Seeking some support

[Pebbles3]

Hi, 

I am pretty new to all this, so it feels a bit strange. I don't know for sure that I have depression, however I suspect I do. I know I should probably find out for sure, but I really just want someone to talk to who understands what it is like to feel completely engulfed with sadness without escape. I have a loving family and partner, but they just don't know what it is like to feel sad all the time over the most trivial things, sometimes for no reason at all. And, quite frankly I don't want to burden them with such heavy stuff or for them to realise how bad it is in my head. I have serious self image and self confidence issues. I feel like I can't do anything right and I am so scared of screwing up and letting people down that I can't breathe.

I look around at people who are so happy and wish I could be like them. I wish I could not stress about every little thing or put myself down about pretty much everything. I guess it would just be nice to feel less alone and less sad everyday. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Pebbles

Firstly I’d like to extend to you a big welcome to Beyond Blue;  and to thank you for coming here and providing your post.  Doing this is a very positive first step for so many people and I’m really pleased that you’ve been able to do this.

Now onto one of the most important things to tell you.  Pebbles, you are NOT alone.  This illness is awful and it takes hold of so many people – wonderful people and pretty much goes about ruining their lives – controlling their lives and it’s damn awful to live with.

So with what you have said, so many of us on here can understand exactly what you are saying.  What you are feeling – and yet, as you rightly say, with regard to the people who you love the most and vice versa, trying to talk to them about it, is nigh on impossible because for many of them, they just don’t get it.  So that’s why, coming here was such a great step for you.

A couple of things to mention.   The next thing for you to try to arrange is for an appointment with a GP.  If you don’t have a GP that you feel ok with, on this site, Beyond Blue have a listing of GP’s that can be searched for and hopefully you’ll find one or more in your local area.  The thing with these GP’s is that they are all fully qualified in dealing with mental health issues.  So from that appointment they will be best able to determine any future referrals that might be needed.

May I also ask whether you work?   And what kinds of interests/hobbies do you have?   You know, things that can help occupy your mind and body.

I would really love to hear back from you on this.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Pebbies, I too want to welcome you a board to this site where all of us have in some way gone or are still going through depression.

Neil has provided you with a lovely welcoming reply, so I do hope that you will feel comfortable here and have the trust in us.

It is such a devastating illness that does just engulf us into a ball of despair, and those who have never experienced or seen it before will have no idea why you feel the way you do, but all of us here know what this feeling is like, so we don't have convince anyone.

If you like you could try and talk to your parents, but please don't be too opportunistic, and please I'm not having a go at them, it's just that they may not understand and if for any reason they say to you 'just snap out of it' or words formula to this then please take no notice of this, because it's just a saying people use when they don't have an answer.

You have posted under 'young people' so this means that you do have strength, but at the moment you are struggling and trying to find reasons why this could all of a sudden happen.

It can just happen even if you haven't done anything wrong, it's an illness that travels anywhere and any time and can trap even the most strongest person and it's never your fault, so please don't blame or criticise yourself, as none of us ever wanted to be struck down with it.

Neil has suggested that you contact a GP and if you are not too sure about going alone then see if an outside member of the family can go with you, and perhaps they can wait in the waiting room.

The doctor will also be able to set up a medicare plan which will give you 10 free visits to see a psychologist as I prefer them to psychiatrists whereas others may disagree.

There maybe times when you go out with your friends, which can be difficult to do, but if so then you are more than likely to put on a fake face or mask as we call it, as this just pretends to them that you are OK, and I'm not too sure whether you want to tell them of your depression, because again they may disappear on you, as this normally happens.

Look forward to hearing back from you. Geoff.

[AGrace]

Dear Pebbles3,

I am glad that Neil and Geoff have already offered you a very warm welcome. They have also offered you some really good advice, and they too have known the depths of depression and anxiety.

When I read your post the line that stood out the most was "I really just want someone to talk to who understands what it is like to feel completely engulfed with sadness without escape". I wanted to reply by saying, 3 months ago, and for every year, for the past 20 years, I could have written your post word for word. There's not one thing that you have felt that I haven't experienced before.

The only thing that I would add now, is it took me all that time to reach out for help, I only wish, like you, I had been strong enough to do so sooner. There isn't a problem that is so heavy that the world can't bare it's weight. There are plenty of us here who are willing to offer you support, and there is plenty of help available to you. There is an escape Pebbles3, it's called recovery and it starts with the simplest of steps.

If ever you do want to chat some more, I'm more than happy to listen.

AGrace