Loneliness study and money

[Strangefemme2000]

Hello beyond blue humans

I’m in a spot of trouble with my loneliness I guess you could say. I’ve not really felt connected to anything outside myself for some time and although it has its sad times I’ve adapted to enjoy it mostly. I do have friends and family around but I still feel disconnected. That’s just some background as I feel like this may have contributed to me becoming a ‘people pleaser’. Before I had accepted this lonely feeling as part of life I was desperate to change it and make connections with people, unfortunately whenever I have tried to share what hurts me it’s mostly met with annoyance or non chalance (Which I have come to just see as everyone is having their own struggles). Now I just stumble about trying to make sure people are ok, seek people’s approval and do my best not to upset anyone often at my own expense. I feel in a real pickle with it. In addition to this I’m financially struggling right now while studying full time. I guess I’ve run out of coping skills again. If anyone has anything useful I may be able to do to help myself along that would be much appreciated. Warm regards

P.s I have tried professional help many times but I am usually unsuccessful with it due to reasons mentioned above.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Strangefemme,

What an insightful and self aware post. It sounds like you lost part of yourself while trying to please everyone else...keeping the peace, not making waves and trying to keep everyone “happy” sounds very exhausting and draining.The emotional toll must be enormous so no wonder you’re feeling disconnected, not to mention how your attempts to reach out were met with disappointing responses...

I wonder if perhaps you just haven’t found “your people”, so to speak, yet. What I mean is people who “get you” and who would be more willing to listen to your troubles.

People that you would feel safe and comfortable enough around for you to be you. Not the “you” who’s trying to people please and feels as though you’re constantly waking on eggshells but “you” with all your quirks in full display, and loved for it all.

Perhaps it might help for you to re-consider your friendship circle...and think about what qualities you need (truly need) in your friends. For example, loyalty is a big thing for me in (my close) friends. Flighty and consistently unreliable friends, I keep at a distance...I suppose what I’m getting at is knowing what you want and need in people (and of course this might be different for each person).

I hear you about your financial struggles. That can be so stressful especially considering your full time study load.

I was wondering if you’ve considered all the potential Centrelink payments and benefits that you might be eligible for plus sometimes charities (e.g. Salvos and Anglicare) can offer financial assistance so maybe call around to see what they can offer. I suppose another option is to study part time and work more but I’m not sure if that is feasible for your course (or something you want to do).

Hopefully I’ve given you something to think about. Feel free to talk as much as you like here. I, plus I’m sure many others, want to try our best to support you.

Gentle and kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Doolhof]

Hi Femme,

Hope you don't mind, I have dropped the "strange" bit. Maybe different or unique might be kinder words to use in describing yourself.

I too have been a people pleaser, putting up with unhelpful relationships as I have thought they were the only ones I was able to be a part of.

Moving to a different area, people didn't know me, so I could be me! Hopefully you will have opportunities to meet new people and you can be you, who you want to be deep inside.

Pepper has made some good points regarding where you may be able to receive assistances. Some Church groups have resources as well. Our Church does a free meal once a week for anyone who needs a meal and some company.

Maybe you could consider another professional to help you. Write down what you are hoping this person can help you with, then if/when you attend the appointment hand them the piece of paper and ask if he/she can help you with what you have written.

Not sure what else to write, hope you feel welcome here on the forum!

Cheers to you from Dools

[Strangefemme2000]

I honestly find therapy to be a waste of money, just for me personally. I’ve given it a go about maybe 6 times now with a minimum of 4 session per try with different therapists. I didn’t really get much out of it. Except perhaps someone to talk to a little but I don’t find that’s worth an average of $100 a session.

I am about to withdraw from most people in my life as my heart hurts to much to be so solid for people but to turn around and be alone when I need a little help. In the last few days I’ve had 2 messages from friends asking me how I am and all I’ve said is ‘I’m not to good really, how about you?’ And received no replies just that very sad ‘read’ and the disheartening notifications of them being online near constantly. This is a pattern I’ve experienced a lot. Maybe I’ll hear from them in a week or so When it might be ‘safe’ to contact me again. My mother does this too. Just leaves me when I’m up set. I try so hard to be non invasive and politely ask for help because I’m so desperate. I try so hard to be kind and cut people slack. I sometimes think where is my slack? But I’m aware no one owes me anything, It still hurts my heart very much. I’m going to actively isolate myself now because it makes me feel like I have a little power over how people relate to me by purposely not relating.

Ideally id love to move away and start again. Perth has never seemed a particularly friendly city to me. Although I’m unable to do this given my current finances.

I know I asked for advice but I’m not sure how to change things anymore I’ve tried all the things people could suggest. Therapy, new friends hobbies, healthy food exercise. What’s left?

[Megzt84]

Hi Strangefemme,

I am sorry that you are feeling this way.

Sometimes you just need to take a step back from the people in your life that are not bringing anything positive. They will always come back if it's meant to be.

If you do feel like you do want to get professional help again you can speak to your GP. You can get free sessions on a mental health plan. I did this previously as I needed help but couldn't afford it at the time.

For me I am in my own head too much so I try to do things that keep me busy or clear my head. For example listening to music, going for a long walk or watching a good TV show. I am yet to try meditation but its meant to be really good. I'm really into music so concerts really help me too.

Also just remember to never feel guilty for putting yourself first.