Nothing makes SENSE

[ChukPuk]

I’m a 23 year old and I feel like nothing makes sense. I’m having issues with focusing, concentrating and I think I have adhd. When people talk to me or say something, it doesn’t make any sense to me and I struggle to keep the conversation going. All I do during conversations is nod with a smile and just a yes or no. Hence I don’t like talking to people and like to be alone most of the time. But then again when I’m alone, I question myself like why am I not like the others? Why am I not talkative? Why is it so hard for me to build relationships with people? (Well I know it’s cause I rarely talk and you need to talk to build relationships) but talking is hard when you have nothing to say. My mind is blank most of the time and during conversations with people, I feel so awkward, I have nothing to say, and want to get out of the situation immediately cause I hate the feeling. I feel anxious most of the time when I’m with people talking cause when they are talking, it doesn’t make sense to me and I don’t know what to say as a reply so all I do is nod and smile which I feel is so dumb and I can’t keep the conversation going. Is it just me?

[therising]

A very warm welcome to you 🙂

There can be such a huge variety of reasons behind the struggle associated with conversation. It can be quite the mystery at times as to why we can struggle so much. To name a handful of reasons/possibilities

• Processing challenges relating to a ADHD brain
• Disinterest in the conversation, which can make it hard to process what's boring and
• a fascination with everything else in the environment that is distracting from the conversation
• A lack of mental and/or physical energy, based on an underlying condition or multiple challenges going on in life that are proving to be exhausting
• No one raises conversations that fascinate us and bring out the best in us
• Not feeling fully included in the conversation or the conversation is largely unrelateable
• The people we know may not be all that good at drawing out conversation in us

and the list goes on.

Wondering whether there's anything that's changed in your life lately. If the struggle is greater than ever before, can you think of anything that's led up to it? Sometimes things aren't all that obvious and we can be challenged to become a bit of a detective or employ someone who can solve the mystery for us. Whether that involves a GP who can run blood tests (relating to a lack of mental and physical energy) or they can refer us to a psychologist or psychiatrist or we can find clues from family or friends through what they've been able to observe in us lately, sometimes other people can be the best judge as to why we may be struggling more with something. Btw, it's interesting with ADHD, how it may not necessarily reveal itself until someone's being challenged in a number of ways in their life, all at once. My 22yo daughter found this to be the case, when her life got busier. Same with my 19yo son, who wasn't diagnosed with level 1 autism until year 11, when he became desperate to find out why he was struggling with focus and other challenges than ever before.

[sbella02]

Hey there, thank you so much for posting here, and we warmly welcome you to the forums. 

It's fairly normal to experience difficulty when it comes to socialising, particularly how to connect with others if you feel that you have little in common, or aren't overly confident in conversation. It's also quite normal to be very reflective about your contributions in certain conversations, and to dwell on things that you said or could've said. 

I feel the same. I've struggled with concentration when I'm in a conversation with someone, and it's truly not a reflection of the person themselves or the content of the conversation, it's just the way my mind tends to work. I've developed and found many tools over the years to make this easier for myself. A lot of the doubts you may feel can be alleviating by having an adequate "toolset" to take with you into conversations to get the most out of them. For instance, I like to go into conversations with the mindset that you can learn something from everybody, and that there are always ways to have interesting and insightful conversations with people. There are always aspects of the human experience that unify us, regardless of how different we may appear than somebody. 

There's a Ted Talk that I love to show people about socialising well, and it's called "10 ways to have a better conversation". It is quite interesting to listen to, and I really like the tips that the speaker shares. 

For those moments that you feel like you want to be better prepared going into a conversation, or if your mind runs blank, I've found that it can be useful to have a kind of list of prepared responses in mind, particularly to refer to in more professional conversations. Mine are generally acknowledgements to convey my interest in a conversation, like an "interesting" or "awesome" every now and then. Keep in mind, that doesn't mean I'm not listening or that I won't respond in a more natural way when I feel that I can, but it just alleviates some of the stress that comes with responding spontaneously.

If you're wondering whether you may have ADHD or something similar and would be interested in hearing some professional advice, you may benefit from having a chat with your GP or psychologist about what you've noticed, and they can talk through it with you, and potentially offer some more conversational tools to take with you into everyday life. 

I hope this helps, and please feel free to keep chatting some more with us, we're here to support you. As somebody who also struggles with focus, concentration, and connecting with people in a conversation, I'm happy to hear more of your story if you're willing to share, and to offer recommendations or tools where I can. 

All the best, SB