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Emotional dilemma

Community Member

Hi everyone.


I'm in a bit of an emotional dilemma right now regarding this guy that I'm friends with. We met about seven months ago last year at uni, and it was very obvious right from the get-go that we had feelings for each other. After a couple of weeks we both told each other that we liked each other and we spent more time hanging out at uni together, lots of hugging and kissing, very romantic kinda stuff. However I started to get anxious because it felt like it wasn't really going anywhere beyond that or wasn't gonna turn into an actual relationship, so I asked him where he thought this was progressing and where it would go in the future. His response was that he was actually emotionally confused and in all honesty saw me as a friend, which came as a massive shock to both myself and my friends who had been around the two of us because of everything he'd said to me and the way he'd acted around me up until that point. 


For the rest of the uni semester I didn't talk to him, but when the four month break started I messaged him and asked if he still wanted to be friends, which he said yes to. Over the uni break we would text pretty much every day, but it made it difficult for me to actually work through my feelings and get over him, but spending time not seeing him in person was definitely beneficial and I was nearly over him.


About four weeks ago, we went back to uni and now I have to see him twice a week in lectures. Most of the time he comes and sits with me. My issue used to be wondering if he ever even did have real feelings for me and wasn't just confused like he said, but even my counsellor who I see told me she believes he did have real romantic feelings for me. The issue now is that he's giving me mixed signals- he doesn't really talk to me much outside of uni at all, but in lectures when he sits with me he'll find lots of accidental ways to touch me and leans right up against me when he talks to me, like he's trying to grab my attention. I've also heard from some other girls I met at uni that he's not a super awesome person, but I don't want to probe about what happened between them because it's none of my concern. None of my friends are happy with the mixed signals he's giving me right now, and I'm torn because for the most part I'm over him, but being around him still hurts a little bit sometimes. Should I keep being casual friends with him, or should I cut him off? 

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

I have no idea on statistics but say at a guess- individuals could fall in love with say 1 in 200 people as soul mates, 1 in 100 as "in love but not soul mates, 1 in 20 as friends but not in love etc. IMO from my 67 years of expereince including 4 long term relationships all over 7 years long, I's suggest that this "friendship with fondness" wont go far. However it is falling into the last of those categories. That's unfortunate because you do have some chemistry but not enough to pursue for whatever the reasons and from whom.


Sadly I suggest you withdraw your interest in him with romance and seek a more suitable individual only because your hurt and therefore your mental stability and your focus on uni, is too much to gamble.


I'm a believer that one should seek out only the very best soul mate for ourselves. I found mine, married to her for 12 years now and very happy. The past 3 fitted into that "not quite a soul mate" type partner and I paid the consequences.


So if he gets too close with his physical touching you could remind him of his statement of being just friends and you are saving yourself for that special soul mate in terms of entering your boundaries.


Good luck


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Lyssaa, my concern for you is that he appears as though he wants to keep touching you, but during abreak all he does is occasionally every now and then reply to a text you sent him, so I wouldn't want him to take advantage of you and once this has been done forget about you.

A person like this, is a person you need to stay away from as he will break your heart as he moves around being friends with other girls to get what he wants.


Life Member. 

Community Member

Hi Geoff- turns out you were right. He wasn't a very good friend, and I was fed up with his behaviour so I cut him off. I found out afterwards that even though he was always nice to me, other girls in our classes have had bad experiences with him, such as him sharing his sex life stories with them, sending them dick pics and making weird comments about their bodies. So it was definitely for the best that I cut him off and ended our friendship.