Year 12 has been a miserable experience.

[MysteryManGuy]

The title is honestly an understatement. I've been struggling with mental health issues for a long time (nothing to the point of a disorder, but nonetheless) and year 12 has been such a horrible period so far.

First of all, I just wanna point out that I've always hated school, especially mine. I've hated the people here for so long, I hate the culture in the students and the teachers (particularly the more powerful teachers).

My experience in school over the past 6-8 years has been one of a 'burned out gifted kid', which in a nutshell is just a kid who was academically successful but fell off as they got older, and becoming unmotivated, irresponsible and depressed as a result. I thought at least this year would be different and I'd have a fresh start and new perspective.

What came out of it in the end? I barely study. I wanted to study daily for at least a few hours, but I don't even study every day. My school is a shitty public school too, so there's no way in hell I'm gonna do well in this rate. My SAC scores aren't good. I'm barely passing my Maths and Chemistry SACs, the subjects I wanted to well in the most, and I've lagged behind others so much, which is bad considering I'm doing VCE. There goes my rankings, I guess.

I don't know how I can ever go on like this. There's such high expectations set for me mainly because of my past, and mainly from myself and my family. I always feel like I'm never good enough. I always feel like I'm screwing up everything. I always feel like I'm letting people down. My goal was to get at least an ATAR of 82 for my course, but I've been such a disaster that it seems impossible. My future prospects seem pointless now. I don't even feel the same ambition I've felt in the past. I don't know what I want anymore. All I'm ever doing is watching myself fall apart and it's killing me. Nothing has improved.

Aside from my "academics," my life outside of schoolwork is nothing short of pathetic. In school, I barely have any meaningful friendships, I feel like a burden to others all of the fucking time and I socialise like I've never spoken to people in my life. I come across as a loser to others and it's becoming more obvious to me that they see me in the same light as time passes. It's been , and been so for who knows how long. I don't have a job. I don't have any other things going on for me. 

I don't really know what else to say. I have so many thoughts that I can't put into words in relation to this. I just want things to change.

[Sophie_M]

Hi There MysteryManGuy

Thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It sounds like you’re going through a really difficult time, and we can hear your situation is really having an impact on how you’re feeling day-to-day. Is there anyone that you feel able to discuss this with?

We’re reaching out to you privately to offer some support. In the meantime, we’d really encourage you to give us a call on the Beyond Blue Support Service. We are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 and our counsellors are really good at talking people through moments like this and working out options for more support. You can also reach out online, here.
Another option would be ringing Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), who can talk things through with you, and help you to plan for your safety. The Beyond Blue safety planning app might be worth looking at, too. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline and compete it with one of their counsellors over the phone.

If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency, and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.

Kind regards,

Sophie M
ModSupport

[Farrealm]

Hi MysteryManGuy,

Thanks for sharing and I am sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. If you haven’t already, are you able to reach out to a school counselor or talk to a psychologist? You are saying your mental health issues are “nothing to the point of a disorder” but it sounds like you are really struggling and can probably use a bit of professional help.

Although it was some time ago for me, I think I can relate to your school experience, especially your “burned out gifted kid” comment. Struggling with mental health issues like anxiety and depression (in my case due to my upbringing and underlying ADHD) can make it really difficult to do well, especially as school progresses and life starts putting more and more demands on you. School can be a tough place at the best of times and having all this stuff on top doesn’t help.

You clearly care and want to do well, which sounds pretty motivated to me! It is just not working out right now. Please try to not think poorly of yourself. I know that’s hard but your struggles don’t make you less of a person. I don’t know your personal circumstances but try to reach out to people around you, much like you have done here in this forum. With time and the right help it will get better.

Thinking about your future prospects, keep in mind that your ATAR score isn’t a huge deal in the long run. There are so many ways you can get into courses afterwards. I know people who struggled all the way through high school and jumped from one course to the next until they really found their place. If you fail at chemistry or mathematics there are bridging courses that will teach you all you need to know in six weeks. Nothing that can’t be fixed.

It’s more important to get mentally healthy and stay focused on the people that care about you and the things that really interest you.

Warm Regards

Farrealm

[therising]

Hi MysteryManGuy

I'm wondering whether there's anyone in your immediate or extended family you could possibly talk to about your struggles, someone who could offer you some form of guidance. It can definitely be tough when we can't see the way ahead and there's nothing quite like someone to guide us and support us on our path.

There can be so many non obvious reasons for struggle, including school based struggles. When it comes to school, Farrealm mentions a couple of reasons for struggle (upbringing and ADHD). As my son discovered in year 12 last year, the serious lack of focus that can come with level 1 high functioning autism proved to be a massive struggle. He was diagnosed in year 11, based on his increasing struggle with school. The poor teaching ability of some teachers can also help explain struggle. Academic burnout and the increased complexity of the work can be a couple more.

While ADHD, autism or AuDHD (the 2 combined) may never have been a problem for someone in the past, they can become a problem in the hardest year of school. While upbringing may never have been a massive problem in the past, the kind of upbringing that reflects a lack of really solid guidance and support can become a problem. While 2nd rate teachers may not have been an enormous problem over the years, in the lead up to and including year 12 this can become a enormous problem (something my son found). This can lead to the need for a tutor, aka 'a great teacher'. The increased complexity of the work can create a demand for a tutor, something my daughter discovered in year 12 a few years back.

Something Farrealm also mentions is 'pathways'. While this is something my son was led to explore, based on the fact he wasn't going to achieve the ATAR he would need in order to study marine biology at uni (something he'd wanted to do since he was 4), he's been led to discover pathways of a more extensive nature. Unfortunately we don't get given a map when we come into this world. Part of life's challenge is to become an explorer and cartographer. In his detour, on the way to eventually studying marine biology, my son's goal is to get a job and 'make bank', explore financial investments, maybe travel a bit, meet new people and gain an education in life in other ways. Part of that education includes developing mental health and serious focus strategies amongst other life skills. All these things will come with challenges.

Academically, we're typically taught the 'straight line' approach which is study, study and study to get into uni and study. Doesn't get more straight forward than that. Life is rarely ever straight forward. It can require some serious mapping skills, something that can be offered by a really solid and experienced guide.