Some advice please?

[Dia]

I debated for a while about whether or not i should post this so please dont judge me. Im 14 years old and i think most of my problems come from school. in primary school i was a bullied by a peer. There may or may not have been a reason for it but it affected me badly. it was in the form of isolation. i had discovered a love for books and spent my breaks reading so the bullying did not bother me. However, i the fact that i didnt enjoy school was undeniable. i decided to take the OC test in an attempt to start my school life again. i did my best but unfortunately i failed but my grades were a lot higher then my peers. Parents would approach my mum and ask how my grades were so high and complimented me. Although this was a good thing, when my grades dropped my mum would seem angry at me and did not show the same emotion as when i achieve high marks. This led to me believing that i would not be loved if i did not. I studied extremely hard and i got into one of the top selective schools (my mothers greatest pride). At first i had top grades but my marks started to drop and causing stress. Everyone thinks of me as a cheerful girl with perfect manners and a kind personality. They always compliment me for it and i keep up the facade in fear that if they knew the real me they would not like me anymore. I never speak my thoughts and always try to read the situation, the other person's mood and personality, and am always trying to make people like me. However this isnt the real me and i have a horrible personality which i hate. how would anyone like me. I have this fear of people just pretending to like me and actually talking behind my back. i am scared of people judging me and i am horrible in social situations. Recently i have been thinking that my life is pointless. I had one goal which i am failing at. There is nothing i like about my self either. I am obese (based on actual figures) and ugly. I loved singing and dancing but my love for it has never really been supported nor do i have a talent for them. i have no other talents such as musical or sport. I dont know what im going to do with my life

I know that my mum sounds like a really bad parent in this post but she just wants the best for me and i know that. She has had her own share of struggling as she raised me by herself after my father passed away when i was six months

To be honest i do not know what im feeling. I dont know what kind of advice i need but if you have any at all please leave me some

[white knight]

Hi guest, welcome

At your age exactly I had one goal...to be a pilot in the air force. My problem was there was no plan b or plan c.

We can try to aspire for a career but we are not realistic if we say to ourselves "I van do anything" , that's rubbish.

So with a career choose something you enjoy and have a good chance at succeeding academically wise.

Eg. I would have been far better off starting out as an airframe mechanic.

As far your self esteem, I'm obese also. To avoid a lifetime of internal hurt try to accept your body and appearance as just being you. We now know your DNA is responsible for this. Its not our fault but dreaming of being slim isn't going to fix it.

Girls font accept that dome guys don't care about if a girl is overweight. They like a girl if she is funny and caring. So better to be cheerful or at least develop this side of yourself.

Two things...its great you have respect for your mother raising you by herself and your post was very well written.

Well done

Tony WK

[ahw309]

Hi Dia,

Good job on posting! The forums are a very welcoming and non-judgemental environment 🙂

I can really relate to a lot of what you are saying and feeling. I also have a love for reading, I go to a selective school as well, always fear people judging me or talking about me, and fear that people wouldn't like me if they got to know the 'real' me, as sometimes I feel like all the good things I do or say are just an act.

Also I guess in a way everyone is just trying to make people like them, and not many people your age know what they're doing or where they are going. I am 17 and sometimes feel so lost and confused, but sometimes we just need to keep experiencing and learning and just trying our best!

You said how could anyone like you, but just from your post I can see why they might. You seem extremely intelligent, hard working, respectful, and kind, with great empathy. I'm sure you have many talents, maybe you just havent discovered or realised them yet. Everyone has their own talents! Also, just because you aren't good at things, doesn't mean you shouldn't do them. If they make you happy that's more than enough reason!

Anyway, just wanted to say well done for posting and you're not alone. Take care!