Independence help needed!

mel22 · ‎29-09-2015

Hi guys!

I've been in a relationship for 2 years now, but instead of the healthy balanced relationship it used to be I believe it has become quite toxic. I definitely think I am the issue. I used to be independent, happy and worry free, but now I've turned clingy, demanding and lonely. I know the feelings are still extremely strong and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but a few months after we started going out he stopped trying to hang out with me and started taking me for granted. I confront him about it and he tells me he is sorry and he will try and be better, but it happens continually. I was good friends with his friends as well and after we got together they pretty much acted like we barely had that friendship and it began to make me feel really insecure and bad about myself. Anyway these feelings of insecurity, the stress from my weaning motivation at school and the scares from my families health has led to me being in and out of depression and anxiety symptoms for quite awhile.

I'd love some strong advice on how I can stop being so dependent because i truly believe this is the first step in helping myself become happier, more confident and more focused. Thank you!!

emrose96 · ‎29-09-2015

Hi Mel,

I think I'm in a much milder version of your situation. I believe I'm the problem in the relationship, feeling easily threatened by other women, feeling neglected even though I'm not, extremely clingy. He is prefect but I am just a bit chaotic in my mind. I'm not a religious person, and I find I've very open to other beliefs, but something that has been helping me over the past year is meditation. Building on that, I have just started learning about Buddhism, because I think the beliefs and values are so relevant to me in becoming more independent and recognizing and getting to know my own mind. Like I said I'm not a religious person at all, and I am not learning about Buddhism so I can become a Buddhist, however I think the religion can teach us a lot about ourselves. If you are interested, I'm reading a book called The Essence of Buddhism by Traleg Kyabgon, and I strongly believe it will help me become more independent and happy in my relationship.

The only other things I have found to help is having a passion outside of your relationship like work, study, or volunteering. Also good family and friends.

Hope this helps

_NaturalTalent_ · ‎30-09-2015

Hi Mel,

Distraction... You need, Distraction...

Easier said than done I know, but every corner you turn you need to find a distraction even if its a 5 minute one. Get some games on your phone or something, they only last 5 10 minutes lol.

Point is, the more you distract yourself, the easier it becomes to distract yourself. If your feeling taken for granted, pull back a little bit. again I know its hard but as people have told me, if you keep running to them where does that leave them to go, you need to pull back and let them come to you.

You need to make some new friends of your own too. even if its online, or on a console. Get out and do some things on your own, go for a drive if you have your licence.

Look into "Creative/Expressive Therapy" too. Its something you can do alone with many options to choose from.

If you want to talk more about anything come back and chat. But give that stuff a go and see what else you come up with as you go.

NT

mel22 · ‎02-10-2015

Thank you so much! It felt so good to know that someone else understands me and I went down to the op shop and got a book about destructive emotions by the Dalai Lama. I'm feeling quite more composed now. thank you again for your help!