end of the day its a really touchy subject and everyone has their opinions on how best to deal with it. Its really clear to me by doing the module that not much is really known about suicidal tendencies and its a difficult subject. Bring on getting that boxing bag lol.

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎15-09-2013

Dear Meg,

Did you get your assignments in ?

Role playing suicide prevention seems worse than actually being in the situation for real. I've had a couple of attempts and life had piled up way too much plus the 20+ years of bipolar kicked in. Before I really thought about it I was losing control and really wanted to seek a way out. Probably looking for the triggers is the best solution. It only takes ONE thing to push things too far - what they call "the tipping effect", i.e. you are balanced but one end gets added to negatively by increasing ammounts until eventually you hit rock bottom and it's tough to get back up.

Marketing companies use this same strategy for flooding the market with their new product. Pretty soon you see it everywhere and believe you have to buy it !

Adios,David.