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I dont know
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Hi this is my first time posting so I don't really know what to write or how to put things into words but I'm trying. Just like with everything else in my life, I'm trying to stay afloat with everything that i have going on and I don't usually do this and reach out but lately it feels like I have no one. My grandma is terminally ill and my mum is also terminally ill and has a terminal injury that effects everything in her life. I just feel lost and numb. It feels as if the world is against me. My family is falling apart and it's breaking my heart, I want to fix it but I can't. My mind won't stop between depression, anxiety and the constant feeling of needing to be okay for everyone else. I'm only 23 and I know there are millions more people out there that have it worse than I do but I just dont know what to do anymore. As of lately I've been thinking what the world and my family would be like if I wasn't here anymore and anytime i try to speak to my family about it, they stop me then tell me their problems and it makes me feel as if my problems aren't bad enough to be validated. I just want to be heard and feel okay. Everything lately has been going wrong and it's like nothing will ever be right and I'm always told I dont do this or that right or I should do it this way or I shouldn't talk to family about my issues I need to talk to a professional when all I want is to talk to my family and have their support which I know some people dont even get that option of speaking to their family. I'm scared to call a mental health line because I don't want to bother anyone and my problems aren't nearly as bad as some. I can't be alone as of lately otherwise I get in my own head and I have a history of self harm and an ED but when I'm with people to not be alone I can't talk about my feelings or I can't be in physical or emotional pain because *your pain isnt that bad compared to others*. It's something that I always get told and I just dont know what to do anymore. Anytime I talk about something that's wrong my family tell me I need to go to a mental hospital instead of just listening to what I have to say. I feel like I have no one on my side and I'm in a dark room with no one in sight. I'm just really struggling and hoping that getting this out will help me and hopefully others that feel the same way to know that your not alone. I'm sorry that it's such a long story, it's the only time I've been able to express myself and I haven't even gone over half of what's going on in reality and in my head..
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Hello,
Welcome and thank you for having enough trust to reach out to us.
The first thing I want you to know is that I hear you.
You are not alone here and you will not be judged in this community. We don't look at a persons problems and measure them against someone else. If it is important to you, it is important to us.
You are still young and it absolutely makes sense that you would want someone to talk to when you are struggling to make sense of what is going on your life. You are going through some major life challenges at present that are not easy for anyone at any age, but the younger you are, the less life experience you have to draw from.
The second thing I want you know is that you are not a bother to anyone either here or on the helplines, whoever is telling you that your problems are not important enough are completely misguided, so please do not listen to that advice.
It is only natural that you would be feeling lost and numb with what you are trying to navigate with your mum and grandma. I am in my 60's and felt the same thing recently when I lost my 16 year old cat. I have been through many grieving periods for many people including 4 family members and it makes no difference if they pass quickly or slowly, the grieving begins when we discover that they are not going to get better.
We will be here to support you through whatever you need support with, but there is a waiting period on the forums for a reply. There is a helpline that I want you to put into your phone to call when you need to talk to someone in real time. I know that is not what you ideally want, but if you cannot connect with family and friends, it is the next best thing to help you through the worst times. This helpline will be able to support you through your ED and self harm.
Butterfly Foundation - available 7 days 8am-midnight - 1800 334 673
if you prefer to chat online, go to butterfly.org.au, you will see the option at the top of the page.
I have been dealing with depression since my early teens so I understand how hard it is to deal with. I was not diagnosed until I was in my 40s, so I would also recommend having a talk with your GP about how you are feeling at present, as it may be beneficial to speak with a counsellor whilst you are going through this difficult time.
Whenever you reply to this post, I will get a notification and I will respond as soon as I am able. You can talk about whatever you want and I will do my best to support you.
Take good care of yourself in the meantime,
indigo
