I need to talk to someone who actually understands

[Guest_357]

Just for clarification, I am a 15 y/o girl. I have had anxiety all through life but it’s never been a massive thing for me. Sometimes I would think about something that worries me but I’d distract myself and it would be okay.

im uncomfortable saying what my anxiety is about as thinking about it really scares me. All I will say is that it’s not something I can control and I will be triggered really easily. I’ve seen my school counsellor and she’s helped me but it’s hard still. I’ve been having panic artacks so I’m allowed to leave class whenever I feel worried.

My mum doesn’t understand it and gets really mad at me. She thinks I can control it and stop my panic attacks easily. It of course, is not the case. She makes me go to school and I really hate it. I cry nearly every class because I get so worried. Even though I know my thoughts are a bit irrational I can’t srop thinking them.

My my whole life I’ve also done this thtung where if I’m nervous I pick at my skin. It’s really hard to not do it even though i know it’s probably not good for me. my sisters don’t understand why I can’t tell them and get angry at me for it. Honestly? I feel like a mess.

Dont feel as if you should have to go out of your way to reply but it would be very much appreciated.

*Please excuse spelling mistakes I’m typing quite fast to get this all out.

[startingnew]

Hello and welcome to BB

Things are sounding really tough for you, im sorry your mum isnt understanding or maybe she doesnt know what to do herself. Do you think you could write a letter to her and explain just how bad things are and give it to her to read so she can process things too?

I have anxiety and panic attacks too. they arent very easy to deal with at all and an unsupportive family. so Im glad your school counsellor helps. you said your not comfortable in saying whats causing your anxiety (which is fine) but does your school counsellor know? If they dont know the cause of your anxiety it can be really hard for them to help you properly. Your counsellor (with your permission) can talk to your mum about your anxiety and how its affecting you and how your mum could help

Also if its something associated with your school, then maybe you could change schools or at least let your mum know whats happenin there so shes aware?

Besides BB, i think Reachout would be helpful for you. they have quite a few articles that you could a read over about anxiety, familys and info about supports etc (i think they have a forum too) and also Kidshelpline and Headspace. kidshelpline has the option of chat or phone call and are able to get weekly sessions with the same counsellor. Headspace also has webchat, phone and emails. im not sure if they do weekly sessions though..

But worth having a look at these sites for sure.

With skin picking, that is a nervous habit (i do it to sometimes) and it is such a hard thing to break. I try to do lots of distracting things that keep my mind and hands busy like a puzzle, playdough, clay or i start painting. you might have other ideas though. This is a topic id have a chat to your counsellor with as well or contact one of the helplines i suggested as they could help you more too. theres a thread here called the " friends cafe- for under 25" that your welcome to join in with and also a thread called COPING STRATEGIES that might help you with some more strategies to help with anxiety, worries, nervous habits and panic attacks.

[PamelaR]

HI Tricia and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Anxiety is the pits isn’t it? I have PTSD, anxiety and depression for 50 years or more. The PTSD triggers my anxiety and it takes me for every to calm down. So I understand how you feel. It isn’t just a matter of ‘calming’ and ‘stopping’. Is it? When someone says that to you it makes it even worse hey?

When I am triggered, I sometimes am not aware of it for a day or two. In part this is because this has been my behaviour for such a long time. It was never diagnosed as ‘anxiety / panic’ until about 8 years ago. I’d just thought it normal that my heart raced, I perspired a lot, my throat would close over etc, etc. This had been reinforced by a doctor I saw who told me I had excess adrenaline - and to go for a run to get rid of it.

For me, the panic can last for weeks. I must say though, I’ve had some success with reducing that time since seeing a new psychologist. He’s helped tremendously.

The hardest part for me has been identifying what has triggered me. Until I can do this, there is no hope of settling myself down - I use all the breathing, grounding, mindfulness and while it helps with some symptoms, it doesn’t help with what caused the trigger.

Have you thought about going to a psychologist (not just your school counsellor)? Your gp can do a small test and if it fits the criteria, they can do a mental health plan for you. This means 10 bulk billed visits to a psych that does bulk billing, or you’re parents would have to pay the difference if you went to one that didn’t bulk bill.

Just letting you know you’re not alone. I understand what’s happening when you have a panic attack. Controlling panic is not simple. It requires a lot of work to identify the triggers, the cause and then to change the thinking around core beliefs about yourself that sets off the panic.

