Always looking forward

[Max15]

 Not sure if I should be on this forum. I'm always looking forward and never satisfied with now.  It has affected my previous marriage and is now affecting my new relationship.  I have nothing to be sad about, I have a great relationship (as I did previously) I have a beautiful house, good job but can't get my head to be satisfied.  I never feel good enough.  Not sure what to do or if I really need to do anything except ignore.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Max15

Just a quick post to say hi - thank you for posting to the forums tonight and welcome to our wonderful online community!

Reading your post we can't help but think that what you're describing is partly a lack of being able to stay mindful and present - in the moment. Can we ask have you ever practiced any mindfulness or even perhaps any meditation, yoga practices, or other activities that create a calm, focused attention and/or skill development for a sustained period of time? (eg playing a musical instrument, playing tennis, etc)?

If not, we highly recommend you look into the benefits of considering taking up a practice like this, and also encourage you to perhaps look into accessing some counselling and/or CBT practices (CBT stands for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). Let us know what you've already tried?

One point we'd like to remind you (and anyone reading this post), is that mindfulness practices do not "work" straight away. Just as going to the gym and learning to lift weights for a month or so regularly before you will start seeing benefits, the same is true of mindfulness and/or any other skill base practices...

We'd also like to invite you to phone us and chat to our BB counsellors any time you feel you might benefit from having a chat. We're available 24/7, it's completely confidential and our counsellors are all fully qualified. You can call us on 1300 22 4636, or perhaps you'd even prefer our online chat service (typing instead of talking)?

We're looking forward to hearing what the community has to say and encourage you to look around and participate on other threads too!

Kind regards,

Sophie M

 

[geoff]

Hello Max, you may have everything you want in life, but this won't stop the onslaught of depression, which can happen to anyone for no apparent reason and may begin by something so small that usually wouldn't worry you, but now it slowly builds up and becomes a concern which affects you in every way possible.

You have every right to post on the forums and this is something you can't ignore, because it may get worse and even if it does go away, doesn't mean it won't happen again.

When you visit your doctor ask them about the 'mental health plan', this entitles you to 20 Medicare paid sessions to speak with a psychologist, so then may be able to give you strategies on how you can overcome this feeling.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[jaz28]

Hi Max15,

I am sorry you feel this way. I think it is quite common for humans to think about the past and future a lot. We are highly intelligent beings with the unique ability to plan ahead and learn from the past - in fact, it is one of the things that set up apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. However, it can be destructive if you are never in the present. Mindfulness is considered a therapy for a reason - because a lot of people struggle to be fully present. Our lives are so fast-paced these days that we sometimes forget to stay in the moment. Meditation and gratitude are grounding activities that I find helpful to bring me back to the present. Writing a list of what you are grateful for right now at this moment is a very helpful technique. It really helps me when I feel like I am losing sight of what really matters - what I have right now. Maybe you could try this? 

Another helpful tip is to seek advice from a psychologist about this, they can help you with some therapy techniques to assist you in staying present. 

I hope this improves for you!
Jaz xx

[Petal22]

Hi Max15,

Thank you for posting and you are very welcome to these forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it’s hard when we don’t seem to have control of our attention.

Some of our supportive community members have already given you some great advice.

Practicing staying in the present moment is exactly what I believe you may need to practice.

It does take practice and repetition to do this but once you can master it it’s very beneficial.

Our attention is like a muscle and it needs exercise.

Practice gratefulness and tell yourself great things about your self.

Sometimes our minds can be very busy, it’s part of being human but there is a part of you inside yourself that can learn to just sit back and observe what the mind is doing and not get caught up in it.

As others have mentioned meditation and mindfulness, these are a great practice to learn and engage in.

You could practice saying positive affirmations to yourself.

I am grateful 

I am love 

I am worthy 

What we think will eventually become our reality.

We create our outer world by our inner thoughts and perceptions and we all have the power within us to change these if we feel that our current ones aren’t serving us well.

Make your thoughts about all the beautiful things you have in your life in this present moment.

You get to generate these thoughts.

Eventually your reality will begin to change once you change your inner dialogue.

It takes practice.

[ecomama]

Hey Max, 

Is it a "perfect" life you seek? 

You never feel good enough for whom? 

Referring to the School of Life's many MH professionals' research.... "it doesn't matter what the question is, the answer is look to your childhood". 

I think you and I both know that ignoring won't work. 
What could help A LOT is untangling the Family Of Origin (FOO) "stuff" you were conditioned with intentionally or even because of a "lack of" in that era. 

What do you think? 
EM