I feel like I don't have control over myself anymore
Apologies if this post is a little on the longer side but I am really desperate for help and I feel like some context is needed.
I'm currently in Year 12 and I feel like my mental health has completely gone down the drain since starting Year 11. I'm not sure what switch flicked inside me that made me sort of destroy myself. I'm not really sure what to blame either. I have always been good in school, achieving good grades and feeling confident in my subjects. However, I really dropped the ball this year. My grades in Year 11 were A-/A but this year I have let both my maths subjects drop to C grades. I really don't know what's happening to me. I have somehow allowed myself to procrastinate to the point where I can barely pass my maths tests and hand in assignments way past their due dates. To show how bad it got, I have a maths exam tomorrow but I also have to hand in a maths assignment that I haven't even started ASAP or else I will get a 0 grade for it. I promised myself that if I took 2 weeks off school I would catch up and everything would be okay again. But some part of my brain wouldn't cooperate. Now I feel like I am trapped in my body, just mindlessly consuming YouTube/Instagram content or just succumbing to a certain vice to relieve stress in hopes of being able to get my work done after. Sorry if this is sort of a trauma dump but I really don't know how I can fix myself. Deep down I really have the motivation/anger to get out of this rut but I can't execute my plans for some reason. I am tired of failing to do things all the time. How can I change? I know I am perfectly capable of doing what I am supposed to but I just can't for some reason. Has anyone been in this position before? I have tried many times to fix my problems but I could only successfully do so for only a few days at a time before failing again. I also got sucked into the self improvement community for 2 years (mainly binge watching a YouTube guru called 'Hamza') in an attempt to fix myself, but I ended up being more confused than before. I just want to be disciplined like I used to and enjoy life rather than always being stressed about overdue stuff.
Anyone got any ideas to how I can fix myself and get out of this rut? I really feel alone in having this issue as all of my high school friends seem to not have this issue, always getting their work done on time and having fun.
Thanks for your time and I look forward to reading your replies. Thank you.
The word "rut" is an interesting one. To get out of a rut requires one thing commonly- hard work with persistence. There is no magic wand that can remedy the situation.
What can help a little is simplifying your lifestyle. Watching videos, sports and other distractions from school commitments are great- in small doses, you really need to know when its time to say "ok, 30 minutes is enough time away from homework". Homework etc is the priority. In fact, until you are on a satisfactory study routine there is no room for anything else- period.
This lesson is with many people in a community. If a person operating a Florist shop stopped presenting flowers in their window and played video games, their business would fail. It's logical. It's a trap!
So, can I say, if you turn this around dont expect results straight away. Your grades will improve out of sight in the medium term, not the short term. So you might have to be determined and when you slow down and know it, you need to add an hour here and there to get that persistence back again.
I wrote a piece, the link below, called "switching mindsets". What that means is when your brain is saying to you (while lying down or playing games) "I dont want to study"... you physically do the opposite in other words you stand up and go straight to your homework or studies and begin working. In that you are defying your mind of the lazy way out. Try it.
Once I bought a lotto ticket for $3. We were poor then with 2 babies. My old lady neighbour said "you could have bought some milk with that 3 dollars. You'll never get anywhere without hard work". She was right.