What happens when you don’t know?

[Saroseme]

I’m getting pretty sick of things, not gonna lie.

I just don’t know how to feel, how to act anymore.

School started up, which brang some new drama, and issues. (Y’know, all the good stuff)

Its just making me feel more and more sick of everything, like, I’m ok, but, am I?

Im just really confused,

i want it be ok, I want to be positive like the other girls, I want to be happy like the other girls,

but, I can’t.

I wanna be different, I want to change,

but I can’t, and that’s getting to me.

I want to be like the other kids, and, for the most part, I’m not.

Why does that get to me?

The other kids can be happy, feel happy,

and I can too, but,

theres something different,

I feel fake

Does anyone know how to handle school, and kids, things like that?

(I don’t really know anymore, taking things in your stride stops working after you start to realise it. Getting through the school day is getting harder to manage, and, considering I’ve barely started, is gonna be difficult to keep up with.)

Would be much appreciated,

Sam

[MsPurple]

HI Sam

I finished high school uni nearly 10 years ago (next year, wow). I, like many others on the forums, know how tough school can be.

Have you talked to your family or friends about how you feel. I found talking about it has been helpful.

Have you ever discussed these feelings with a doctor or anyone else. I went to a youth mental health service called headspace. I went there while I was struggling at uni. I wish I had gotten help sooner. I found it really helpful. They have many locations in Australia as well as an online service. Maybe have a look into it www.headspace.org.au

What makes you feel like you can not feel happy?

[PamelaR]

Hi Sam

We spoke awhile ago. I think before you started back at school. Sorry to hear things haven't settled for you. Ms Purple has give you some great ideas.

Maybe have a read of the threads you've been writing in, people have posted things to you. Have you had a read of these? Have you tried any of their suggestions?

[therising]

Hi Sam

I feel for you so very much. When things seem out of control it can sometimes feel like being stuck in a maze of thoughts and emotions without knowing which way to head. 'How do I get out of this?' or 'What direction do I take?' can become the sort of questions that plague us.

My daughter is 16 and my son is 13 and whether their challenges involve school or life in general, they know my #1 question will be 'How are you going to manage this?' If they have no plan in mind and/or if their troubles are deep, I will encourage them to 'Manage with help/assistance' (involving myself or someone else). This is something MsPurple has touched on, in speaking of Headspace. PamelaR has also suggested having a look at previous threads, in the way of assistance.

As I say to my kids, just about everything in life is managed in some way, whether we're conscious of it or not. From us managing our 1st steps as toddlers (hanging onto furniture to gain greater balance) through to managing the challenges that come with aging, that amazing computer up there in our skull plays a significant part in how we deal with things. So, it may become a matter of establishing or installing new 'mental programs' or skill sets for coping.

Turning to people who are educated in the 'mental programing' aspect or skill development is sometimes the key to unlocking our true abilities. Whether speaking with a school counselor, contacting Headspace or speaking with your GP about mental health issues (and perhaps gaining a referral in the way of more specific help), seeking assistance could be #1 on your list of planning when it comes to navigating that maze I mentioned earlier. It also can't hurt to suss out the chemistry side of things, what can sometimes impact our perception and energy levels (blood tests for iron, b12, thyroid function etc). Googling 'the 4 chemicals for happiness' may also provide some insight.

Sam, there's a big difference between the phrases 'What am I going to do?' and 'How am I going to manage this?' The 1st can leave us feeling a little helpless. The 2nd calls us to consciously plan how we're going to move forward. If there's an outstanding adult in your life (mum, dad, aunt etc), is it possible to speak with them in the way of positive constructive guidance and support? By the way, whatever you do, don't settle for the advice 'You'll be right' for this in no way involves management of any kind.

Take care Sam and seek out those who are able to help you manage

[Saroseme]

Hi,

Thank you for the reply,

Ive tried to talk to my family, I just don’t know how to that well.

Its kinda confusing.

