Hi Meowcat,
There is no right way to post on these forums, so ranting or asking questions are both fine.
I want to tell you that this is not a good idea...I know it isn't what you want to hear, but it is important that you hear it. I understand too well what you are feeling, and what you want to feel. Often, what we can feel is so keen, so powerful and overwhelming that it is sensory overload. Myself, I just spent a half hour crying on the bathroom floor because of my depression. So, it is not clichéd to say the things you are saying, and you are not pathetic to be scared. I do have to tell you though that I am on meds. But the first set of meds my GP prescribed me had a bad effect on me. I got tremors. So, these meds that you bought may be a result of research, but you never know how it will effect you. Also, meds don't have an immediate effect (I am assuming you are talking about antidepressants) So, it is not a good idea to take them.
If you are wanting help, and to be on meds for whatever it is that you are feeling, I urge you to go through the formal channels. Talk to your GP? Call the beyondblue hotline for advice, and definitely make use of these forums where people will understand what you are going through and show their support for you.
