Battling OCD and Intrusive Thoughts--My anxiety

[Graceeeeee]

Hi everyone! Anyone's who's reading this is welcomed to join the conversation. This is about my OCD and anxiety issues, which I've had for a few years now. 

So I'm still in high school, and I've started having compulsions a few years back, it actually all started when I was in year 8 after an incident happened on a school trip, and I didn't realise all this until last year and the beginning of this year. My OCD is probably hereditary from my grandfather and my father. The problem for me is when I have intrusive thoughts that are bad (usually mean spirited or something hurtful towards others) I immediately get alerted and anxious, I'd usually try to justify them and if I can't convince myself that I don't actually mean them, I get nervous and anxious and sometimes I recover after a while. I have a strong sense of self control and I can calm myself down sometimes, but I realise that it's affecting me socially, when the anxiety affects me when I talk to people.I realised writing this down and talking to other about my problem might make it easier, and everyone here is very very welcomed to discuss your problems with me too. I will talk more about this later.Thanks for listening to me!

Sending you all some love in case you need some 🙂

Grace xx

[Dwwmills]

Hello Graceeeeee.

Welcome to the forum.

From my understanding OCD is an anxiety disorder in itself. I have had some experience with OCD as my daughter suffered from it quite severely about 10 years ago. We eventually saw a psychologist (for cognitive based therapy) and a psychiatrist (for medication). The combination of the two worked extremely well. She no longer sees the psychologist or the psychiatrist, is off medication and leads a pretty normal life. She still gets anxious from time to time, as we all do but nothing out of the ordinary.

Have you sought professional help for your OCD? There is a lot of help out there and there’s no point in trying to reinvent the wheel or suffering from it any longer than you have to.

Cheers

Dean

[Graceeeeee]

Hey Dean!

Thank you for your reply it's nice to feel that someone care about my problem 🙂 Yes I think OCD is primarily caused by anxiety. It's nice to hear that your daughter has recovered, thanks for the advice about going to see aa professional. I have heard that CBT is a really useful therapy. It's a bit of an awkward situation, I don't really know where to start or where to find a good professional for help, also if I have to admit I think I'm a bit embarrassed to, it's just a courages step to take. I get better sometimes and sometimes (less times now) I get a bit of a relapse, I tell myself that I know how to handle this, because the fact is I when I try very hard I do get better, so that's the times when I'm not really bothered to go to a professional, but there are worse time when I do need some help. I'm not sure about all this. But I do take baby steps, like the first step is finding out that I have OCD, the next is finding out how intrusive thoughts work, the third is getting to know that this is tightly related to anxiety, then the next is to start talking about myself on this forum. All these things do help, but I haven't tried going to a professional yet, and I think I won't go yet for some time, but maybe there will be a stage in the future where I decide to take that step.

But it does help to talk about it on here, so thanks a lot for your reply Dean! Hope you're doing well too 🙂

With love,

Grace xx

[blondguy]

Hey Graceeeeee

Sorry you are doing it tough at the moment...but Dean nailed it spot on 🙂

You mentioned 'babysteps' and well done to you for that! And for writing to us as well 🙂 You are a Legend

Speaking about babysteps.....A specialist is probably a good idea....however do you have a good GP? The reason I ask is that a really good GP can be of a big help even if you see them once or twice a week.

Many people have the same intrusive thoughts and it shows you are a sensitive and caring person Grace...I have had similar thoughts over a few years and and learnt to 'let them pass' (Cognitive Behavioral Adjustment)

Like Dean said...OCD is plain old anxiety either way you look at it....It is very common (more than you'd believe)

BUT...you had the guts to get on here and talk about it.....and for that you really are a Legend Grace

Please be Gentle to Yourself.....and let us know how you are going when you can

Hugz

Paul

[Graceeeeee]

Hello Paul!

Thanks for your kind words, they really mean a lot to me, it's a weird and amazing feeling when someone sees you in such a good way, I am deeply touched and that was really awesome of you for trying to help. You say I'm sensitive and caring, I reckon we all are because we know and we've been through what others here are going through.

Thanks for asking Paul, but I don't have a GP yet, I'll try to find one, it might be a bit more complicated for me since I'm not actually a permeant resident in Australia and my healthcare might not cover all that, but maybe I will take the step and reach out. Just now I was looking for GPs online and haven't had much luck yet, but I'll ask around and I'll tell you how everything goes 🙂

It's really good to hear that you've learnt how to let the thoughts pass Paul! It's always nice to hear about someone's recovery, and it's really nice of you to still stick around here, I'd say you're a true legend too! 🙂 I love how supportive this community is and how supportive you guys are, cannot thank you enough!

I'll sure let you know how everything goes, I hope you have the best day!

With love,

Grace xx

[Kazzl]

Hi Grace, I hope you don't mind me asking this - have you talked with your parents or an older relative about the OCD? I ask because  I hate to think of you suffering when maybe, as the others have suggested, professional help might of great benefit, and maybe your folks could help you.

