Offering help when you can barely help yourself?

Crystal96 · ‎15-09-2014

I'd like to start off by saying I'm new to Beyond Blue- I felt completely lost and unable to talk to anyone who would understand, so I thought I'd try turning here. I'm currently eighteen years old, and I've suffered from both severe major depression and generalised anxiety disorder since I was fifteen. Over the past two years I've learnt to deal with my disorders, without allowing them to overcome my daily life- and yet, recently I've felt as though I'm going backwards in my recovery, rather than forwards. Once more, I feel lost in life, and move as though I don't really exist. No one seems to acknowledge me, and only seem to want me around when it is of some benefit to them. I feel hopeless, and worthless, as well as emotionless- besides the times where I want to scream and hit something to allow myself to let go of this build up of emotions. Though I haven't self-harmed in 2 years now, the urge is becoming overwhelming and I'm looking for advice on how to avoid succumbing to these urges.
Despite this, many people at school know about my journey, and often come to me looking for advice, or for someone to listen to their own troubles, which I am able to relate to. At times, I feel lost, just wanting to have one of them offer me that support, because whilst I sit there and reassure them that eventually everything will be okay, I am losing faith myself. How do I pull myself back up? How to I avoid succumbing to urges of self-harm? And how do I help others when I feel as though I can barely help myself?

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Doolhof · ‎15-09-2014

Hi Crystal,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to all the help that is available here. I have only been with BB since August, and have found this site to be so helpful. I am so pleased you have managed to find your way here and you have shared your story with us.

Please feel free to write anything you need to here at any time you need to share your thoughts and emotions, and just get them out of your head. There are support numbers and people you can talk with it you feel able to have a conversation with people over the phone.

I have also used the Webchat which is available from 3 p.m. to midnight. It is like emailing a friend who cares, with a person trying to give you support, help and encouragement on the other end.

You mentioned you are supporting your friends at school who are going through troubles as well. Do you have a special friend there who may be able to support you? Have you tried telling them that you are hurting too right now? Are there support staff in your school whom you can talk with?

I don't know a lot about self harm, so I may not be able to advice you much on that side of things. I do understand anger and frustration, wanting to scream out and have people notice that I am not doing okay.

Do you have access to a Dr whom you could go and talk with? Have you heard of a Mental Health Care plan? It might sound a bit scary and like you are about to be committed to hospital, but it is nothing like that!

A Dr. can write up a Mental Health Care plan which will then allow you to have 10 free sessions with a psychologist, who will helpfully be able to give you help, support and advice regarding your depression, anxiety and self harm thoughts.

Are your parents supportive? Do they realise you are going through a tough time? Are you able to talk with them about your problems? Remember they were teenagers once and have lived through these same years you are living now. In a totally different era granted, but being a teenager isn't always easy no matter which decade you went through it.

I tend to write long posts! I wish I had the answer to all your questions, especially the self harm issue. Please remember you are a very special person, you deserve to have your concerns listened to and addressed and you deserve all the help and assistance you can find. Keep calling out for that help. I will be here for you too as hopefully will other people.

Thinking of you, from Dools

white knight · ‎15-09-2014

Hi Crystal, warm welcome here.

I cant answer many of your questions. But I can say that the regulars here including myself balance our lives daily to survive our daily struggles as well as reaching out to others. We are not in total control, totally cured. We manage our ills.

What you might need to do is go back to the ones you have helped and reach out, let them know that you also hurt inside and struggle. Pick them wisely though. Birds of a feather flock together. That's why I'm here every day, as I'm amongst my own.

I at times feel i'm going backwards also. It never stops, it keeps coming but its better to look at the long term view. As you age things get easier, more assured of yourself.

Take care.

Neil_1 · ‎16-09-2014

Hi there Crystal

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

It sure sounds like you’ve been doing it tough for some time now and for the large part of that, it seems like it’s been on your own as well – possibly all of it.

For your own support networks, may I ask if you’ve got friends and/or family who you might feel ok in talking too? Sometimes people have this option and other times they’d rather run 100 miles in the other direction than have to talk to someone close about their issues. Each case is totally up to the individual – but if there is some person there, that can help big time.

The other support option I’d be seeking out would be one of two (or possibly both). (a) to possibly go to your school counsellor and have a chat about things and/or (b) to find a local GP and to make an appointment and let them know as much as you feel you can – just to get it all off your chest. If you’re not sure of GP’s on this site, Beyond Blue have a list of GP’s, that can be searched for and each of these GP’s are qualified in dealing with mental health issues.

I’m sorry it’s taken me now to identify back to you just what a remarkable young person you are – in being able to give advice, guidance and support to others around you. That’s such an awesome quality to have – especially when you know that you are doing it tough and really would like to receive your own support, advice and understanding as well.

I hope I’ve been able to help out with even a little bit within my post to you. I do hope that you can come back here and post again.

Kind regards

Neil

Crystal96 · ‎16-09-2014

Thankyou very much for your helpful words. I have been to a GP previously when I was first diagnosed, and I visited a psychologist once a month for a year before deciding medication was more helpful than talking to her. My parents know and are supportive, however I feel as though speaking of it is almost a taboo in my household, as my parents really don't understand- despite attempting to. I think I will use the web chat, thank you

Crystal96 · ‎16-09-2014

Thankyou very much for your words of kindness. Though I have friends and parents who do their best to support me, I feel as though I need to speak to someone who can understand exactly what I am going through, rather than having someone just sympathise for me. Maybe I will seek out a GP on beyond blue.

Crystal96 · ‎16-09-2014

Hi white knight- thank you very much for your words, i am beyond glad to be told that someone out there feels the same as i do at the moment.

Doolhof · ‎17-09-2014

Dear Crystal,

Hi. Thanks for getting back to us. Depression is a very hard illness for anyone to understand, for the person suffering from it and for the people who are going through it. My husband and I both have trouble with depression, so you can imagine the fun we have in our household when we are both feeling blue!

Regarding your parents not understanding how you are feeling, can you find a web site that explains depression, and then tick off the bits that relate to you and show it to your parents. There are sites also that explain to others how they can help a person with depression. It might be an idea to do the same with that advice.

I hope you are able to find a person to chat with one on one. We are here to help you and to "listen" to you, willing to read and acknowledge all you need to write down.

Depression does suck and it does make life difficult. All of us here understand that, and hope to be able to encourage each other with ways of fighting and overcoming this illness. Take care and call out to someone via the phone, webchat, your Dr, us, anyone who will listen and help you. Thinking of you, from Dools.