I have OCD and depression and my family dont care/understand.

[kirbyGirl]

Im 19 years old and from the age of 13 ive had severe depression, anxiety. This was because of the things I've gone through since a small child, specifically, having an abusive and manipulative father who still on occasion will harass and scare us. I've been dealing with these things for most of my life, alone with the help of my religion, with no help or understanding from any of my family (my non immediate family are not in australia) and recently i found I have OCD, more specifically I wash my hands compulsively, and cannot sleep till my bed and body is clean, if i touch something by accident, i need to wash it again, and if i dont or cant i will freak out, pace back and forth and breathe heavy. I realize this is something i need to work on, but I am a student and cannot afford therapy so I'm trying to deal with it myself. However my family (mother and sister) make it so much worse. We share a small house, and because of how small it is everyone can hear everything and if one light is one everyone knows. Ontop of this the bathroom is right next to my mother's room. We have daily fights about this, and they will talk badly behind my back and my sister will insult, roll her eyes and bump into me "accidently" after a night of me handwashing. I've tried to explain to them i cant help it and I don't mean to keep them awake but i literally cannot help. But they just tell me im selfish and incosiderate and i should just "stop". Its gotten to the point where when I AM washing my hands and trying to focus on not going on and on, the level of anxiety in me makes me feel as if I cant breathe and I often cry and tell myself I want to die.

My family also dont respect when I ask them not to touch things or put things on my bed, they just roll their eyes, ignore me, tell me it isnt a big deal or more specifically my mom will say its too bad its her house.

Apart from this, ive spent my whole life copping it left and right from my family. On one side my father abused and manipulated me, and treated me like I was the stupid child with issues ( he said this to my mother on multiple occasions when i was as young as 9) on the other side I have a mother continuously telling me what im doing wrong and how im like this and that. And then my sister who's just overall horrible towards me. Im at a loss at what to do and my mental state is extremely bad right now.

[Sophie_M]

Hi kirbyGirl,

We’re grateful that you’ve made your way to the Beyond Blue forums. It sounds like you’ve been keeping strong for many years while having to manage your mental wellbeing on your own. We recognise how isolating and overwhelmed you must be feeling, at the same time we’d like to acknowledge your resilience and how time and time again you’ve been able to push forward despite not having support from your family. Please know that you deserve to feel safe and heard by others – you’re not alone in this.

 As we care about your wellbeing, we’ve asked our Support Service to check-in with you to talk things through. We're here to support you as much as you need, and we’d urge you to continue to reach out for help. If you are in immediate danger, please call 000.

If you are not in immediate danger, you may also find ringing Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) to be helpful. They offer free phone counselling services 24/7 and you can even contact them via email or webchat through their website: https://kidshelpline.com.au/

We hope you can keep connected here and continue reaching out, whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Summer Rose]

Hi kirbyGirl

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story, as heartbreaking as it is. I am so sorry that you are ill and that you have endured so much pain in your family life. I am sending you a hug.

My daughter fell ill with OCD and anxiety at age 13 and I have supported her for the past nine years. I know and feel your pain.

Our family did not understand OCD or my daughter’s behaviour when she first fell ill either. It took time and professional support for us to become an effective support team for her.

I think it’s really important that you try to educate Mum about your condition. Could you invite Mum to attend a GP appointment with you? Could you sit together and read educational materials on the bb website? Is there a family friend, teacher or someone else you trust available to mediate a discussion between you and mum?

I also think you need to find a way to access treatment for your OCD and other mental health issues because it can get better with the right treatment. Perhaps you could explore more cost effective options in your local area by talking with your GP. For example, I found a mental health nurse in private practice to help me learn how to help my daughter and this wasn’t expensive and was covered by Medicare.

I know that right now you can’t stop washing your hands, etc. But I also know that you can learn how to manage this better and improve your condition.

Don’t give up, sweet girl. You can get through this. I will be here, along with many others, to talk with you and support you.

Post any time.

Kind thoughts to you

[Amanda2000]

Hi kirbyGirl,

I have a very similar situation. My handwashing has become so bad that I have developed hand eczema. Now with COVID, it's impossible to distinguish between the handwashing necessity and the OCD. Always doubting whether I have washed them properly.

Yes my upbringing involved scare-tactics from my parents. This has continued into my adulthood. It's like if I don't do things their way, something bad will happen.

Yes my family doesn't understand. I've found them to be insensitive at times and just told me to "fix it".

Many times I have considered seeking professional treatment but cannot seem to find someone that I'm comfortable with.

My contamination-fear OCD has developed into other anxiety issues with noise and people. I'm a big fan of social distancing, which is 2 x 1.5m for me haha!

[Summer Rose]

Hi Amanda

It was lovely to read your post and see the kind way you provided support to KirbyGirl.

I am so sorry that you too are struggling with OCD in an environment lacking compassion and understanding. Life can be so unfair at times!

Covid has been really tough for my daughter, too. The only word that fits is nightmarish. My heart goes out to you.

I understand how disappointing it is to struggle to find the right person to help. This happened to us, too. But we ploughed on and eventually found the right team.

I want to encourage you to keep trying. It’s important.

Kind thoughts to you

[geoff]

Hello KirbyGirl, Amanda and Summer Rose, as people who option read comments, would know that I also have OCD and had it for a long time and the reply about COVID-19 and having to wash your hands would not only enhance the reason why people have the urge to wash their hands and the complexity of why if you are suffering from OCD.

This may be a legitimate excuse why sufferers can wash their hands, but in reality, it's this illness that's creating this obsession.

It's impossible to just 'fix it' and the more you're told this the greater the obsessions/compulsions become.

Compulsions are repetitive behaviours or mental acts that people with OCD feel compelled to perform, and if they don't, the result can be overwhelming feelings of anxiety and fear.

Some people take absolute delight in behaving against exactly what we don't want them to do, to make us feel agitated, but remember they too have their favourite snacks, not that this is OCD, but may be the tim tams they idolise and eating the last one would frustrate them.

The movie As Good As It Gets portrays a funny, humourous side to OCD, however, what it doesn't show is the darker side of this illness and yes, I do thoroughly enjoy any movie Jack Nicholson is in and watching it, I was waiting for what else he does which wasn't shown.

I am really for those who have to suffer from this type of illness, other people don't and won't understand why we have to keep checking the door lock, to them it's not sensible.

Hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.

[Amanda2000]

Thank you Summer Rose & geoff. I'm interested in giving group-therapy a try. The idea of one-on-one treatment seems too intensive for me at the moment. Do you guys know of any group-therapy available? Like online Zoom meeting or something like that?

[Summer Rose]

Hi Amanda

Unfortunately, I am not aware of any online group therapy programs. But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

When I was looking for the right practitioner to treat my daughter I called the bb support line for help. They gave me great information, targeted to my local area and specific needs.

The number is 1300 22 4636. I encourage you to give them a call. Good luck!

Kind thoughts to you

[geoff]

Hello Amanda, if you can copy/paste this in your search browser 'group therapy for OCD Australia', then the site by 'www.sane.org - factsheets and guides'.

The ARCVIC OCD and Anxiety Helpline on 1300 269 438 can give advice and support, maybe what you're after.

I was typing in 'group therapy by using Zoom' and the above appeared.

We'd really love to know how you go.

Geoff.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Geoff

Thank you for going the extra mile to help Amanda. You put me to shame!

You are a great example of peer support and a wonderful kind teacher to everyone here.

Kind thoughts to you