Problems With Loneliness

[HeartDogs]

Hey all,

This is my first time posting on this website, although I've read a few threads from the forums previously. I'm just about to enter my last year of high school and experiencing all the stresses that come along with that but I'm having problems with feeling lonely. I have a good group of friends whom I care about immensely and look out for me, I hang out with them a lot a get along with them well. However, I find that the only times I feel truly happy are when I am with them and always feel lonely when I'm not with them, even immediately after I spend the day with them. I feel down in the dumps a lot or even depressed when I'm at home and school so I try my hardest to be with at least someone from my group as much as possible, a difficult task some times since I live far away from any of my friends and my parents work a lot. I see a physiologist every now and then but still have difficulties with finding support since I don't want to burden my friends and my parents don't really take me seriously when I tell them that I'm not okay. I would love some advice on minimising these feelings of loneliness when I can't always see my friends and ways of overcoming it. I feel somewhat bad since my problems seem trivial as a pose to some of the much larger problems that are being faced by other people on this forum.

Thanks for listening to what I had to say.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hello Ì Heart Dogs,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here - and also same (I heart dogs too).

I'm glad that you decided to post even though you said your problems feel trivial - I don't think they are trivial at all. I think that loneliness is such a hard thing to live with, and it sounds like you've been working really hard to fix it and trying to minimise it.

I know that I've often dealt with loneliness before, and for me it feels like I want to run away from that feeling, but the problem is that it's always there, no matter how much I want to run away from it. I know that for me it helped to try and sit with it and be curious about it - because as you already know we can't be around people as much as we'd like to.

What do you think it is about loneliness that's so awful?

I was also wondering if you can ever think of a time where you were alone, but didn't feel lonely? Like maybe you were doing something by yourself and you felt okay with it, or at least - not consumed by that feeling? I think maybe finding those times or creating those times can help.

rt

[HeartDogs]

Hey rt,

Thanks for replying to my post, it means a lot to me. I think for me, loneliness is awful because of the feeling of despair it can bring on. Personally, when I feel lonely I feel like there is no one there for me, who can comfort me and I am completely alone in my sadness. It's difficult to word the feeling well, though I suppose above all I feel unsupported in the literal sense of the word. Like I have no grounding to stand on in the form of people who care about me and whom I care about as well.

To answer your other question, for times where I am alone but don't feel lonely. I do have activities that I do alone that can definitely help combat the feeling of loneliness but not long term. I exercise a fair amount and am an avid guitarist, I find these two activities in particular really help stave off the feeling but not indefinitely. It always seems to come back after a while.

Once again, thank you for replying to my original post.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ì Heart Dogs,

That's no worries at all. I'm really glad that you were able to come here and talk about what's going on. It's really not an easy thing to reach out.

While reading your post, I was thinking about what you said about how you felt unsupported and 'no grounding to stand on in the form of people who care about me'. I'm kind of curious - because it sounds like you feel that you're not supported or cared about when you are alone. Is that right? Like when you are with people you feel supported and cared about - but if they are not with you, that feeling goes away?

Sorry if I'm not on the right track here, just trying to understand. Have you ever talked about how you're feeling with anyone else?

rt

[HeartDogs]

Hey once again rt,

I spend a lot of time alone, especially when I'm a home since, as I mentioned earlier, my parents work a lot and we don't get much time together. It is true that when I'm alone, I usually feel unsupported/uncared for, like you said but when I'm with friends I feel the opposite. So yeah, I think you're on the right track, I hope this helps you understand a little better.

I haven't really spoken about this to other people, I've brought it up very briefly with one of my closer friends but really not in any extesive detail cause I didn't want to bother them. I'll bring it up with my physiologist when I see them next, I haven't had the chance to talk to them about it since I haven't seen them in a few months. I haven't brought it up with my parents either cause they never really seem to understand my problems.

Thanks again

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Ì Heart Dogs,

Thanks so much for helping me understand what you're going through. I'm glad that you are reaching out, and looking to talk about this in therapy - I think it will really help.

I think it's really important to know the way you being supported and cared for doesn't change whether or not you are in the same room or on your own. You are equally as supported and cared for whether or not you're right up centimetres away from their face, all the way across the world and everything in between. I lived 30 minutes away from one of my close friends, and now I live 4 hours away from her - I hate it, but I love and care for her just the same. I have no doubt it's the exact same with yourself.

I hope that this resonates with you and also that the psychologist is helpful too.

rt

[HeartDogs]

Hey rt,

What you said really resonates with me, I found myself smiling as I read your post. I think you're absolutely correct and I'm definitely going to bring this up with my therapist. Thank you so much for your support and concern.

Thank you so much once again, you've really helped me out here.