Anxiety focusing on my relationship

[Headhurt]

Hi, I'm new to this I have read these forums before but have been to worried to post my own story.

So I met my girlfriend 4months ago after talking for about 6 months, the night I met her standing there waiting for me to pick her up something clicked and i fell for her straight away and she did to I found out later on. My anxiety hit me hard that night and has been getting worse everyday, I will have times were I'm okay then something comes back in my mind and won't stop.

I became so depressed and anxious that something would happen and she would leave that I stopped doing everything and just hid in bed for weeks, she is the most amazing person I have ever met and has stood by me the whole time while I cry get moody ect. The problem is as soon as I wake up it starts and my mind tries to convince me to leave so I don't get hurt, by the end of the day I'm that wound up and moody I get upset over the smallest thing.

I know this all comes from watching my parents break up and all my failed relationships so I just think that they never work and il get hurt and lose the girl I want to spend my life with. It's at the point I'm to scared to go to work, see mates go to gym or anything thinking she will break up with me even though deep down I know that's ridiculous and wouldn't ever happen. My mind constantly tries to convince me I don't love her, to run away, that she's not beautiful (which is insane because she's the most beautiful girl ive ever seen) and so on.

I need help so any advice would be great

[blondguy]

Dear Headhurt

A Warm Welcome to the BB Forums

You have shown great courage by posting by the way! I am sorry that you are experiencing the dreadful feelings of depression. I too have had depression and its a dark place to find yourself.

Unwanted thoughts about something that hasnt happened are common with depression even giving you symptoms of anxiety as well. You are not alone where intrusive/unwanted thoughts are concerned. I am not a doc but when I had the same thoughts about my relationship in my 20's the doctor said I was 'catastrophising' about what may happen in the future thus explaining the symptoms you are experiencing.

If I may ask you Headhurt....do you have a GP that you get along with? If you can book in and have a chat about your feelings as he/she will be a great help to start your healing process.

With a regular visit to a GP/Counsellor you will benefit greatly.

There are many wonderful people here on The Forums that can help too

My Kindest Thoughts for you

Paul

[pipsy]

Dear Headhurt. Hi and welcome. May I ask how old you were when your parents broke up? If you were quite young, this would've been devastating, even if you had some idea of their decision. Perhaps you are still trying to adjust to your parents parting. If you were particularly close to them, maybe even feeling as though you somehow caused the break. Have you ever talked to your parents about how you felt? This anxiety from their split could've carried on into your teenage years, more especially if you couldn't talk to them. Is your new gf aware yet of this situation with your estranged parents? Perhaps if you could talk to your parents and explain your feelings about their separation. It could be that because you don't want to end your new relationship, but are frightened of her ending because of differences in opinions, you're subconsciously pushing her away. Sometimes when we are fearful of getting hurt, we inadvertently push people away, rather than wait for them to push us. It almost sounds like a form of PTSD, brought about by circumstances beyond your control. Are both your parents still alive, I would be inclined to talk them first about your fears with your own relationships. If they don't or can't talk, perhaps a trip to your Dr to tell him how you're feeling.

Your gf sounds awesome. I wish you all the best.

Lynda.

[Zeal]

Hi, and welcome to the forum,

It's great that you've fallen in love with this girl. Finding the right person and being in love is an amazing feeling. I'm so sorry to hear your anxiety is jeopardising your feelings of security in the relationship. You feel you've found someone so wonderful, and are now threatened and anxious that something will change that or something bad will happen. Luckily, when love is concerned, relationships are quite resilient.

If you don't mind me asking, have you told your girlfriend about these feelings of anxiety? Have you been diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression? Getting a diagnosis is not about being labelled. Knowing the condition you have makes it easier to find out information, to treat it (not necessarily with medication) and to explain to a few people close to you what's going on.

I have had anxiety (OCD) for 10 years now, since the age of 13. I also had mild depression in my teens. My first relationship was at 21, and the relationship I'm in now started last year. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, and I love him more than anything or anyone. I told him about my anxiety very early on in the relationship. I joined his group of friends (before I knew him) in January last year, as my best friend started including me in this group, which includes her now ex-boyfriend.

My boyfriend is really caring and understanding, and he says he loves me just as I am. This week I have been feeling emotionally vulnerable due to finding out some worrying news about a friend on the weekend (and maybe there's other stuff hidden beneath the surface). I ended up dropping by his place yesterday afternoon. We lay down to relax, and I told him I was feeling anxious and not myself. I ended up crying in his arms, which was comforting and helped to express my emotions. I didn't spend time with him on Monday at all or on Tuesday morning (it's our uni holidays), because I thought I should perhaps be alone. This is rarely if ever helpful when it comes to anxiety or depression. Tell your girlfriend that you are feeling anxious and fear losing her. Mention your parents splitting up. This girl sounds amazing, so being honest with her is the best approach.

Please see a doctor (GP) about your feelings of anxiety and depression ASAP.

Best wishes,

SM