There is a Headspace center near(ish) to where I live, but I prefer to talk to people online, I dunno, I guess it’s embarrassing (?).

But I guess it more I don’t know how to answer the questions like - “what do you want to happen?” Or “how do you think you can help yourself?” Sorta thing.

I guess that’s what I need to think about,

thank you again,

Sam

[Saroseme]

Hi PamelaR,

Great to hear from you again,

Yeah, I guess it’s a pain that schools not going well, it was expected though.

I have seen and read many suggestions, on my threads and many others, I do actually do a lot of things recommended to help, and most normally do, it’s just, I guess it gets overwhelming at times,

I will go read back on some threads again to check if I’ve missed anything,

Thank you,

Sam

[Saroseme]

Hi,

Thank you for the great reply, I find it insightful,

I do agree completely on how the phrases mean quite a lot, but to be the same thing, and the “maze” in this situation, it’s just, I don’t know where to start, of course, talking to someone would be helpful and a great start, but I find it too hard, I feel stupid, I’m not sure,

It’s weird, how it works, talking to people online is more comfortable than irl, which is an issue, I’m trying to find a way around doing that, when in reality, you kind of have to (speak out) if you want to change something, so I’m not really sure where to go as of now.

Thank you for the kind words,

Sam

[Paw Prints]

Hello Sam,

You said "It’s weird, how it works, talking to people online is more comfortable than irl," Can I suggest to begin with you write down the things what you want to say on paper and then you can give the paper to the person your trying to explain things to - like your GP. Also you might find keeping a journal helpful. This doesn't have to be just about the things that aren't going well, but also about the good things that happen (even little things like - 'I saw the cutest puppy ever today' ). Many people find writing things down helps to clear the muddle in their head.

Best wishes

Paw Prints

[therising]

Hi Sam

It's definitely hard to imagine speaking to someone about issues when we can't quite pinpoint exactly what our issues are in the first place. What do we say? How do we start?

When it comes to mental health professionals, they are typically leaders. They are trained to not only lead you to answers but also lead you to begin asking the right questions, on a quest for answers. I'll try and keep this example as brief as possible, which is hard seeing that that the sort of dialogue I'm talking about can take a full session or multiple sessions. Anyhow...

• Hi Sam, how are you?
• Okay
• What brings you here?
• I don't know. I can't put it into words. I don't know where to start.
• What kind of day did you have at school today?
• It was challenging
• How was it challenging?
• I just don't like school at all
• What do you like least about school
• I feel, in a way, like I don't fit in
• What do you think it takes to fit in?
• Being happy. Being good at certain subjects
• Tell me something that leads you to feel happy in life
• My cat/dog/pet hamster etc etc (just examples of course)
• How do you feel when you're with your pet?
• I feel like I can be myself

As I say, this sort of dialogue can go on for a while and be a little less direct or straight to the point but this gives you a bit of an idea of how it works. If you look back over the dialogue, you can see the person's leading questions. They're questions that lead you to open up. This person is doing most of the work.

It's important you consider speaking with someone who can make a positive difference at this point in your life. Myself, I began a lot of self-questioning around the age of 16 or so. By the time I reached 20 I was beginning to experience depression. My depression continued for 15 years before I finally came out of it. If I had addressed my initial issues in the early part of my life, things may have turned out very different. We don't have to experience trauma or abuse to feel deeply impacted by the challenges of life. A variety of factors can impact how we identify our self. Tackling identity issues from the get go can have us relating to life through a constructive frame of mind.

Give some more thought to speaking with someone who can lead you to identify yourself in positive ways. You might feel more comfortable if you are able to choose (to a degree) factors like the gender, age range or nature of the person you wish to speak with.

Take care

[Saroseme]

Hi Paw Prints,

thank you,

I think that’s something I’ve been doing, and it does come very handy, I’m just building up that courage to actually show someone what I think,

thank you again,

Sam