New here and recently seeked help for my depression

[KB12]

Hey, im 20yrs old new here dont know how to start or anything just seeking help in how to cope.

So i have suspected i have had depression about 6 months ago but didnt act on it, only really told my girlfriend of 6 years since i was 14 i was but didnt really go further than that. I took a really bad path about 2 years ago leading into drugs 'not massively but was a big part of my life i dont believe im an addict but wanted to do it alot' and i dragged my girlfriend down with me, she was the adventurous and mature type and i brought the worst out in here. We where a really really great couple and found true love 'sounds corny but it was true i could spend my life with her'. I didnt know what i was turning into or not like i cared and pushed everything away including family and really good old mates. I lost everything through that path like my lisence for almost 3 years, close mates and my partner. she finally snap it and left me only 3 weeks ago and told me to cut all contact with her and doing so decided to get back at me by adding guys on social media and liking everything 'what absolutely tore me apart'. Her doing that made me realise what i turned into and i wasnt myself realising that the depression i suspected was from that life and not wanting what i truly wanted out of my life, i wanted the life with her. That then made me contact her trying to fight for her and she just pushed me away blocking me off everything what drove me into the ground. I found reality with what i was doing then having no chance with the person i truly wanted really broke me. I then got really really bad into pot i know its only pot but i was really really abusing it in a bad mind set, that brought on the self-halm thought what one night almost acted on it well i did but couldnt go through with it. I contacted my mother what she then made me get help what i really need.

Im now diagnosed with depression and really not coping with it, i just wish i realised what i was doing earlier when i didnt loose my partner.

I dont really know what im asking just really need help on how to cope with all this, hoping someone has been through the same what can give me some help.

Thanks

[MsPurple]

HI KB and welcome to bb forums.

I know what it is like to have depression and to push away a partner. I am now 25 but when I was 20 I was with my highschool boyfriend. It was kinda serious at the time. I moved to Melbourne for uni and he stayed in our home town for uni. The 4 hour driving distance made it difficult to see each other every weekend. As a teenager I have had some mental health issues but I had beaten my ED and thought that I was out of the clear (except for horrible PMS which I was on meds for but decided to stop at uni, not smart fyi). But I was hit with depression. I should note I wasn't diagnosed at the time. Although I loved him it was getting hard staying in a long distance relationship with him not wanting to move up with me and me not being about to stay down for him. He got clingy when I was down and I also wanted to hang with friends at least some of the weekends I was down. I ended up breaking up with him which was hard. I ended up drinking more (remember I was in my first year of uni) and having more drunken experiences which didn't help. I regret those drunken days and wish I could take it back but I cant (still feel horrible remembering it even though it in the large skeem of things wasn't too bad). I remember going to watch the AFL grand final at a friends. We were drinking hard and my ex turned up. I ended up crying and ruining the party for everyone. My parents had to pick me up and I was horrible to them until I sobered up. That day was the lowest day of my life. If I could take it back I would. It was hard to get over him but I knew it was for the better. Sometimes at the time you may not image your life without that person it will work out in the end. You will find someone else and you will be happy again.

Move forward 4 years and I finally went to headspace at 23 yo and got the help I needed. I was finally diagnosed with GAD with depressive symptoms. I finally understood what was going on. I understood why I felt the way I did with my ex and why I acted a certain way. I could finally move on with there help. And I have. I am a work in progress and I still have GAD but I can now manage it.

I may not be in a relationship now but I am reasonably happy. I can enjoy life. I now know that me and my ex were not meant to be and I have finally accepted it. It may take you some time to feel this but it will come

Hope this story has helped you feel less alone

[maxation]

Im Snagz. Its so so dificult to figure this out

How to post.

[maxation]

Thanks for posting.because.i went through very similar when i was 16 or 17.wich led to.my colapse then. And because my girlfriend back then was my first love.it realy hurt me. I was also very sensitive back then. I sank into.deep depression.and was suffering from drug induced psychosis. I see plenty of it in the comunity now. I was sick o and off for decades. It.helps.if you keep yourself buisy.some sport activities helped me. Support from family and friends.but if you havnt got that...as i dont now. Try joining a support group.one that has camping holidays away.etc. with lots of activities. And outdoors. A new gf will happen..give it time. Depression with.me is there all the time.i have no let up. It can change who you are in the way you have less patience and likes towards society in general because you become a tuffer person when learning to cope.ive lost five family members.and have had a few life threatening illnesses.so. im always numb

.it makes me tired and fatigued all the time. I find that my music.playing an instrument helps. I say...if the future looks bleak..change the future. Good luck.and keep well. Snagz.