I dont know if I'm okay

J55555 · ‎22-08-2020

I've recently started a part time job. I'm in university studying engineering. Although I understand that having a part time job is important, i don't know how to balance my work and study. I want to work but at the same time it takes me alot of hardwork to understand what my lectures are talking about. I want to do my best and achieve the best of what I can. Although it's normal to be working part time and studying at the same time, i dont knwo if I can handle it. My manager is kind and understanding but always asks if I can work more. Every body at my work place is a uni student, but they all work alot. I don't want to dissapoint them, I don't know if I do what others do. I've thought about quiting if I can't handle it, but my mum is very against it. She says she understands, but I don't think she really does. She always compares me, telling me that I don't actually study. But I do study, i don't even have a social life anymore. I don't have friends in uni. And i feel like compared to most uni students, I've already sacrificed alot of things just to stay home to study. I barely go out with the few friends i have, and I've never been the rebellious teenager who sneaks iut to meet friends. I've always put studying first. But it feels like im5never doing enough. I feel like I'm nlt doing anywhere near what others are doing. My mum tells me that this is life, that i have to learn hoe to manage my time, but i don't know. I feel very emoty. I feel like I'm doing what i can. I don't know if the reason I'm crying is because i can't handle the stress, or if I just feel sad and empty. I dont know how to express this in words, but I don't feel right. Thank you for listening.

Sophie_M · ‎22-08-2020

Hey J55555,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're so sorry to hear that you've been feeling empty, and struggling to balance work and study. Please know that you're not alone in this, and many of our members will be able to relate to these feelings. These forums are a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to help support you through this.

If you'd like to talk these feelings through with a friendly counsellor, please know that you are always welcome to get in touch with our friends at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800. If you'd feel more comfortable talking online, they also offer 24/7 webchat at: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling/ We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope that you keep checking back in here on your thread to let us know how you are going when you feel up to it.

Jasjit · ‎22-08-2020

Hi J55555,

Welcome to BeyondBlue online forums and thanks for reaching out and sharing your story with us.

To be quite honest, I can strongly relate to your story! When I used to be in uni, I used to work at many places from fast food to supermarkets, etc. But my studies were being compromised, my grades started dropping and I started losing confidence in myself. Even worse, I could not tell my papa and mama because I felt that I would be a loser who can't manage his time! So I stayed quiet for the whole time and as a result, I could not do my psychology honors because of my GPA.

But from then on I clearly understood one thing, if I want to become a Dr. Clinical Psychologist in future - it is a long study, you need high grades and on top, you are a full-time student (you must be devoting 40 hours of study every week - I understood this when I did not get into my Honors program!! Lol!!). But anyway, apart from jokes it is not about managing time at all!! It is about what you want to do and whether can you do it realistically? That is what time management is!!

Tell me about what do you want to do in engineering? Do you want to pursue further? Or you could make it extremely clear to your manager about your working hours? Maybe with your parents - they genuinely don't kow the pressure and the amount to work required to study nowdays at uni - like tons and tons of readings/assessments etc. You might want to show them that.

Lastly, in terms of social life - you must have this clarity whether you can afford some time off. Once a week is fine but maybe daily is not, not at the cost of your studies at least if your want to pursue engineering further?

Tell me more about your daily and weekly routine because I would love to help you out!

Talk to you soon.

smallwolf · ‎22-08-2020

hi and welcome to beyond blue.

from your post it sounds like your lie at the moment is comprised only of work and study. So it sounds like you have little room for fun activities including walking. Or if you feel that you are constantly grinding between work and study then perhaps little room for celebrating whatever wins you have.

And while it might not seem like it the fact that you are trying to earn a living and study at the same time is a credit to you. I guess the trick for you might be working out how to structure your week so that you can fit in everything you need to do and perhaps have a little time to yourself. Would that sound about right?

Now... if you are at Uni then perhaps you could have a chat with people from student services about your options and finding a way forward. If you are doing a full time load at Uni then is there a possibility of doing one less subject each semester. But I do not know about the any agreements between Uni and your workplace - are they related? Tell me about the sort of work you do?

What year are you in at Uni?

Things have changed a lot over the years with work, Uni and trying the balance these and get the most of the time we have. So it might be a little hard for your mum to see/feel how you are coping or not. Who does your mum compare you to?

Btw - I have and am working full time and studying part time and would not say it was easy. Remember you are only human and doing the best you can.

Tim