I feel like a disappointment

[chicken127]

Ever since I entered year 9, my mental health has went down by a lot. Everyday I feel like a disappointment to my parents and my friends. I go to a school that's highly competitive in school grades and my grades are average and sometimes even below average in maths. I feel that school is one of the main reasons but even I know that it's my own fault. I'm not that popular, have good grades or excel at sports; I'm just all around average. But when I try to study for Maths I can't stop crying over how stupid I am and how I'll never be able to get into my desired university. I have a loving family and nice parents, but I don't know why I feel like this because they don't place heavy burdens on me and I feel happy with them. I have a great relationship with my friends as well but I always feel like I will disappoint them once they see my grades and my true self. I can't stop thinking about running away and quitting school but I know I can't do that because everyone will get disappointed in me. I cry over the smallest things and think about how I'm stupid almost everyday, but I can't find the motivation to do anything to reach my goals. I don't have a purpose to find in life, I don't even know what I want to do in university and afterwards. In whole, I just feel like a huge disappointment to everyone I know but I don't know why I feel this way and I'm too scared to talk to my friends and family about it.

Do you guys have any advice? thank you :))

[Sophie_M]

Hey Chicken127, welcome to the Beyond Blue community. Thanks for joining us here and sharing your journey with us. 

We can hear that school is really stressful for you at the moment and you feel a lot of pressure to do well. We understand how tough school life can be with all the expectations we feel we need to live up too. It makes sense that you are looking for a bit of support yourself, that's a lot to deal with. Please know that you're not alone, and there is help available to you. We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline -https://kidshelpline.com.au/ It sounds like you're in a really tough situation and it might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. We hope that a few of our members will pop by with some words of wisdom for you. Welcome again!

[SarahZ]

Hi Chicken127,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way right now, the expectations and pressures to do well at school are never easy to deal with. As cliche as it sounds, your grades don't define you at all. Grades are really a mixture of luck - sometimes you just happened to study a particular question very deeply and luckily that question came up. Grades really just reflect what you know at one particular point of time - it says nothing about your true abilities. I also greatly struggled with maths in high school, and even now (I'm in 4th year University), I still struggle with maths! I've just accepted that maths probably isn't my strongest skill, but I also realise how I'm much better and more passionate towards English and Arts. Maybe you also have another subject you would classify as one of your stronger ones?

Trust me you don't need to have your entire life figured out right now! I'm already at University and I still don't know what I want to do or where I'm planning to go with my degree. I see Sophie_M has sent you some helpful links to get in touch with, hopefully they will be beneficial, which i'm sure they will. Although you might feel like a 'disappointment', I'm sure if you asked any one of your family members or friends they would all disagree!

Always here to talk if you feel up to it.

Wishing you all the best and sending you positive thoughts!

[geoff]

Hello Chicken, and welcome and I am sorry for the situation you are in.

'You feel like a disappointment to my parents and my friends', but you can only do the best you can, plus you shouldn't be expected to have a career in something that other people expect you to be in because you won't be satisfied.

Being in year 9 doesn't make you know what you want to do in life and even if it does then your opinion could change, and in year 10 you can decide which direction you want to go, either the science way or in contrast the economic way.

Is it possible to go and visit the school's counsellor, talk over your situation and would be interested to know how you get on?

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi chicken127

I really feel for you as you face the challenges of an outdated education system. Some may say I'm sounding negative here but what I've said to my daughter who's in VCE and son who's in year 9 is 'Your dealing with a system largely based on competition, conformity, judgement and so on. It's not designed to take your amazing natural abilities into consideration. So, how are we going to help you manage your way through such an uninspiring soul destroying system?' They find my attitude amusing and liberating, as I don't cling to the old mantra 'It's school. Everyone goes through this!'

I wonder if you're naturally an imaginative creative person, which may explain why you're not a natural at Math. Some folk naturally have a brain that computes complex equations. Some have great natural intelligence in other areas. We tend to gravitate toward a calling in life that is based on our nature. What do you naturally love in life that gets you excited?

As a mum to a 14yo boy, I'm watching my son face a battle between his natural intelligence and his school work. He's a serious daydreamer by the way. He's also highly creative and a born environmentalist, whether that involves saving creatures of the ocean or simply swimming in it.

I hope this helps: I like to see 'disappointment' from a constructive angle as opposed to a destructive one. Just say everyone's appointed us the role of 'Math master'. We naturally may not have the calling of a Math master, it's not our thing. That appointment (appointed role) needs to be revised. Disappointing that role is a good start, the disappointment part. The next part may involve appointing a person who can help us manage Math, based on how we can naturally come to understand it. This may involve employing a patient family member or a good tutor. Now, we've got someone to help us cope with a subject we naturally have very little interest in and some lack of understanding in.

Year 9 or 10 is going to require you to focus on one of the most unnatural things in life. It's going to ask you to begin considering what you're going to do with the rest of your life, career wise. Unless you've got a crystal ball, this may feel stressful. This is a time in life where you're getting a feel for who you are. It's naturally not a crazy snap decision process where you suddenly just know.

You're feeling the dis-ease of a system that is not designed to be easy (which is insane). I'm sure you already know this because your a natural.

🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi chicken127,

I too welcome you to the community here.

I'm wondering how you would feel printing out what you have written here and showing that to your parents? They may not know how you are feeling. If they realised what you are struggling with, they maybe able to help you.

Are there counsellors or support people at your school? I realise schools may be operating differently at present due to covid-19 depending on which state you are in.

You mentioned you are struggling with Maths. Could you ask the teacher for assistance? Or do you have a friend who understands Maths who could help you? Asking for help does not mean that you are a failure, think of it as being willing to learn!

Are there subjects you do enjoy? Not everyone is good at everything. We all have our own talents and skills.

Hopefully you can recognise what you are good at and build on those things.

I know it isn't easy to reach out and ask for help. Hope you find the courage to do so. You have connected here, that is a huge step for some people.

Wishing you courage to reach out to people around you for help.

Cheers to you from Dools

[josh1245]

Hi chicken127 I can understand because when I was in year 9 I was the same way I became overwhelmed with feelings that I didn't understand and it sounds to me that what your experiencing right now is very similar to what I experienced. year 9 is and extremely hard year its a big transition for junior high school to middle school physically your developing body is full or hormones and in this age we become more socially constricted meaning we develop more importance on our social groups and the feeling to be accepted. you are your own individual person and in this period in life we develop and identify who we really are. you do not need to stress about what's your future going to like you are too young for that and no one knows what their future will bring only thing we knew for sure is the past and the present and the only thing that we can change is the present. you are not a disappointment you are an amazing person and I know that you don't feel that but your friends and your family love you and see so much potential. I believe that our own worst enemy's are ourselves our own inner demons you need to fall in love with the person in the mirror yourself because you are worth it.