My Story

ALL · ‎30-10-2014

i really need to share this. no one knows everything yet.

So the first memories I have of anxiety are from about 8 years ago. The very first thought I had was on a windy night close to the beach I thought there would be a tsunami that would kill me while I was asleep. Safe to say I didn’t sleep that night. From there things only got worse and I started to be worried about everything, all the time. I would feel the worries crammed in my head and they were things I should be worried about. I got a fear of eating in public, started to do ‘rituals’ that were OCD like where I believed if I didn’t do them something bad would happen. I would stay up all night until I got it right ( this is still going on). It was horrible. I eventually went to see the school counsellor and things started to look up. I was using occasions like lent to force myself to give up OCD habits. But as one went another came. I got to a stage where I was feeling anxious, but like I could cope. But that went downhill really quick I got headaches, I couldn’t eat, felt sick all the time. The anxiety had manifested into physical symptoms and depression had come as well. Everything was an effort. I think this was the first time my mum really took notice and after a year of putting of seeing a psychologist she let me go. But now, while the worries aren’t crammed in my head anxiety has me wired all the time. I can’t relax and I am being pushed aside. My concerns are always ‘just anxiety’ and everything I have an opinion on is wrong. Apparently it’s all my fault. My depression ( and i know its a different forum) was openly denied to my doctor by my mum and she told me ‘its not like you are sick and you need treatment’. She doesn’t get it, despite what I have given her and told her. She won’t research on her own either. Im starting to feel alone and the one place I should feel comfortable, home, is the place where I feel the least comfortable.i dont want to try anymore and im starting to talk and yell at myself. at the same time i feel better because its not just in my head,l i dont think i have ever been worse? My relationship with my family is starting to go rigid.everything is just driving me nuts! HELP! Has anyone had a similar experience? I just really needed to tell someone the whole story.

Thankyou for reading 🙂

dougall · ‎05-11-2014

Hi ALL great to hear from you and a huge big hug back. I am glad you are taking notice of the good feeling. I gave someone some advice this morning and I think I will follow it also, tell the negative thoughts and feelings you will let them talk tomorrow and only the positive ones have their say today. The old saying tomorrow never comes, it is always today. My morning started off with a list I had to do in my hear so been busy for a few hours, now my list is done my head is thinking too much so I have to try and do another list. I am so pleased you have had good days and to go along with that hug I have asked a little bird to visit you so you can listen to its song. Have a really good day and if you don't that is okay as well but I know you will. Take care.

ALL · ‎06-11-2014

Hi Geoff

sorry for the late reply. thanks for reading my post. and actually, its not my post, its for all. so share whatever you please

OCD can only be understood by those who have it.

mine is not quite severe as it was- Generalized anxiety is my main conern, but OCD played a big role at night, sometimes keeping me up. sometime it would hurt.

I tried to tell my mum once about it because I lead to some health issues. others I feared would lead to other health issues and I still fear they have. some of the rituals involved kissing these photos and ornaments, wearing a certain bracelet for protection, repeating phrases in certain ways. ones now involve doing things four times, saying phrases certain ways, eating in certain ways ( pressing cold stuff to my teeth) and more. it isn't as bad I feel now as I did, but I mean some of it hurts. and the fear! they sound so strange but they are so controlling

its like this force, you can actually feel the pressure. it drives you, controls you. blackmail you.

im glad someone can relate. by the sounds of things you are struggling, and I hope that things improve. im here for you and I totally get it.

Keep me posted, and I will help anyway I can. ( didn't realise my post was moved...)

ALL

ALL · ‎06-11-2014

Hi Mal50,

in terms of avoidance, not as much as some people. my family always has this thing of 'pushing through it' ( which I have for8 years on my own) so usually I do things despite being absoulutely petrified through all of it. I do avoid some things, like in the OCD post I did to Geoff, I don't eat cetain things, I procrastinate, shy away from opinion.

usually its reluctant acceptance. the one thing I do avoid is talking to my parents though. they don't get it.

How are you? is avoidance taking an affect on you?

I hope things are okay. some stratergies which worked for me are counting down through things ( not always the best, because it means focusing on them being over), or having little things to wear or use ( for me its this lipbalm) that give me confidence. I try to access this other part of my personality- I imagine a more confident me and try to take on that role.

I am here for you

ALL

ALL · ‎06-11-2014

Hey dougall.

you have no idea how much that hug means to me. thankyou 🙂 also, the bird idea is lovely. makes me want to cry with joy ( but I was at school when I first read the post, but I did get teary). that's so sweet and again, I don't know what I would do without you. I hope that a lovely bird visits you also.

I think that bird did wonders though, because I have been having a pretty good week ( except Wednesday). it helped me get through Wednesday actually

anyway. onto other things. that stratergy works. keep postponing it until it goes maybe?

lists are perfect. embrace the satisfaction when you check something off!

I hope all is well, keep me updated and I will help as much as possible.

ALL