suffocating by anxiety

[Ull]

Hi. I used to be a mute to everyone who wernt family. I was homeschooled up untill one day it occurred to me that I have to talk. I started at a school. Everything was good I didn't really talk that much but I thought it would just wear off. I didn't realise that anything was going wrong up untill I took a week off of school with a flu. When I came back I had changed and I have no idea why. I never talked much and dreaded presentations for weeks before I had to present them and shook alot but I was just trying to push to be normal. Anyway I was in yr 9 and I was writing on paper. Some guy in my class had bees up to the teachers desk and he was just turning around to walk back to his seat which was in front of me, I looked up at him and all of a sudden my eyes went all watered and puffy non stop, I had no idea what was happening but that's when it all happened and it kept happening everytime I looked at people or people looked at me it was and is horrific. I was 13 when it started I'm now 18 almost 19. I thought every time at echo when a new year begun that that would be the year I would be able to get rid of this, but no every year it got worse watery eyes so much that I can't see when being looked at or looking at someone, I can't hold eye contact or a conversation with someone for long because of it. If I was on a computer at the library I would freeze can't move my head just can only stare at screen and move mouse. My voice is always creaky or fades off. I shake. I'm constantly nervous about nothing. I had no friends because everyone thought I was weird and scary they would all call me stuff and be rude and call me quiet which makes things worse. I barely finished school because of it but with bad grades because I couldn't focus on anything or think. I always feel sick and nauseous, I couldn't eat because of how nervous I was and I'd always end up with a extremely sore jaw and my eyes puff up and squinty and my face goes pale. I need help I've always wanted for someone to fix me but I can't communicate or go places. I can go out to the shops for a bit but I'm always afraid to be alone. I can't get a job because I get put down by what people say which makes things worse. Whatever I have has literally ruined my life and I have no idea how to move forward or get better seeing as I have been this way for so long. I have also lost interest in everything and everything I used to like. I don't remember who I was before I was like this. Thanks for listening 🙂

[NicoleP]

Hi Ullo

Sorry it has taken us so long to answer you. I really am not sure what advice to offer but wanted to let you know that I care. I guess my first question is -Have you been to see your GP and discussed it with them? I am aware that you find conversation difficult and understand that a doctor visit would be very challenging for you. I was wondering whether it would help if you put things in writing and took someone with you. You obviously have concerns that you want to address and so I think that the GP is a good starting point. What do you think?

KezzaA

[Jacko777]

Hi Ullo,

I agree with KezzaA, you could really benefit from some professional help. You could even ring the Beyond Blue number at the top of this page, get some good advice on your options.

I think you can definitely improve these things you are challenged with. It has taken you many years to get to this point so you can imagine it might take some time but with the right actions and practice you will feel a lot better. Try and do some small actions every day to address your challenges. Have you tried meditation?

Keep us posted.