Hi Aubergine
I think there are times where we can look in the mirror and face a kind of conflict that feels mental and even soulful in a way. A lot of questioning can come with seeing what doesn't seem to reflect the truth of who we are, deep down. I hope I lead you to smile when I say that when I look in the mirror lately, I don't see a 54yo grey haired woman, I see a colourful person with lilac and pink hair who knows that self understanding and self development are life long commitments and challenges.
To look in the mirror and say 'I am someone who is always going to be graduating through life' entails acknowledging your true nature, as someone who is designed to evolve. To look at yourself and say 'You are going to need guides to help you through certain periods of graduation, especially when being tested tremendously in so many ways' is about telling yourself the truth. And to say 'You are not who you imagine yourself to be or believe yourself to be' is about reminding yourself of a revelation that dictates who you are today will be so far removed from who you are in 5 years time that it will amaze you, excite you and offer you relief. 'How do I get from here to there?' becomes the question. One step at a time. The truth never comes all at once, it comes in steps, points of significant graduation or mile stones. If we were to wake up to the complete truth of who we are, all at once, it would blow our mind. So, best that it happens bit by bit.
I was never much of a keen super switched on academic. My 19yo son would say the same thing about himself. He struggled terribly in year 12 and didn't get anywhere near the ATAR he needed, in order to study marine biology (a dream of his since the age of 4). So, while he is a super switched on visionary with an imagination that is literally stunning, to be a seer who suddenly can't see the way forward means he'd be able to relate to some of what you struggle with. A lack of vision at periods of time in our life can be incredibly challenging. Finding someone who can see for us, while lighting and leading the way, is an absolute must at times.
While your friends may appear to have great academic intelligence, I imagine what they may not have (at your level) is an enormous amount of natural intelligence. Natural intelligence doesn't see to be valued anywhere near as much as academic intelligence, in this day and age. Natural intelligence comes with a heck of a lot of incredible natural abilities. Just to name some
- The ability to question and wonder vs taking things at face value without question
- The ability to feel or sense the nature of a person or situation. This can also be known as having a strong sense of intuition
- The ability to self question ('Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? Why do I suffer so much?'). Self questioning leads to breakthroughs and personal evolution. On the other hand, you can have people who rarely ever question themselves who actually really need to, on so many levels
- The ability to feel or sense the emotions of those around you, which can become challenging and exhausting at times
I could go on but we'd be here all day.
I think, sometimes, one of the greatest struggles for those with a high level of natural intelligence can involve 1)a struggle to make sense of a lot of really contrived or made up stuff in school and 2)an inability to maintain focus on learning that kind of stuff. When I say contrived, consider how Pythagoras reached all his sums, calculations and conclusions. It possibly all came to him naturally at a savant level. So, technically, everyone who's currently studying his theories and calculations are trying to make sense of what is easily made sense of at savant levels. How many of us fit into the category of savant when it comes to any form of math? No wonder it such massive or even impossible achievement for some.
