My weight stops me from being meim

[justme45]

I’m 24 and I’ve struggled for my entire life with my weight. It’s something that feels so out of my control I feel trapped in my own body. I’ve always hated the way I look no matter how hard I try to surround myself with body positivity, I can see it in others but have never been able to give myself the same allowance to look different. I’ve tried going to the gym 7 days a week, cutting one meal out a day, eating super healthy, nothing every changes my body.. I feel like it’s impossible to lose any weight at all. I have some of the most beautiful friends and I’m at an age where we go out and my friends meet boys and some are in serious relationships now, and those who aren’t almost always get attention when we go out. But never me. It’s piling up so much to be the one every single time who gets ignored. I do my make up, my hair, buy clothes for my body and still see the only solution to be lose 40kgs. I run through scenarios in my head where if I were given the option to give up 5 years of my life to be skinny, would I? The answer is always yes and this terrifies me. I feel like I’m destined to be overweight and alone forever and as someone with so much love for people this my biggest fear. I’m otherwise the life of every party, I feel like if I did ever talk to someone about this they wouldn’t believe me because i come off so happy and care free all the time. I have amazing friends and can logically assess my life and see how much amazing stuff I have around me.. but I genuinely feel like the way I feel about my body stops me from living the life I want to live and I feel trapped. My family aren’t overweight, I’ve had friends who could lose weight, why is it just me who is stuck like this? I’m logically minded and i know i should focus on al the good stuff in my life but I can’t. I’m finding myself leaving parties early or avoiding situations all together where i know I’ll be the only one going home alone.. which is scary because this is not me. Every time a guy does show interest, it’s one day and I never hear from him again. I just keep thinking when will it be my turn to be happy and have someone love me for me? Or when will I be able to find a way to love me?

i just had to unload.. thank you to anyone who listened.. I hope your nights are better ❤️

[MsPurple]

Hi justme45 and welcome to the forums 🙂

I myself have struggled with body positivity as well. I know it is hard. I still struggle with it. It affected my eating as well as I wanted to lose some weight. Yes I have lost weight and put some back on. Even at my lowest weight I still wasn't completely happy with my body. I decided I needed to work on body positivity in myself. I couldn't do it myself. I decided to talk to my psychologist about it. I needed to work on a healthy relationship with my body, my nutrition, exercise and positive self talk. I still find it difficult. Have you ever seen a psychologist. It maybe beneficial. You can get a referral from your gp. Have you also talked to your GP about this? They can really help.

I found when I tried to shift my focus away from body size, weight and instead focused on fitness and goals e.g. completing a triathlon or 10km fun run, I lost a little weight (not much), but I also become more happy with myself and my body. I focused more on the achievements I could do with it rather than its appearence. Yes I still have days where I am not happy with my weight. But with the help of my psychologist it is getting easier. I also found getting rid of my home scales really helped as I was having more bad days when I stood on it.

I know the journey of weight loss, body positivity is hard. I think it would be good to talk it out. It is really helpful. I am here if you want to chat 🙂

[therising]

Hi justme45, welcome!

Sounds like you've tried so hard to lose the weight you've longed to lose and you definitely deserve super congratulations for your efforts. Not seeing results for such effort can definitely be disheartening.

Wondering if you've considered speaking with your GP about a referral to a good dietician. Personally, I have access to a great dietician who I've seen a number of times, for a variety of reasons:

• To help my 13yo son put on weight
• To help my my dad put on weight
• To help my mum establish a diet which would help reduce inflammation (she has arthritis)

• To help me construct a good vegan diet, as I'm pretty new to the vegan scene. By the way, at 90 kilos I was dreading standing on those scales when I went in to see him. With help, I've actually managed to lose a few kilos since

Every single time I've been to see this dietician, it's been a fantastic education in the way of how the body works and why it does what it does based on diet. It was through this amazing guy that I first heard the word 'ghrelin'. Ghrelin and leptin are interesting hormones and worth Googling when you get the chance.

Regarding my son, first thing the dietician did was encourage me to get some blood tests done, to see if there were any underlying issues in regard to being underweight. We're now some months in and my son's put on about 5 kilos which has improved his self-esteem. He has copped a fair amount of bullying in the past regarding his build.

Whether we're 'underweight' or 'overweight', scales have an impact on how we see our self and I'm not talking about those bathroom scales. Society has its own set of 'scales' which go toward measuring where we fit it. From the acceptable to the unacceptable and everywhere in between, we can face what feels like an existence of sliding up and down those terrible scales of judgement on a regular basis. In reality, the scales that matter most are the ones that relate to our health (mental, physical and spiritual). They become productive guidelines for assessing any issues that need addressing, in the way of our well-being.

If you've been unable to reach the state of health you long for, give some thought to the GP/dietician angle (for blood work and diet). I imagine this may turn out to be an empowering experience for a number of reasons (education, goal setting, general dietary management etc). Such empowerment goes toward feeding not only body but also mind and soul.

Take care justme45, you're beautiful!

