My Story

ALL · ‎30-10-2014

i really need to share this. no one knows everything yet.

So the first memories I have of anxiety are from about 8 years ago. The very first thought I had was on a windy night close to the beach I thought there would be a tsunami that would kill me while I was asleep. Safe to say I didn’t sleep that night. From there things only got worse and I started to be worried about everything, all the time. I would feel the worries crammed in my head and they were things I should be worried about. I got a fear of eating in public, started to do ‘rituals’ that were OCD like where I believed if I didn’t do them something bad would happen. I would stay up all night until I got it right ( this is still going on). It was horrible. I eventually went to see the school counsellor and things started to look up. I was using occasions like lent to force myself to give up OCD habits. But as one went another came. I got to a stage where I was feeling anxious, but like I could cope. But that went downhill really quick I got headaches, I couldn’t eat, felt sick all the time. The anxiety had manifested into physical symptoms and depression had come as well. Everything was an effort. I think this was the first time my mum really took notice and after a year of putting of seeing a psychologist she let me go. But now, while the worries aren’t crammed in my head anxiety has me wired all the time. I can’t relax and I am being pushed aside. My concerns are always ‘just anxiety’ and everything I have an opinion on is wrong. Apparently it’s all my fault. My depression ( and i know its a different forum) was openly denied to my doctor by my mum and she told me ‘its not like you are sick and you need treatment’. She doesn’t get it, despite what I have given her and told her. She won’t research on her own either. Im starting to feel alone and the one place I should feel comfortable, home, is the place where I feel the least comfortable.i dont want to try anymore and im starting to talk and yell at myself. at the same time i feel better because its not just in my head,l i dont think i have ever been worse? My relationship with my family is starting to go rigid.everything is just driving me nuts! HELP! Has anyone had a similar experience? I just really needed to tell someone the whole story.

Thankyou for reading 🙂

dougall · ‎30-10-2014

Hi . ALL what a story. I don't really know what to say about your mum, I am the reverse with my son, because I suffer from anxiety, depression and panic attacks I am super aware of signs in other people. My sons father is a different matter his attitude is he's all right, he's just being himself. This infuriates me because I know different. It was when my husband left that some of the behaviors changed with my son for the better. I tried for years to help my family understand, gave them information ,which they did not read. I understand your frustration and wanting to just yell actually listen to what I am saying. Sometimes the people we love the most are the ones in the biggest denial.

dougall · ‎02-11-2014

Hi ALL how are you doing today, well I hope.

Pixie15 · ‎02-11-2014

Hi All,

Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds from your post that you are still quite young and are relying on your mother to assist you to get help.

There are helplines set up especially for young people have you tried calling any of these. I know it can be hard to make a step to help yourself if you are feeling anxious. Maybe your have a friend who would keep you company while you make the call.

Hope you find some help.

Grateful.

ALL · ‎02-11-2014

Hey dougall

thabkyou for checking in with me it means a lot. Actually I have had abut of a rough week. Anxiety had been high I got mood swings and I can't concentrate.

I did however talk briefly with my friends mum and she has promises to help me. The best thing she did for me was hug me- I don't get that much.

I hope you are well also. Anxiety is a rough ride but we can get through it together.

ALL

dougall · ‎02-11-2014

Hi ALL glad to hear from you. Sorry about your week maybe next one will be better. I am glad you spoke to someone and she is going to help, it means a lot when someone actually acknowledges you need help. Hugs are great so sending you one over the line. I don't know what it is actually called cyber hug maybe anyway you have one from me.

ALL · ‎02-11-2014

Hi ggrateful

yeah I'm young- 16. I have contacted every helpline out there but I don't think it will improve without her support. I'm finding it harder and harder to feel comfortable at home now. The people I really need support from is my family. They say they know me better than I know me, how come they didn't pick up on the anxiety when I was too afraid to ask? Why now when I have it will they not listen and why can't they see ignoring me is the most painful thing?

dougall · ‎02-11-2014

Hi ALL sometimes it is difficult for a parent to acknowledge they have let their child down and have not done a good job. They know you but you are the only one that truly knows how you feel. People ignore things because they don't know how to cope with it. My son who is 17 has depression and his father says he is just being himself and does not agree with me or his son that there is anything wrong. His dad is in denial even though he has two people telling him otherwise, even the counselor told him. I don't know how to get your family to help maybe you could ask a doctor or school counselor. Do you know anyone at your school who may suffer as well maybe they can give you advice about how to reach your family.

ALL · ‎02-11-2014

Hi dougall

my mum is like that, being told twice but being in denial. she always talks to me about pushing through it though- so I wonder why she wont but I can atleast try. psychologists and counsellors tell her and they say SHE NEEDS TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST but she wont respond. while my dad is more understanding he doesn't get it either, and thinks im overreacting.

I don't know anyone who has anxiety and depression ( although im sure people do) but my friends mum ( that friend is going through her parents divorce) has offered to help me and talk to my mum and take me to a support group

I hope that you and your son are okay.im there for both of you! it can be a difficult time

ALL

dougall · ‎02-11-2014

Hi ALL what a quick reply. I have a good relationship with my son and very open so I talk to him about everything. If he needs to know something then if I can tell him I do. When I was young my parents were all about themselves and left my sister and I to fend for ourselves. We did not get cuddles and certainly not conversations on how to cope with things. It is great these days that people are recognizing there is mental illness and we are not crazy or overreacting. My son has a school councelor that he can go to when it gets too much. I think we are brought up a certain way and people of my generation swept everything under the carpet so no one knew there was any problems and if there was they were ignored it or you were just called a nutter. I think your dad has trouble with showing his emotions to you maybe he can relate deep down but won't show it because it is a sign of weakness. Men used to be taught not to show feelings and also some women. I am Scottish and when I was growing up anykind of emotional outburst, i.e. crying, wanting a cuddle, ect was a sign of weakness. It is hard when the people you rely on the most can't be there for you. Everyone is here for you and listening. If your mum needs help and is in denial about her own mental wellbeing then she will find it hard to understand you because she thinks if she can do it then you can. I don't know if this is helping. I know parents can be a pain and adults. I hope you and your friend can help each other out. My son is going through his parents being separated. His father is so detached from him it is not funny. His father is even more detached from his own emotional feelings. We all watch out for one another on here so please let me know how you are doing every so often. I will be thinking of you.