My constant battle of Depression & Anxiety

Ally_1996 · ‎13-04-2016

I was diagnosed with depression in 2012 at 16 years of age. I'm now 19, and I still suffer from symptoms of severe depression and anxiety today. I exercise daily, I meditate, have undertaken behavioural therapy and similar things, yet nothing has stopped my thoughts of depression, constant worry and anxiety. Being out and around people in public; going to work or socialising makes me nervous to the point where I almost always have a panic attack. For a year now I've wondered if I've been misdiagnosed? This is only due to the fact I my moods are either a severe depressive state, or a high/energetic happy state. But when I'm in that high/energetic state I almost feel crazy, and slightly impulsive when it comes to making decisions. Another thing is, in between these moods. I can never relax. Ever. No matter how hard I try, I just can't. It's really hard to explain, but I experience more severe lows then any other feeling. Is there anyone who can identify with these feelings? If so, what were you diagnosed with?

Zeal · ‎13-04-2016

Hi Ally,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear you've had depression for several years, and that you are dealing with severe anxiety now too. It's fantastic that you are actively using strategies to improve your health, with the exercise, meditation and the past behaviour therapy. Are you generally able to sleep and eat well? Also, are you living at home still, and if so, are you comfortable and supported where you live? It's important to have people to support you. Try to confide in a close family member or friend from time to time. Also ask about their life and how they're doing, of course. There's no shame in admitting you would like emotional support though, whether that's sharing a meal with a close family friend or sibling at your home or having a phone conversation. It's challenging at times to be around others and to talk about the pain you're experiencing, but it is honestly a crucial component of recovery.

The alternating manic/depressive states you've described sound quite like Bipolar Disorder, but it must be accurately diagnosed. So going to your doctor (GP) and explaining what you detailed here is very important. It may take a few sessions to figure out what's going on, but it's very much worth it.
I was diagnosed with OCD (anxiety) at 13 years of age, which is ten years ago now. I had mild depression in my teens, and an atypical eating disorder at 19.

I hope you can seek help again from your doctor, to ensure you have the right diagnoses.

You are very welcome to post back 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

pipsy · ‎13-04-2016

Hi Ally. Welcome and sorry you're not feeling well. After re-reading your post I'm inclined to agree with SM's response. As well as the depressive/ high energetic feelings you've described, do you experience any other feelings? I would suggest you try to take a note of any other feelings you have and when you see your Dr, mention these to him too. It almost sounds a bit like you may also have a form of ADD. ADD stops you from enjoying life because you don't have the ability to slow down and 'smell the roses'. I would see the Dr, explain how you're feeling, possibly you may have to take, some sort of mental health assessment test, don't quote me. This will help the Dr determine the problem.

Lynda.

Ally_1996 · ‎13-04-2016

Thank you for your response. I'm not able to sleep well, eating is a problem (I've ladys had insomnia) and eating is too- only because I over eat when I'm stressed. My home environment isn't the best, but unfortunately there's nothing I can really do about it because of studying. I've been on medication before, but it stall hasn't been very effective and I often found that I would still experience the mood swings and almost mania like periods when I was taking them. In other words, I just didn't have very stable moods. And that's what I think part of the problem is, however whenever I speak to my gp about the possibility of it being bipolar or something else; I feel like she seems reluctant to even discuss it/take action?

Ally_1996 · ‎13-04-2016

Thank you for your response. As well as the depressed and high/energetic feelings, I experience others too. These can be worthlessness, suicidal, low energy, extremely upset. But when I experience the high/energetic feelings I feel more confident, and happy (but almost like a mania type of happy) the thing is I the majority I experience is severe lows, as opposed to high?

I also thought about ADD. I have difficulty concentrating, and I often feel like I have problems learning and remembering information. The only thing is I find when I try to talk to my gp or psychologist about it, they seem reluctant to discuss it being something else. It's like they're set on it being only depression, but the fact I'm experiencing these other feelings at such a severe extent indicates to me that it's definitely more to it. The medication I was taking helped the depression, however my moods were still so unstable.

Zeal · ‎13-04-2016

Hi Ally,

I'm sorry to hear about your insomnia. My insomnia started after I left hospital in 2012, where I stayed in a mental health ward for two months. This was in large part because nurses by regulation must check beds to ensure patients are safe every hour or so. My sleep goes through stages. I have been more anxious than usual since the weekend, so my sleep has worsened (after being acceptable for a while). Last night I only slept from 1 til 4, and then napped sitting upright in bed from 10 am til noon today!

I am sorry to hear that your home environment isn't ideal. I also tend to overeat when I'm stressed. Aim to have the three main meals at least, even if you binge eat or over-eat inbetween and don't feel overly hungry. Don't force yourself to eat if you can't though. The overeating will hopefully improve once your mental health does. Since your GP isn't looking further into the nature of your mental health (and this is concerning you), try to make an appointment with a psychologist or psychiatrist. If you go to a few appointments and it's not helping you at all (or they rule out Bipolar), then you are not under any obligation to continue. However, a psychologist or psychiatrist is generally going to be better equipped to help with specific mental health concerns than a GP, due to their training.

Best wishes,

SM

pipsy · ‎13-04-2016

Hi Ally. It's quite upsetting when you feel you're not being heard when you try to explain how you're feeling. Have you thought about changing Dr's. Perhaps a new Dr might be prepared to listen closer. If you believe you have ADD, the meds you're taking for depression may help there, but with ADD, it's a whole different problem. have you 'googled' ADD's to see if any of the symptoms match what you're describing? I think it's now called ADHD, maybe if you tried 'googling' ADHD, there may be some useful info re: the problem. Once you've learned a bit more, perhaps then go back to your Dr and ask him if it's possible for a test to see if you do have the condition.

Lynda.