I'm worried that I'm doing the wrong thing entirely

[Liam007]

For the last week I've been having negative emotions and having worries, and in the last week I feel like I've gone overboard in expressing it. So far I have:

• Used the Beyondblue chat at least four times
• Created 5 threads on the forum, including this one
• Booked an appointment to see a youth counselor.
• Seen my school counselor 3 times
• Signed up for a another forum and used the online chat service there

I feel like I'm going overboard in trying to deal with the whole thing. I'm anxious, feeling like I'm handling the whole situation wrong, like I'm doing to much, but I find I do it because I need to keep myself calm and relaxed as I'm on a long waiting list to see a youth counselor. I also think I use this forum a little too much, I check it more than I check my FaceBook now. Am I going overboard with trying to get to the bottom of this? Is there anything I should do to ease up? Is it okay if I use the online chat when I feel more sad, lonely and anxious than usual? Anything I should tell myself to control this? This has been going on for a while I feel slightly nervous even writing this post.

I just want to state that I'm NOT consideringself harm or anything like that.Thanks,Liam

[NicoleP]

Hi Liam

Just checking in to see how you are going

Kezza

[Liam007]

Hi Kezzaa,

I'm sad to report that I feel things have gotten worse.

I'm consistently upset, I just view myself as a terrible human being. I don't want to speak up at school because I feel people think I'm a stupid moron and wish I would just go away, I feel like trying to impress people is pointless as they just don't care about me or what I do. I just feel like I have no clue what I'm doing, I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

I can't view myself as a success, I pretty much feel invisible. I start to accept negative criticism and even tell myself negative things.

 I feel worthless and unimportant

I'm NOT considering hurting myself or taking my own life. I'm just EXTREMELY upset.

I'm awfully sorry that I responded with that, but I seriously feel terrible. I'm still hoping to see a doctor or psychologist about this real soon. I'll keep talking to you though. I could not be more grateful for you taking the time to talk to me, it means an awful lot to me. Thank you so much. Liam

Liam

[NicoleP]

Hi Liam

i am thrilled to hear from you but am sad to hear that you are having a tough time at the moment. Do remember that the phone lines are open 24 hours and that the counsellors there are fantastic. Have you been to see your GP yet? What kind of support are you getting? I think I read that you had been seeing a counsellor at school. Is that the case and how is that working out for you? You seem to be really keen to see a psychologist, has anything been organised?

i am pleased that you answered so honestly, so don't feel guilty for doing that. I wish I could make things better for you. I want you to know that you are important and that you are not a terrible human being. Like me, you judge yourself by what you think other people think of you. It sounds to me as though you are a very caring, considerate and sensitive person. Would you agree?  

I am concerned that you are seeing yourself in such a negative way and I do think that it is important that you see someone so that you can see the wonderful Liam that you are hiding away at the moment. Everyone is unique, everyone is important and everyone is special and that includes you. Sometimes though  we can't see that and we have to hit a rough patch in our lives to learn to love, accept and care for ourself .

take care

Kezza

[Liam007]

Hi again Kezzaa

Have you been to see your GP yet?

It's all unfortunately a waiting game at the moment. I've tried the eheadspace chat but they keep telling me "no one is available" despite a message saying "A worker is ready to talk with you". It makes me wonder, am I annoying them? and that just leads to trouble.

I think I read that you had been seeing a counsellor at school. Is that the case and how is that working out for you?

It's okay. I find that I'm a pain in the butt. She asked me to list 5 positives about myself and I couldn't name anything.

It sounds to me as though you are a very caring, considerate and sensitive person. Would you agree?

I just don't want people to be mad at me and hate me. I felt awful after a kid told me to "neck myself". I want to be someone that if a person needs help, they will feel comfortable asking me. I've asked a lot of favors but never feel like I've done anything for anyone else.

I should be getting some help real soon, don't worry. I'll hang in there.

Liam

[dougall]

Hi Liam life is full of opportunities and you will get a chance to help others because of what you are going through and feeling, you are helping others now by telling your story.

[NicoleP]

HI Liam

I just wrote a long reply and it disappeared - so I am going to try again. I am going to put it down to a lack of sleep. I helped out at a running event today and left home at 2am - Great day though. I am also heading to Melbourne in a little while for a few days for a conference. I probably wont be able to post while I am away. I find that I can read posts on my phone but have no success with writing posts.

I do think that you need to go to your GP. Will your parents take you? if eheadspace is not working, you can try mindspot and remember the BB phone line and online chat. They are great and you won't be annoying them. They do that kind of work because they care. They don't expect to cure you in one call/session.

