Hey Gothamfan,
Thank you so much for your vulnerable and honest update, I'm really sorry to hear that this experience continues to impact you immensely. Firstly, I want to say that Im proud of you for realising that the way people treat you is not a reflection of who you are. Unfortunately, there are some people that will realise that you are willing to do whatever it takes to keep your relationship with them going. These people almost test the limits and get super comfortable with the idea that you will always be there for them, no matter how little effort they put in or how they treat you. It's a horrible feeling.
I think acknowledging that you have a fear of abandonment/trust issues is a great first step. We often carry and use our past experiences to make sense of the world around us. There are times that these experiences also sabotage us in ways that we might not realise or cause us to neglect our own feelings and needs to sustain relationships. Do you think it might be worthwhile talking to a mental health professional about ways in which you can work through these fears? Often, it might involve learning new strategies for comforting ourselves when we feel this way or learning to challenge our negative beliefs, separating limiting thoughts from fact.
Either way, I think it's important to work on the relationship that you have with yourself. Have you found yourself neglecting the past activities and hobbies that you used to enjoy doing? Do you think getting your feelings out through journalling would be helpful?
I just really want you to know that you have my support and I really encourage you to continue sharing your thoughts and feelings on here. I truly wish you all the best and hope you can find peace soon 🌻
