My whole family hates me...

[Chromatic]

Just like the title says, my family hates me, and I have no idea why. I'm 12 and I'm in year 7. For as long as I can remember, my mum has hated me. My sister is super smart and she skipped grade 1 and got heaps of scholarships and everything. I'm constantly in my sister's shadow and she is constantly reminding me of this. Whenever people come over, all they can talk about is how great my sister is, and it's like I don't even exist! I get good grades as well, but I know that my sister will always be better. I know this, but my mum thinks that every kid is supposed to get straight A's. She thinks that I'm really dumb! My younger brother is in grade 1 and he's getting average grades, but my mum doesn't care. I don't get it! What am I doing wrong. My mum is always yelling for every single little thing, and she thinks that I'm the one causing it! She constantly tells my brother that I'm a horrible sister. The only times I've ever really felt good with my family around was when we go to Brisbane(I live in Melbourne btw) to visit my mum's family. My grandparents and cousins live there and it's super fun since I rarely ever see my mum when we're there. But most times it's only for one week during the school holidays. I've lived in 4 different houses in my lifetime and have been to 6 different schools. I moved to Brisbane for two years and it was probably the best 2 years of my life. My mum has always pushed me to get good grades and when I do get good grades she just tells me to try harder. Like I'm not already trying my hardest! I hate it living with my family and I plan on moving to America and changing my name to cut all ties with my family when I'm older. But that's ages away and it's so hard everyday living with my family. I have this idea to move to Brisbane to stay with my grandparents, who actually love me, and leave my family behind at the end of the year, but my mum probably won't even let me. I have heaps of friends who live there, but I've lost contact with them and none of my school friends have even been to my house because of my mum. I'm just a normal girl with friends, but my family hates me! I don't know if I should ask to move to Brisbane or just wait till I can move out. Please help me!

[Broncies_18]

At 12, you must be very mature for your age to be able to open up like this and I applaud you. Yr7 is not the be all end all and as for your situation, your mum should love you regardless of what you achieve and I think she does because no mother would hate their child. If your feeling this way you need to have a talk with her one on one and talk about how your feeling. I cannot relate to your situation in which you have moved many times and that must be really hard especially for someone your age. If I may ask do you have a father and if so do you speak with him much as this may help to. Hope I helped.

[BlossomFox]

I understand what you are going through. The whole family being incredibly rude for no good reason. I'm 19 and I live roughly 6 hours away and i survived living with a toxic family similar to yours. I have 6 siblings and a crazy mum and a crazy dad. I am just letting you know that it is possible to survive. It is okay to cry. It is okay to vent. Something that helped me survive is to watch anime, disney and try get some cuddly toys. Believe it or not, movies that make you cry are good. I suggest Clannad. Anyway, try talk to a Councillor and talk to your mum. If these things to not work, I can guarantee my method will help you survive things. I wish you all the luck I can.

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Chromatic,

I am a Mum of 3, my eldest is 11. I think parents can put a lot of pressure on the eldest to lead by example for younger siblings. The fact your Mum yells tells me that she is very emotional at times and I am sorry that you feel this is directed at you.

I would guess your Mum hasn't really "heard" you in how you're feeling. I agree with Blossom fox in having a one on one chat with your Mum or if it's easier why not write her a letter that explains how you feel. Try and write it in parts. For example; one part deals with how you feel about the yelling, another about how you think she thinks you are dumb (which you are obviously not. You are a very intelligent young person and brave too!! Great work by the way!), another about how you feel like moving away from them.

The letter should provide a start for a conversation to work things out. Unfortunately just moving or running from things tends to leave unresolved thoughts and feelings that can make their own problems for you later on. Try and get it out in the open now.

Best wishes to you. I hope your Mum will listen. Best of luck with your studies too. It sounds like you are doing great, you are right to be proud of yourself. It's how much effort you put in that matters. All we can do is our best.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

[Chromatic]

Thanks for replying! I wasn't really expecting any replies at all. I guess it's not really the end of the world for me. There are still heaps of things to be optimistic about! My best friend's mum is incredibly kind and she's like a second mother to me. I play three instruments and also play netball, so it's not like I'm stuck in the house all the time. I'm really excited since the school holidays are really close, and I'm gonna stay in Brisbane for one week! Not to mention, my mum has to go to work, so I'm gonna be spending heaps of time at my friend's house. Anyway, thanks for your post, it really helped!

[Lost_Girl]

Hey Chromatic,

It sounds like you've got lots of positive things happening. That's great!

If things get tough and you need to chat just post again, there are lots of people here to listen and help where they can.

Enjoy your holiday is Brisbane!

Kind thoughts,

Carol

[angel89]

Be strong girl. I hope the situation has eased a little. Just remember nothing lasts forever. You will have your time to shine, I promise!! Stay strong, focus on you and don’t change because of how you feel. God has a special purpose for you and I’m sure you’re a pure ray of light that’s carrying oceans of pain and no where to put it but for such a young age talking so much wisdom, you will be such an inspiration!! Love to you xoxox