I hope I'm not out of order here hun. I've seen other posts from you and I really admire your spirit and kindness. I guess I'm asking as a mum - my daughter (now nearly 30) had problems in her teens and she tried to hide them and deny them and they got worse. Must admit, I wasn't as good a mum as I should have been then, too focussed on my own problems. And I regret that so much.

If you don't want to or can't talk to your parents, there are other ways you can get help. Start with your doctor. Don't bear this alone - you're such a bright young woman and have such a lot of life and love ahead of you to enjoy.

Kaz

[Graceeeeee]

Hello Kazzl!

What a lovely reply thank you for your kind words too. Thanks a lot for asking, you're not out of place at all, it's nice of you to ask. I have talked to my parents about this, I haven't for years but I recently did, I told them about OCD and what I know about intrusive thoughts, they care a lot and they support me, my father has OCD too. However I don't think they know very much about mental health issues, when they were growing up they didn't really get educated about mental health and no one really talked about it, they still love and support me of course, and now that they know I have OCD, I wasn't completely open about it, I guess I didn't want my mom to worry to much, but opening up to her the first time felt nice.

For things like this I'm going to seek help from someone else, I actually just looked up a medical centre online, I'm a little nervous about it and maybe tomorrow I'm going to call and ask some questions.

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter went through this too, hope you don't feel too bad about it, it wasn't your fault and I know it'd mean enough sometimes if you just be there for her, which I'm sure and I know you are, because I can tell you are very open and supportive about all this 🙂

Thanks for your kind words, you say you admire my spirit and my kindness, I do try to help others, I guess everyone here does, here we have some of the most supportive, loving and understanding people, I cannot be grateful enough for that.

Thanks again for your lovely reply xx, I hope you and your daughter are both doing well! Maybe talk to her and see if she wants to talk to someone about her worries too? If she does I think here would be a great place to start 🙂

With love,

 Grace xx

[Luna_Louise]

Hi Grace,

 i also struggle very much with intrusive thoughts and I understand how disturbing and distressing they are. 

This forum is definitely an excellent place to start in terms of seeking help. I wish I had known about it when I was first diagnosed, it's so comforting to know that there are heaps of people dealing with the same stuff and that you're not alone at all.

I understand that getting professional help is actually quite complicated, especially due to your status as a non-citizen, but I really encourage you to seek out a decent psychologist or psychiatrist. I've been seeing one for a few years now, and she is fabulous. It has been a massive challenge however, in having to open up to someone and share my darkest secrets and most disturbing thoughts with someone, so I get your reservations. Even though I've been seeing her for a few years, the session I had just last week was difficult when I had to reveal what was going on in my mind. However, I can assure you that it is totally worth it. Psychologists deal with a lot of the same stuff, and mine has reassured me that even the things I thought were the worst to tell her didn't phase her at all. For me, pushing through the discomfort was 100% worth it, and the more that you tell them, the better they can help you. 

Anyways sorry for ranting about psychologists. I'm really glad that you posted this, it really helps me to feel understood in my struggles. I don't know anyone else that has ocd, and when I try to explain my intrusive thoughts to my friends, they immediately judge me and think I'm dangerous or something. I think not being understood is one of the most difficult things for me, so thank you for sharing your story on this forum.

all the best

Xx

[Graceeeeee]

Hello Luna! 🙂

Welcome to the forum! Thank you for your lovely reply, whenever someone tells me about their problems it just makes me feel less alone 🙂 It's so nice of you to advice me to go see a professional, I have called one of the local medical centres the other day, I was going to make an appointment with a GP but I didn't in the end, because the lady there told me that she wasn't sure if the GP session fee there could be covered by my health insurance. I made an appointment with my high school counsellor yesterday, I'm hoping that she could help 🙂

Anyway thank you for understanding and your lovely advices too, of course I understand how disturbing these thoughts can be, you are totally not alone xx, if you ever have anything you want to talk about you are always welcomed to discuss them with me, I find that just talking to someone, even not a professional, can just help a great deal too, which is the beauty of this forum.

Thank you so much for your love and support, sending my love and hugs to you too, hope to hear from you soon!

With Love,

Grace xx

[geoff]

dear Grace, welcome on board, and there have been so many different posts on OCD on this site, so you could google
'beyond blue/intrusive thoughts', however I have had OCD for 56 years and know what you are saying, because all of a
sudden those with this illness have an intrusive thought, which we really know won't
happen, but it still doesn't stop us from having them, and they could usually be about someone we love, and we can never
understand why which is the most frustrating and definitely annoying thought.
I have mentioned before on other posts but I will once again about one of my intrusive thoughts.
I for some reason I always wanted to hit my Mum, who I loved so dearly and so much and wouldn't, but this thought
kept on nagging me everytime I saw her, hell it was terrible and no one else knew, but as soon as she was put into
a nursing home these thoughts immediately stopped.
For some reason once I stopped these awful thoughts about Mum these intrusive thoughts started to dwindle away.
Can I also say that over all the years I had OCD, my rituals and habits have definitely changed, however they are only
replaced by another habit/ritual.
I also take medication for my depression and which they are supposed to help people with this illness. Geoff. x