I am sure that you have lots of positives. Unfortunately you are seeing yourself at the moment in such a negative way that you cannot see any positives. I think that many of us on this sight are like that. I am a teacher and have an excellent reputation with past parents and students and have had huge successes with really difficult students. And yet, if I was asked in an interview what is good about me as a teacher, I would struggle to tell them.

I am very sad to read about what another student said to you. It is not acceptable on any level. Have you reported it? I have just been chatting to White Knight about this very thing and we both agree that people that bully and control people have their own mental health issues. You can search for his post "And what's their mental illness'

Dougall's words were very beautiful and true. Life is full of opportunities and I am proud of the way you are taking this opportunity to learn about yourself and develop as a person.

Take Care

KezzaA

[Liam007]

Thanks Kezzaa

My dad is going to give a GP a call tomorrow, will keep you posted.

That kid whole told me to neck myself is facing several N awards and most likely won't sit his HSC, so best not to worry about him.

 Thanks, again. Hope Melbourne goes okay, do post when you get back so I can fill you in again, whether it's gotten worse, better or stayed the same I'll tell you 🙂

Thanks, Liam

[Liam007]

Hi Dougall, sorry for the late reply.

I understand that timing is everything, however I feel like everyone around me at my school has already done that, they know their place and have pretty much become legends. The teachers, other students and community praise them, they get photos taken, awards given at assemblies and all that..

I've never done anything like that, as a result it makes me feel inadequate. I actually had someone tell me "Thinking like that once in a while is actually a little healthy, it means your not to arrogant about yourself and don't view yourself as flawless, you are carefully considering your abilities" Is that actually true? Is this really considered Healthy thinking? or am I just trying to much at once? He may have not meant it like that. It just puzzled me. Is viewing yourself as flawless arrogant? Even though I only see myself as negative now I would never say
" I am perfect!, there's nothing wrong with me at all!"

 Liam

[AliciaK]

Hi Liam

I have been reading your other posts and have decided to give you some of things I did when I was going through similar problems to you. I am 21 and had a lot of problems with the same sorts of thoughts you did, as well as depression and anxiety and bullying in year 12 (and after). Your story really resonates with me, and I understand some of how you are feeling.

Some of the things I did to help were: go for walks and think about things like the sky, or the grass or how many trees there were around me. I found that getting myself out of the house and keeping active really helped to make myself feel better. I also picked up a hobby (for me it was guitar playing and reading). I also called Kids Helpline when I was feeling down, or BB to just chat with a counsellor. I found that doing this things, in the beginning, helped to make me feel better about everything. Eventually I joined a youth led group.

There are probably people reading your posts, like me, and are thinking "Wow, he's in the same situation I am and he's asking for help, I'm going to keep checking this post and see what everyone is saying" so the fact that you came out and have talked about how you are feeling  is probably helping more people than you realize.

I personally had this problem where I focused so much on other people and how they felt about me and eventually, I stopped doing anything for myself, and I realised how much I neglected myself. That's when I learnt that I need to look after myself and do things that make me happy and not worry so much about how they think and feel about me, as ultimately it brought me down more.

I also had the same thing you were talking about earlier in this post where there was a time where (and I probably still would) have trouble naming 3 positive things about me. When I tried to answer that question, I personally was answering in the sense of how other people saw me. I then realised that I should answer it in the way I really was, not how I saw myself or how other people saw me, in other words, answer realistically.

You said

Liam C said: I just don't want people to be mad at me and hate me... I want to be someone that if a person needs help, they will feel comfortable asking me.

To me, it sounds like you are extremely kind and nice person. To have feelings and thoughts like that shows me, and probably others, that you care about people you are friends with, and are loyal

Hope this has helped a bit

Alicia

[AGrace]

Hi Liam,

Just wanted to say that I'm glad your dad has organised a GP appointment for you. It sounds as though your parents really care about you. Hopefully the GP will steer you in the right direction to get some extra support.

A lot of mental illness stems from low self worth and self esteem. Fortunately with the right help you can rebuild these two things. I found it a bit odd that your counsellor had already jumped to the idea of getting you to right some positive things about yourself. Going back a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to do this either. It takes time but it is possible.

So you like acting and sculpting. You must be a really creative person, which is a wonderful quality to have. Are you studying drama at school? It became one of my favourite subjects.

Will you let us know how you get on with the Dr?

Also I wanted to say, one of the symptoms of Anxiety and Depression can be to overanalyse things, this might be why you are wondering whether you are doing too much. I say, utilise every bit of help and support that is available to you.

AGrace