Keep reaching out here, if and when you want to Tricia. No pressure for you to do so.

* - Didn't notice any spelling mistakes 🙂
Kind regards
PamelaR

[Guest_357]

Thanks, this advice is great! My counsellor does know and my mum knows the main details.

its really good to have someone to understand what I’m going through, it makes me feel a lot less alone.

my mums going on holiday today but I plan on talking to her about it thoroughly when she comes home.

once again, thanks so much for the advice xx

[Guest_357]

Thank you very much for this 🙂 yeah anxiety sure does suck. It is really hard to stop and it’s good to know other people struggle with it. I am aware of what triggers it but I’m not able to stop these things in daily life. I find it hard to stop worrying, especially with stuff I can’t really change. Much like you, my panic lasts for a long time Ive tried to get my mum to take me to a physchologjst and she’s deeply considering it.

thank you for making me feel less in-the-dark, I appreciate this so much xx

[PamelaR]

Lovely to see you back Guest _357

So pleased to hear you are feeling less in-the-dark.

Hope your mum takes you to the doctors to get a referral to psych. Sending you good thoughts.

Triggers are always going to be there. It's learning how to not fear them that's tricky. Took me ages to realise that part of my panic attacks comes from the fear of fear. If that makes sense - that is, to not fear the panic. Ultimately it can't hurt you, it's just your body warning you that it thinks it's in danger.

So what I do when I pick up this message is to say - thank you body for letting me know that it thinks i'm in danger (acknowledging your body's response). Then I say - It's okay, there is no danger here at the moment. (accepting my body's response)

This doesn't stop my panic attacks completely, however, it does help to reduce the severity of them. It also gets me to recognise it's happening and that I need to look at what's triggered me.

If you know what's triggered you, then in some ways you're half way there. I know you don't want to talk about it. That's okay. My thoughts are though, our panic comes from our self doubts, our self worth and our self esteem. Part of my task is to change these views about myself to help me reduce my anxiety. It works a little. It's an ongoing process for me. Not sure if any of this helps you Guest.

Kind regards PamelaR

[Morgan241191]

Hey there.

I may not understand everything you’re going through, but I can say I also have anxiety and I know how hard it get be to just go through everyday life. It feels like a constant headache.

If you’ve talked to your mother multiple times and nothing seems to work with her, maybe try talking to another trusted person in your life, such as your father or a grandparent. Try to explain to them that anxiety is a real mental illness that can’t be helped. Even simply talking to a friend can help, especially if they’re going through similar things.

As for the skin-picking, the next time you feel the urge to do that, try doing something else, like drawing or writing. Have you spoken to your school counsellor about that particular issue? Perhaps that will help.

[Guest_357]

Hi Morgan

thanks for the advice. I’m not very close to my grandparents and I only see my father a few times a year because he lives far away.

My counsellor knows that I do the skin picking thing but I don’t think she really understands it 😕

I do try drawing and reading instead but it doesn’t really have the same release effect...

[smallwolf]

Guest_357,

I noticed your reference drawing etc. as an alternative to picking at your skin. Trying to find the right alternative cn be hard. And then, sometimes techniques you are used to... fail. Have you tried touch toys or fiddle toys? If that does not work, look for other alternatives such as peeling a orange, or bubble wrap. A search on google will give you other alternatives.

As with most things (?) it is about knowing or identifying your triggers, and you see yourself getting into a state where you might start skin picking, is to engage one of your distraction tools. For example, some emails will cause my chest to tighten, and/or lump in throat, and/or quickening or loss of breath. As soon as I recognise any of these symptoms I will step away from my computer for a while, until I get back to "normal".

hope that helps.

Tim

Tim

[startingnew]

your welcome and im glad your mum knows too. some counsellors arent aware of the full extent of skin picking etc until you spend a session foccussed on that topic. maybe next session you could ask to focus on that and what might be causing it. if you understand whats causing it its most helpful in finding ways to supress the urge for example if you notice you start doing it because you feel anxious then some calming exercises might be helpful , or if you start to have thoughts like feeling worthless then you can find an activity that makes you feel more worthy.. does that make sense? Smallwolf and Pam have talked about triggers to which links in well with what im trying to say.

try to hold some ice cubes in your hand, or slap an elastic band around your wrist. the 'shock' to the system can help suppress the urges, oh and sucking on a lemon too might help. fidget spinners, playdough, or a stressball might work well.