Um, hi there!

[Gchi]

So i have absolutely never done this kind of thing before and have no idea what to do so ill just rant about me i guess...

I'm a painfully lonely 17 year old male living in a boring town full of people who pretend I don't exist, or just don't notice me. I've always been terrified of seeking help because I have lived a peaceful but utterly boring life where almost nothing tragic has happened and always though i wasn't depressed or anxious or anything it was just a phase or something. This has never been helped by the fact my twin always made fun of depressed people due to them being "attention-seeking" or "fake" so i was always afraid to speak out. But after being scolded by my one and only friend to get help here i am. Basically up until maybe 3 years ago i had been insanely sheltered and never really knew many emotions, until my first relationship where everything that could go wrong, did, and after my first heartbreak my sheltering backfired and eventually I went down a spiral of constant anxiety and sadness. Until now i just put up with it hoping it would get better at some point, but i'm beyond done and just want to be happy.

SO. I have one friend and no social life, iv'e always tried to stand out as much as i can and force people to notice and remember me. This has never worked. After 12 years people still call me by my twins damn name and despite trying over and over again no one is interested in befriending me or talking to me at all. I'm utterly terrified i'm going to graduate with an entire childhood completely wasted with no chances of redemption in my adult life...

So here I beg of you, dear person who just read through an annoying child's rants, how do i heal a broken heart? How do I get valuable friends who care? How do I abandon these worthless emotions that plague me? How can i get people to act like I even exist?

Thank you, sorry this was so long iv'e never been good at summarising.

[geoff]

Hello G@chi, and a warm welcome which takes an enormous amount of courage to post a comment.

Feeling as though you aren't depressed or suffering from anxiety could mean you are in denial, although I'm not qualified to say but have been in exactly the same situation myself, andI'm also a twin, fraternal.

I have also felt the same as how you feel, not being recognised, although I've never ever had any problem with my twin anytime at all, so I'm very sorry this has happened.

Everybody can make a mistake, it's unavoidable, no one could ever be right in every decision they make, so we should be forgiven and given the opportunity for a second chance.

What we do and what we remember from growing up, can lay a base on how we are able to perform later on in life, then we can build on it, learn from it in a positive way or with a negative and/or detrimental attitude, but we can only believe how we feel at that present time, and if you need to talk to someone then your doctor or perhaps KidsHelpline 1800 55 1800 either by phone, webchat or online.

I can certainly feel for this situation you are in and hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[josh1245]

hi G@chi and also I would like to welcome you to this wonderful community and also applaud for your strength and courage in seeking help. I would just like to say that you are not alone In this fight you have the whole beyondblue community to support you in this journey. firstly I would just like to say that these feelings that you are what I have experienced before and a lot of people in this community have experienced before. these feelings don't make you weird or strange or different millions and millions of people experience these issues and this just proves that you are not alone. secondly I would like to highlight that it is ok not to be okay these are very human emotions and it doesn't make you strange or different every human beings experiences feelings like these from time to time. just because your a male doesn't mean your not allowed to show emotion human beings are emotional animals and that means you too. I would recommend going to your gp and talking about your feelings are what your experiencing to them and them referring you to a qualified professional which would allow you to take control over your demons.

[therising]

Hi G@chi

It's definitely tough when you're a naturally conscious sensitive person surrounded by a lot of thoughtless insensitive people. I know, sounds a bit harsh so I'll elaborate:

• Is it natural to want to understand your emotions? Absolutely! There are a lot of benefits to this. Is it natural to suppress them or ignore them like people may encourage you to do? Far from natural
• Is it natural to be recognised when you stand out or are outstanding? Absolutely! Is it natural that people would ignore an outstanding person? No, it indicates ignorance
• Is it natural (or 'fake') that constant suppression or oppression would lead to depression? Yes. Is it natural that someone would want attention in their search for answers as to why they feel the way they do or should they enjoy being ignored? Give me attention any day. I naturally thrive on getting answers to all the things I wonder about. I often question people
• Is it natural for someone who seeks a life of excitement to simply accept a life of boredom? Painfully unnatural a lot of the time. It goes against their nature. Should people be telling them to accept a life of boredom? Absolutely not!. Should people be helping them search for more exciting ways of living? Absolutely! Everyone should be enthusiastically raising this person to possibility

I could go on but instead I'm going to ask 'What is wrong with all the people around you?' Are they content with being thoughtless and insensitive. They may not entirely be thoughtless and insensitive, you're just sensitive enough to be picking up on it. There are a lot of benefits to being sensitive, including picking up on the nature of those around us. Seeing we thrive on raising our self to higher consciousness/understanding, could it be that you're feeling the incredible discomfort that's related to an intolerable lack of thriving? You do sound like a natural who can't stand your environment any longer.

It's interesting when you take a step back and start looking at the behaviour of others; you can be left thinking 'Am I the only sane person here?' All the while you may have been thinking, up 'til then, 'What's wrong with me?' You come to realise the answer to 'What's wrong with me?' is 'Nothing. I'm simply natural and can't tolerate anything that's not (natural)'. With this revelation you can begin looking toward inspiration because this is what you naturally thrive on. It drives you.

Time is never wasted in the lead up to such a life changing revelation 🙂