LOST ABOUT UNI AND SCARED FOR FUTURE

[lostelle]

Hey everyone, this is my first post so I guess I'll just get into it.

So I'm currently in year 12 and I graduate in a week which is causing me some serious anxiety - I wake up every night at 3am with knots in my stomach, heart beating fast and just wanting to cry. I guess I'm scared about leaving somewhere I feel so comfortable into this unknown of Uni, which is causing me so much stress and anxiety.

I'm scared of a few things 1. Not seeing my few friends ever again, 2. I have no idea what course I want to do so I'm scared I'll choose one that isn't right for me and then hate it and thus have to transfer, 3. Not making friends at Uni (because noone from my school is going to the Uni I'm thinking of going to, which is making me want to go somewhere else just so I have friends and wont be alone.

I know these things sound silly but I'm not the best at making new friends - like I am a party person but walking into a room where I know noone and everyone else has at least one friend terrifies me. I really am tempted to just go to a Uni where I know I will have people because of the fear of not making friends and all that.

On top of all that I have no idea what course I want to do - so I'm just doing something very general, but what if I hate it? I don't want to be there for 6 months then transfer courses and then transfer Uni's and have to be at Uni longer than I planned especially with no friends. I honestly have no idea what to do and I get so much more anxiety when my friends talk about what they are going to do - they seem to all know the exact course and exact job and the group of people they will be studying with and I have none of that which makes me cry often and I'm in a permanent state of anxiety. You would think that choosing the course is the most stressful thing but if I'm completely honest, the thought of going to university and not knowing anyone scares me the most and gives me the most anxiety. I honestly have no clue what to do, so I guess any help would be appreciated.

[Guest_322]

Hi Lostelle,

Welcome to the forums 😊

I think this time of the year can be very scary- and understandably so- for year 12 students. It marks both an ending and a new beginning, which can be very nerve racking. I think your post will be very relatable to many students.

Btw I'm 20 years old and currently in my 2nd year of uni . But I can still remember my year 12 days so a lot of what you're saying resonates with me.

Understandably, you have a lot of fears about finishing school and going to uni. But you highlighted that you're most worried about going to uni and not knowing anyone there.

So maybe we can start by talking about that one a little?

If it helps, many people will be in the same boat as you. I'm personally at a different uni to many of my high school friends, for example.

Admittedly it did take a little getting used to but what helped me adjust was the following

- there's a very good chance that you'll keep in touch with your school friends even if you're at different unis. I'm one example (and I know this is the case for most of my uni friends as well).

If everyone puts in the effort to see each other during the week/ends then you can definitely maintain friendships 😊

- it's easier to make friends/talk to people in your tutorials (tutes) than lectures at uni. This is because tutes tend to have between 10-30 students whereas lectures can easily have hundreds.

Make the most of your tute opportunities would be my suggestion 😊 I've personally made many friends in my tutes.

- try out what I have coined "strategic seating. So maybe avoid the temptation to find yourself a cozy, little seat in the back corner far away from everyone else.

Instead, sit near other students because it makes it easier to start a conversation, and you will seem more approachable too.

- join a society or club...there are academic clubs, hobby clubs, etc to meet other students with common interests.

- talk to someone about what you're going through like a school counsellor or perhaps calling the Kids Helpline.

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi Lostelle,

Kudos again to you for your honest thoughts and for posting. I hope it's okay if I send a second post as I wanted to talk about your worries about your course.

I think it's hard to know what you want to do whether it's career-wise or otherwise in year 12. I mean, there are people many times your age who still aren't sure (although some of them just might not want to admit it to anyone).

It's intimidating when your friends seem to have their studies and future careers all figured out when you're still feeling so uncertain yourself. But I guess maybe it would help to remember that their path is theirs and try to focus on your own path instead. It's a lot easier said than done but trying to compare yourself less can help.

If it helps, many people change courses and some people even have complete career changes after spending years in a particular industry.

If you're very unsure about the courses that you have applied for, how about taking a gap year? Sometimes it helps to see the world a bit and try out various jobs to figure out what you like/don't like.

I went straight to uni after year 12, and wish I had taken a gap year (rest assured, I plan to take a gap year at the end of my degre ha, ha).

Also, there are career advisors and some are even specific to faculties that you can talk to at uni.

Hope this helps a little. Hang in there.

Dottie x

[SanguineCandle]

Hey Lostelle,

I know how you feel. This was me in year 12 too. I didn't really know what I wanted to do and I didn't have friends going to the same uni as I did.

As Dottie has said, you will see your friends again if you all want to. I'm also in my second year of uni and while it's true that after graduation people drift, your closest friends will stay with you. It's hard to make friends at uni in the sense that it's quite intimidating being in a room full of people you don't know. However, everyone else is feeling the same. I feel like the first year especially, everyone is open to making friends.

Simple conversation starter: Hi, are you doing (insert whatever course or class)? Then introduce yourself. Or ask them about an upcoming assessment or what they think about the work or teacher or something happening in the uni etc.

For first years, your tutors will start off with ice breakers. It can be something as simple as finding a partner and introducing yourself to each other or a little game. You're also encouraged to do partner/ small group work so you're likely to make friends that way. Don't be worried if you don't make friends in your classes - there are societies that you can join where you will meet people with interests like you. They always try to take care of first years since we all know how it felt.

Don't be afraid of sitting alone or joining a group whether it be in classes, lectures, having lunch etc. I know in high school people look at you strangely when you do that and I used to feel ashamed and like a loner but after a while it becomes really common. You're an adult, people don't judge you for stuff like that, we're all busy doing our own things.

Doing a general course is a good idea. I wouldn't worry about changing or transferring. People make it seem like a big deal but you have plenty of years and studying is not a waste. Many people change their courses or drop out in the first year because things weren't as expected and almost everyone has at least one career change in their lives. It's much better to try something, realise that you don't like it and transfer to something you love rather than to try something, realise you don't like it and keep staying there being miserable in order to just finish the degree.

It will all be quite nerve wracking at first but trust me, after a while you'll become settled in and it'll feel like a second home. Also - don't ever be afraid to ask for directions if you're lost. We all want to help.