There's 7 days till school begins for me, and I feel apprehensive

[MysteryManGuy]

On 3/2, I begin 10th grade, but I've been completely pessimistic about it.

For one thing, I'm 100% not looking forward to seeing the people there. Most of this hate directs toward my class which is the same for the past few years. To be blunt, I hate them. My friends belong to the class, and they're some of the worst people I know. I don't want to go through another year with them, PLUS the rest of my shitty class. They really messed me up last year, and seeing those same shitty groups of people fills me with dread. I did not finish year 9 happily and resolve anything. They simply are jerks and they will fuck me up this year just like before. I don't want 200 more days of constant loneliness even when I'm with them. I have no clue how to face them, and none of this will change. Simply put, they ignore me, shun me, never are genuine friends at all, and I don't fit in at all.

The more important thing is that my academic performance has been shit for a while, and after last year's insanely long lockdown, my grades have tanked. I've been even more worried and I have absolutely no confidence on my abilities. I struggle to improve. VCE is worrying me. The past years, I've been declining. I don't know how to manage my time, or manage myself. My family isn't any help, since they just seem to pressure me more. I've been procastinating like crazy, and my motivation and work ethics are gone.

The worst of it all is that it's 10th grade already. The past years felt like it went by too fast. I'm anxious about the future, and the structure of the later years of school. I'm nervous on how VCE will go, the increased independence, the constant work, and exams. It doesn't help that exams have been cancelled for me ever since Covid. I'm not sure how to describe it, but the fact that I'm growing up make me feel awful. Soon, I have to stress about more important things and take up new responsibilities, and I don't feel ready for it at all. I miss how simple things were for me, even though I hated things then anyway.

[On The Road]

Hey mysteryManGuy,

that's a lot of going on right there. I'm sorry that you have to face all these struggles, and I'm telling ya I am a grown adult but currently, I'm facing almost the same situations and I've been facing them since I was a teenager. Socially isolation, weak academic (or any other) performance, the anxiety of the present and the future. The next step for me (graduate) is to meet new people, get a new job and hold new responsibilities I have to admit that I'm quite stressed at the moment so I totally feel you.

If you are better than me, you can tackle these issues one by one. But I can't because I'm too weak, I'm not "positive or skilled enough", I have to accept my "status quo" first before doing anything. The tip I'm trying to use is radical acceptance, I accept all of these are out of my control, I accept they are bad and can't be sugarcoated, I accept they make me anxious, weak and I also accept my negative emotion could make things worse like a vicious circle. Radical acceptance does not mean that you agree with what is happening or what has happened to you. Rather it shows a chance for hope because you are accepting things as they are and not fighting against reality.

I actually feel this is hard to do (achieve it quickly), but it does calm me down a little bit, and when I'm calm, I can think and think like this way: "things are bad for me but accepting the reality makes me feel more comfortable; and under this premise, I may find a way out" therefore, I never mind being pessimistic from time to time, which is actually healthy, life does not come with much sunshine and rainbows as I thought before.

I'm in the process of acquiring it (radical acceptance), what do you think?

[On The Road]

Sorry when I said "don't mind being pessimistic from time to time", I mean I hold a more rational and reserved attitude towards pep talks and "inspirational motivational quotes". you know when things are bad, excessive positivity can have the opposite impact. 🙂