I have so many things wrong with me

[Dawwgs]

18 Male. I've gone through a lot of things in my teenage life and though I always knew that there were a lot of things wrong with me, I never realised the sheer amount until I decided to list it all down. You may not read all of it but I want to know if any of you go through any of this and I'd like to hear about your experiences.

Self loathing
Depression
Anxiety
No self confidence
No people skills
Awkward
Lazy
Game addiction
Phone addiction
Easily distracted
Overthink things
No real close friend
Think too much about what others think of me
No sense of independence
Social anxiety
No communication skills
No street smarts

Unmotivated
Too easily driven by emotions
Naive childish way of thinking things
Think TOO positively and naively. I try to avoid facing reality which leads me to face the consequences
Boring
Uninteresting
Can’t make small talk
Keep things to myself
Always try to look for an easy way out
Take too long to process what people are saying
Not book smart
Too quiet
Think too much about the future
No real passion
Nothing drives me to pursue my goal
Useless at most tasks
See no purpose in life
Can’t keep up with conversations
always follow the crowd. Never try to lead it
Try hard to blend in with crowd
Not many people have similar interests with me
Never have anything interesting to say in a conversation
Unfit (I sometimes go out to ride my bike, walk the treadmill and some other exercises but never on a regular basis. I do these things because it makes me feel like I'm not a useless human being who lazes around all day but it's only a temporary solution.)
Almost never go out
Always live the same day everyday

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Dawwgs,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us.

That's quite a list! I'm imagining that must have been a really difficult time sitting there and writing all of those things - trying to tally up what is wrong with you.

I can absolutely relate to your experiences. I know many of us here can - I have no doubt that we could all make a really long list of what's wrong with us too - (we'd probably hit the character limit haha).

Why was it important for you to make a list of all the things that were wrong?

The idea of things being wrong with you kind of implies to me that you're a bit faulty - but I don't see it that way at all. I think pretty much all of what you've written down can be temporary - nothing here is set in stone or has to define who you are.

I have no doubt in my mind that if I got to know you I could make a list of all the things that was right about you too. Maybe the very first one I'd write down could be courage - just for coming here and sharing this all with us.

rt

[WanderingAround]

Hey, Dawwgs

Let me share something. I hated growing up. I'm way past my 18s by a few decades. I hated being a kid, I hated being a teenager and I hated being a young adult. I came to terms with myself now, but it was not easy. And I frankly... mostly roll with the punches these days. Yet, I try to make the best with what I have. It is not a skill easily learnt. It takes your entire life.

Back then I felt myself lost, I angered fast, I couldn't forgive myself. I hated people around me for reasons that today are so silly and petty. I couldn't understand people's motivations. I struggled finding value in work or study, as it felt empty and meaningless.

It is extremely hard.

But you can do it, I can do it, you can do it too. You take one day at a time, you simply don't give up. Never. You fail, you try again, a different way. You find ways, you make your own game. Pick a long term goal, break it, find a starting point and go for it. You may fail, you try again. You never give up. At one point, I guess, it becomes a bit easier, and things will be a bit less uncertain.

Write a journal, or come here and share your thoughts. Maybe you will never touch your journal again, maybe you will write in it every now and then, but try, if you don't have one. It helped me a lot in these horrible days I had growing up, being hated and hating as well. Unable to understand why the world makes no sense.

One last thing, I understand you don't like reading, so I'd recommend looking up a Youtube clip from Tom Bilyeu on "How to Make Yourself Immune To Pain"

It's about David Goggins, he gave an interview about his life on Impact Theory. He was bullied to no end. Had no idea what to do with his life. I only watched this video a few weeks ago, I wish I had seen it when I was younger (technically impossible).

I hope this helps. It is not easy coming out and putting these words here. It takes a lot of guts to open yourself like this. That's great.

[Dawwgs]

I thought writing a list down would give me some sense clarity since it would let me see how one problem developed into another. I thought that it would also give me a better understanding of how I perceive myself and subsequently how others potentially saw me.

[hellohi]

Hi, I can relate to your list too, but I'm 14.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself each moment of my life. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t, I feel so out of place, or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity.

I don't have any close friends and everyone I talk to seems to hate me because I am so useless, stupid and don't know how to keep a conversation going. They just ask me for answers and then leave, following those "leaders" who can be rude at times but because they are good-looking, they swear and talk a lot and don't care about future, everyone respects them, including teachers.

Some days I spend time thinking about what I'm going to do in future. I don't really know. I kind of want to become a teacher, but my parents don't believe in me, as I don't have good communication skills.

This happens each day of my life, wounds me bit by bit. I always stay home and have no one to talk to.

[zguenzl]

Hi Dawwgs,

That's definitely a good idea.

I find writing a list with one column saying what I think to be true and another saying what is more likely to be true e.g. People will think what I have to say isn't interesting vs. what I have to say is valuable to those I care about like my family

I hope this helps a bit.

All the best,

Zoe

[cluelesscloud]

Hey Dawwgs,

I'm 17 and a female who can totally relate to you.

These 'issues' that you find yourself dealing with is what I feel sometimes too! It gets especially easy to write down these issues like you have on days that I don't feel that great.

What I usually do though is write down a list like you have but also write down ways that I can help the issue I have or ways that I can challenge myself to overcome it.

For example, if I have insecurities (like maybe thinking my friends aren't really my friends), I write down that I could possibly talk to one of my friends about it to feel better.

I think by doing this, it helps me feel in control of the situation and makes me feel that I can change something, even if it isn't that effective.

Anyway, I hope this post helped and made you feel a bit better, I did notice that you said that you have 'no real close friend' and I don't mind making a new friend.

Hope you're doing okay too!

Clueless Cloud

[therising]

Hi Dawwgs

If there was a greater character allowance than 2500, I'd love to respond to every one of your points, in the hope of giving you a different perspective in regard to what you're observing about yourself. I'll just grab a handful of points

• No self confidence. Has anyone ever provided you with the opportunity to gain confidence in a skillful way. If you still found it difficult to gain confidence, you could see this as a fault in others, that it was not taught well enough to you
• Naive childish way of thinking things. Wondering if you think simply. There is serious skill in simplifying. I still can't figure out why so many people have to complicate simple things. Does my head in sometimes
• Overthink things. Wondering if you have an analytical mind at times. Actually, I wonder whether you spend a lot of time wondering. Do you feel compelled to find answers or solutions in regard to what's questionable?
• Game and phone addiction. Do you find life pretty boring without these things, which I assume are naturally exciting for you, until they're not? Does anyone lead you to find what would be truly exciting for you in life?
• No real passion/See no purpose in life. Has anyone ever led you to anything of great passion? Has anyone ever led you to discover your purpose? Do you think your current purpose, for now, could be to figure out who you naturally are?
• Can't make small talk. Personally, I find small talk incredibly uncomfortable at times. It just doesn't feel natural. Can feel so forced. Mind you, I can have long amusing conversations with amusing people about absolute nonsense but it's about the laughter more than anything else. Actually had a conversation with my 14yo son just before about how we'd survive an imagined zombie apocalypse and the amount of factors involved which would change the nature of things, such as if they were slow moving zombies or running ones 🙂 Yes, we're an insane bunch at times in my household
• Too quiet. How many folk do you know who have the skill to bring out the best in you? How many people do you know who'd be willing to have a conversation about a zombie apocalypse, if that's what would get you talking?

You could easily perceive the list as being full of your faults but have you ever perceived it as a list of faults in others, that influence you in certain ways?

At the top of your list is self loathing. What if you discovered your natural self, would you still feel self loathing?

🙂