[Bluebirdbrown]

Hi justme45,

i think it’s often ourselves critic that judges our body image.... but I can see that you have done a great deal of work to improve yourself. Please be gentle to yourself.

Last week I read a motivational quote from Facebook, it says:-

“you don’t have to be skinny to look sexy and beautiful. Your beauty is the size of your heart not the size of your jean’!

As therising mentioned above, a GP or a dietitian can help with your underlying issues. I am in the middle of having an online course called mindspot well being course. The course is designed to teach you some coping skills to tackle our unhelpful thoughts / belief. It teaches me why we have unhelpful problem and the vicious cycle of those symptoms and behaviour etc. so far I found that it’s the most useful tool to me. I would say it’s even more useful than seeing a psych face to face as I found my psych isn’t very helpful. Even thought I say it’s online, you are assigned with a therapist who gives you supports and monitors your progress and that you can ask questions too. If you haven’t had any great resources on hand I would recommend you to go online and have a go. hope this is useful to you!

Cheers,

[Happygoluckymiss]

Hey JustMe

i too have struggled with weight my whole life. I know what you are going through.

i made the decision to go to a doc and get help with my weight and tackle it to manage it. My life was filled with very big stressors: unhappy marriage, work etc and the weight was another problem to manage. It was a vicious cycle. I had tried every weight loss diet, exercise etc and I could not move the weight.

As females, we are expected to look a certain way and be a certain size as that’s what we’re conditioned to believe.

In August 2016 I decided to go for weight loss surgery and since I have lost 60kgs etc - I eat well, exercise etc but I will let you know - it’s not easy and is only a tool to assist with weight loss. If I can draw a parallel it’s like using mindfulness or an Antidepressant to help manage mental health.

I thought all ‘my problems’ would be fixed if I was thin. They did not get fixed overnight but the one good thing about what I did to help me, and this is only my opinion, is that the surgery allowed me to stop worrying about one less thing - my weight.

This is not a path for everyone and it’s a big commitment. I used to think that if I’m ‘thin enough’ then all my problems will disappear- they don’t. But, I’m in a healthy BMI range for the first time ever in my life, I exercise regularly, I eat well (the surgery i had you must otherwise you become very sick with nausea etc) and I can now have one less thing to worry about.

You will still be you, your personality and your wonderful spirit will still be there.

You are not defined by your weight.

I would encourage you to maybe speak to a doc and dietitian.

Take care - happygoluckymiss

[Quercus]

Hello JM45 (you are not "just you")...

Thank you for speaking about this. So many people can relate to what you wrote. I can for sure.

Weight is a constant sore spot for me too. I am 34 and although I am married with two kids now the same painful feelings are there. I am never good enough.

MsP has a solid suggestion about considering physical activity for fun not weight loss. Growing up whenever I found a healthy activity I enjoyed everyone around me made it about weight loss and I would give it up. May I ask what do YOU enjoy that is physical?

I have a crosstrainer and music and work gardening and cleaning. Work hard outdoors on our property. These things make me feel good. I enjoy them and I enjoy being outdoors and hard work.

Sometimes it helps to aim for feeling good inside. Feeling strong.

I also agree seeing a doctor is a good idea. But also a psychologist to learn ways to build your self esteem.

I am overweight and will never be an attractive woman. But I am learning to work with what I've got. I like to care for my hair and skin and have been visiting op shops to find out what my style is. Just because I am overweight doesn't mean I don't deserve to feel good.

Beauty fades. Even the most gorgeous one of your friends will age and change. There is more to all of us that our looks.

Perhaps look into what IS special and unique about you and think about where you could meet people who value this. For example I love plants and gardens and my husband loves self sufficiency and off grid ideas. He sees my skills in the garden as attractive and interesting.

You have beauty whether you believe it or not no matter what size. It is just a matter of finding it.

There is an old thread here about body image which is worth reading. I will try find you the link.

Nat

[grilledcheese]

Hey, I can definitely get behind the idea of getting fitter and increasing your strength! It has helped me a lot to just shift my focus like that. But, I'd also love to read more and see the post you mentioned Quercus so if you do manage to find it, let us know 🙂

[David Nobody]

Hi Just,

Skinny does not equal beauty.

Hi Nat,

“I am overweight and will never be an attractive woman.”... I bet you can’t get even one person to agree with yo on that point.

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I wonder JM how you are holding up? Have any of the posts helped ease your mind at all?

Grilledcheese (great name!) the thread I mentioned is here...

www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/healthy-body-image-tips

And David thank you for the important reminder. I forget how negative I can be about myself. Another member told me once to count how many statements were negative and then reword them as a positive (WhiteRose is a smart woman).

Nat

[quirkywords]

Just me

I have just noticed your thread which has many thoughtful and helpful replies.

One thing I have learnt afre 50 plus years of struggling with body image is that it does not matter what your weight is , you can still have bodyimage issues. Even if you reach your ideal weight, maintaining it as I have found out can be very stressful, if you are only focused on your weight and not how healthy you are and a level of acceptance.

David that was an important reminder to everyone, and Nat I say negative things which I think are funny about myself but others have said are negative.

Quirky