21 year old male never had a girlfriend and never been kissed

LiamG · ‎08-10-2016

Hi all, I'm a 21 year old male and I've never been kissed or had a girlfriend. Almost all of my friends have girlfriends. I'm not the best looking guy out there so I haven't had many girls call me attractive, but I'm terrible when it comes to girls, I just don't really know how to talk to them and I don't think I'm able to make them laugh either. I'm born with a condition called Russell silver syndrome and it brings me down. It's not such a common disease. Just look it up, if you wanna see what it means. But I think I look hideous because of it, I have really dark circles under my eyes because I suffer from insomnia, I have a overbite, I hate my voice and I'm a short guy because of my condition I'm 5'3.

However I am a nice guy and I am not in it for sex and just want a relationship. I sometimes look at beautiful girls and they look at me like, whys he looking at me???

I have many crushes throughout my life and I ended up knowing they wouldn't love me back, one made me feel depressed for quite a while.

I feel so ashamed because I see all these guys around me that have girlfriends and they seem to be charming somehow and good looking.

I try to dress my best although I always wear the same sort of shirts like band shirts or pop culture shirts with shorts and a pair of vans, although girls never really comment on my shirts or anything.

I shave almost everyday and wash my hair everyday and keep it tidy.

I've never even hung out with a girl unless it's been with a friends girlfriend, by myself. It's not fair and I wasted my high school years not doing this instead isolating myself away playing video games, even though then I wish I had a girlfriend.

I feel like I'm just going to grow into a lonely old man, being a virgin and never kissing a girl.

I'm thinking going out to a bar with a friend of mine sometime soon to try and find girls although I don't know how they will work because I have tried apps and they have worked zero percent for me, no matter how many girls profiles I like, I get nothing back. Yet my friend met his girlfriend on one and I had a friend that was being liked girls on it all the time and they were messaging him. I've tried messaging girls before and they ask what I look like and I show them and then they're out, they don't wanna talk to me.

BballJ · ‎09-10-2016

Hi Liam,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

It's a tough tough thing these days growing up, trying to date girls as a young male. I understand where you are coming from regarding you not being happy with your appearance and finding girls don't give you a chance, i experienced this when i was growing up all through high school, i never really fitted into the high school i was at, so never went on dates with girls and never really spoke with them, i was always ashamed of my looks partly due to being overweight didn't help my self confidence either. It wasn't until i got out of a high school and met a girl that i had my first girlfriend, but we clicked on a personality level, we had so much in common, we broke up after two years mutually but what i learned from it was being myself and being confident in myself were huge.

I understand you have tried apps etc but are there other things you enjoy doing, obviously video games is one but sometimes to meet people you just need to have the same interests and do the same things, i met my now wife due to basketball, i was single for 3 odd years before i met her but our common interest in basketball got us talking. I would say go to the bar with your friend, but just go for a good time, go to have a laugh with your mate... let the other stuff flow...

My best for you mate

Jay

Jon4eva · ‎09-10-2016

Hang in there mate. I never kissed a girl till I was 22! And when I finally did it was worth the wait. What I hear is that you just want companionship more than a girlfriend and it will come with time. Just make sure you focus on your self first and have a few activities you want to be good at like playing sport, maybe some board games, do some art or writing heck, anything that sounds interesting to you. That way when you do meet a girl you want to know better you can invite her to do the things you like doing. Trust me, focus on making yourself a bit more complete and a little more happy, the rest will come with time.

geoff · ‎09-10-2016

hi Liam, I know how you feel because you feel as though there is no one out there who will love you, well not true, there is always someone for everyone it's just that they haven't come along yet, but someone will, so you mustn't stay at home because this person won't come along while you're sitting at home, you have to go to this bar and this maybe a place where you can regularly go, you have to make yourself known, and if you feel as though you're not as handsome as another chap then this just makes it another hurdle to jump.
You don't to do this to yourself, most of us worry about something we may or may not have and consider it to be a set back and feel as though people will always pick up this set back we have, wrong again because it doesn't matter how old you are before you get to kiss a girl, in hindsight it means nothing. Geoff.

LiamG · ‎11-10-2016

Thanks Bballj, Jon4eva and Geoff. I'm going to look for something to get into, i am into sports but really just watching it as i am not really an athletic person, but i am not sure what to really try, but i will find something.

I will ask my friend when we can go to this bar and if we can regularly go.

Touille · ‎12-10-2016

Hi LiamG,

Welcome to the club, I'm 35 and never kissed a girl, only on the cheek.This is primarily cause I'm a Christian and prefer to marry, than be intimate.

I had a nice GF, but it didn't work out, more long distance relationship.

There are lots of pretty girls who are shallow and judgmental. Try and look in other places, other than pubs,like sporting clubs, since you like sport, I met many nice women at sport clubs. I could of been married now, but enjoyed my youth so I traveled.

I read about your condition, sorry to hear you feel like you do. There are still nice caring women out there, so keep your chin up. You need to find a unique girl who is very caring, she will want you for your personality, not looks. I tell you from experience, real pretty girls can bring drama and heartache, a girl with a beautiful personality is more precious than any fine gem, they are a joy to be around and talk to.

Focus on developing yourself and being the best person you can be and in time your lovely future girl will come along. A nice girl will be patient with your nerves, so just talk a little slowly and try not let your imagination predict the outcome.

I hope this helps.

Take Care

Touille

gdog_96 · ‎13-10-2016

I'm like you except the girl version (w/out your condition, sorry hope that wasn't rude!), But I'm 20 and never been "properly" kissed, I guess it doesn't bother me that much and please, please don't go for a girl with good looks! I mean people who like someone just b/c they're good looking, it won't last (my psychologist told me this). I guess all I can say is, all good comes for those who wait 🙂 I'm sorry if this hasn't been helpful at all; I wish our society wasn't so superficial and people actually looked at the heart instead of the face/ body/ outward appearance.

Please don't feel ashamed about your other friends- it may look all well and good on the surface, but beneath, it could be much different - looks can be deceiving, my friend; I know that's VERY DIFFICULT to do b/c I compare myself to others ALL THE TIME. Also, I've heard and learnt (from two friends that were sexually abused) that being single can be a great thing 🙂 It's good that you keep yourself clean, someone will appreciate that one day 🙂

I know what you mean about the crushes thing as well......I've tried to look at the positive aspects of being single, instead of the negative, even though it kills me when I see couple's affection in the public 🙂

Also please don't waste your time liking girl's photos, who don't like you back... I used to do that, but in a different way and I got nothing out of it 😞

Sorry if this hasn't been helpful...just wanted to share b/c I have had a similar experience to you 🙂

peachyboo · ‎13-10-2016

hey Liam,

i found myself in the same position, i just wanted a boy to like me. it seemed something was wrong with me, but i learnt that im great. and you sound great too!!. dont give up the things you love to attarct girls. it is so not worth it. i wanted a boyfriend so bad that i went into a relationship just to discover its not what i wanted and because of this i did things i didnt want to because i thought that is what he wanted.

i dont want you to fall into the same trap. from your discription you sound quirky and lovely and have a lovely personality, i find things have a way of appearing when you least expect it.

on another note valerian tea is a very nice natural way to help you sleep.

good luck! 🙂