Overwhelming feeling

[victoria97]

I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 14 (I'm 18 now) and for the most part I've coped on my own however lately my mild depression and mild anxiety has turned into a crippling suicidal depression and severe social anxiety which has led me to social isolation, severe panic attacks daily and stress which is making me physically ill and i don't know how to deal with it. I want to go to the doctor and have the pain go away, I don't want to feel like dying every second of every day or fighting off the panic attacks so noone in my family figures out something is wrong and ridicules me like they used to about my depression, but I can't seem to find the strength to go and talk to the doctor. I feel deep down within myself that noone understands me and noone could ever understand how I'm feeling and maybe that stems from the fact that I've never really had friends and people I can talk too. I just want to know if this is going to happen forever, will I just be in a cycle like this, how can i make myself go get help, how can I overcome the suicidal thoughts... I know deep down I don't wan't to die and I want to be okay and healthy and happy but I don't see it happening and I just get overwhelemed and can't handle it. Has anyone else experienced this or am I alone as I'm feeling ?

[lookingforme]

Hi Victoria 97,

I wanted to write to you because what you are feeling now resonates with me. I understand what you are going through and what you are feeling. I can't tell you if it will ever stop, or when it can stop. But, I can tell you that you have already made the decisions in your head that will definitely help you on your way. 1. You want to speak to a doctor about it. 2. You want to live.

I know the thoughts are overwhelming, intrusive, unwanted and can make you feel so utterly hopeless and isolated, and can be the thing that is keeping you from taking that step of actually getting some help. Hopefully, if you reach out on here enough, you can find more than just me who knows what you are going through, you can find some solidarity and support where you can't get any with your family, so you will feel less alone.

Have you tried calling the BeyondBlue helpline? This website helped me find a GP that was more aware and more sensitive to mental health than my original GP, who did not treat me well at all. And the helpline was an outlet where I could talk to a real person who could help me through the hard moments, and who helped me find a psychologist as well. The feeling of being validated and being supported by the people on here and the people you can call, it meant a lot to me.

With regard to contacting your GP, do you feel comfortable enough to talk more openly about what you are feeling now, I know it can be scary to put the words out there, especially since the feelings have got worse for you.

It helps to tackle just one thing at a time when it gets too much. Maybe ask yourself how you reached out to your GP at 14, and what it would take to get you there?

You are not alone in this, with what you are feeling, or desperately wanting it to end. I am here if you want to talk more.

Joelle​

[Doolhof]

Hi Victoria,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. There are so many people here who are or who have felt just like you are right now.

Joelle has written you a wonderful reply. I too would like to encourage you to reach out to your Dr, use the support lines that are available to you through Beyond Blue and look for help in your own region.

As you are 18, are you still at school or Uni? The reason I ask is that the education system has support available as well. There might be a counsellor whom you could talk to.

Sometimes it is very hard for people who have never experienced depression or mental health issues to realise how a person can suffer from theses illnesses.

Do you have anyone in the family who will listen to you? Maybe an Aunt or Uncle or Grand parent? One of my nieces has come to me many times about her issues and I try to listen and help where I can.

You have reached out here saying you need help, so I hope you can take another step and actually make an appointment or use the phone help line so people can encourage you further and direct you to assistance.

Hope you can pick up the phone and make some phone calls for help and support.

From Mrs. Dools