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Terrified of approaching women in public

Community Member

Hello all,


It's been a while since I've posted on these forums. This would probably also suit the anxiety forum but I decided to post in the youth section since I thought people of my generation might understand my concerns more.

Basically, the subject says it all, I'm 22 and have never had a date, I get no traction on dating apps and so my only method is IRL. However, thanks to my studies in criminology, I am hyper-aware that the majority of women don't go out to meet people or anything like that. It's bad enough that I am basically terrified to approach women in public (even in bars or clubs) as I don't want to ruin their night or just be another dude who interrupts them. However, I also know that the majority are not there to hook up or find a date which doesn't help. I have no idea what to do, I should mention I'm 6'3 with a broad intimidating build which doesn't help. I also have basically no self-esteem and don't believe I hold any attractive traits.


Kind Regards,



1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Deltius~

Welcome back. I'm sorry to hear that you are seeking a female companion and not having much luck. If it is any consolation I would imagine there are just as many females seeking a male companion too.


Even so it is not easy to find someone, though I'm not sure it is a bad thing you are concentrating on IRL. It takes two people to get together, not just you doing all the looking and approaching.  I do remember a while ago you were not happy with your looks, I've no idea if that was justified, but I do know that by and large women are looking for character at least as much as anything else.


So this may mean you should consider activities and places where women are frequently found and where you can start to get an idea of thier nature and they can of yours. Just as an example I'd suggest maybe the local animal shelter and volunteering to help there. Working to a common purpose does allow people to get acquainted in neutral circumstances.


IRL is a lot easier than apps. You do not have to wonder why someone does something without any real clues to tell you - the SnapMap episode is an example. If a person is physically present there are all sorts of clues and hints


I'm sure you have enough imagination to follow though with this sort of strategy and will think of instances you enjoy - perhaps including music, I seem to remember you were studying an instrument a while ago.


If you would like us to know what you decide that would be great.