I don't know anymore

teacla · ‎17-08-2015

So for the past year I have become heavily involved in school. Last year was a bad year for me with my grades and I just wasn't happy with them, so this year I decided to step up my game and do better, which has been working because I nearly got A's in all of my subjects except for one, which I got a B in. Except lately I just feel like I can't deal with it anymore. I become stressed so easily and every time I sit down to do a test or assignment I just think to myself how I'm going to fail it and that I'm not good enough for anything and I just have this fight with my brain everyday. On the outside I look like someone who has my life together and all my friends and even teachers just expect me to be the best student who achieves top grades but really, I am crying every night over these stupid assignments and tests. I've planned out this great future where I am going to get excellent grades in grade 11 and 12 (currently in grade 10), and then go to university and study a bachelor of science but I just don't know if I can do it and I don't want to end up with a basic job. I want to have a great life and have enough money to support myself but I just can't see it working out. Ugh, it's just so hard to put into words how this is affecting me but every day its just a constant battle with my mind that nobody sees, that nobody knows about, and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't even know if it's anxiety or something because I have never talked about it with anybody before. I just wish it would stop.

Lori · ‎18-08-2015

Hi Teacla,

Well done for reaching out on the Beyondblue forums!

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time at school with your grades and that you are fighting constant battle with yourself. But just because you didn't get an A on a subject you were hoping doesn't mean that you aren't smart or anything. I remember for myself when i was in starting year 12 i said to myself and my teachers that i was going to put 100% on everything and get A's in all my subjects because i want to go to University. I can happily tell you i didn't get A's in my subjects, had half B's and half C's. I wasn't thrilled with my results but at the end of the day i did the best i can and i still passed and i can also say i am now at University 🙂

I just want you to know that as long as your putting in effort and are trying your hardest then you should be happy and proud of what you have accomplished!

I use to stress all the time about my work and about my grades and what i found that helped was remembering to take deep breaths in the stressful moments to keep me calm and to help keep focus also sometimes i would just have a break and go for a walk to clear my mind and then come back to my work after.

Try doing some deep breaths each day don't worry about the future too much, You will get to University if you put your mind to it, but don't let school work get the better of you. Keep pushing yourself to achieve your very best but not too much 🙂 and always remember you are doing a great job so far and be proud of what you are doing and how far you have come 🙂

Keep up the good work, keep us updated and Good luck with all your studies 🙂

-Lori 🙂

romantic_thi3f · ‎20-08-2015

Hi Teacla,

Thanks for reaching out to the forums.

Totally agree with Lori and everything she's said.

I always struggled with grades as well when I was in primary school. I know there was so much pressure for me to get into uni. But the only thing that matters in getting into uni is the score you get at the end of grade 12, which is actually two years away. You are working hard - putting in the effort, and that's what matters.

I also want to mention that even if you were to get D's or E's which is highly unlikely given your history, it wouldn't mean that university is off the cards. There are always other ways.

You have a dream girl. Don't let anything stand in your way.

🙂

Narniakid · ‎20-08-2015

Hi teacla, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

Particularly in recent years, high schools tend to put pressure on students with this idea of "if you're not going to go to uni then you're going to be a complete failure", which is a load of bull. Yes, universities like straight A's, but they also like passion. If you want this badly enough, and you're keen and enthusiastic, you're going to go far.

I used to be a straight A student until about Year 9, when the depression and anxiety set in and I completely gave up. I failed my HSC and walked out of most of my exams. A number of my teachers thought I was going to waste my life doing nothing. I finished Year 12 last year, with a failed HSC. In that time I've gotten a job I love, been accepted and studying at the best radio school in the country, done a bunch of short courses, volunteered at places, interviewed and met some amazing people, and (I'm a hobbyist artist) exhibited in a handful of shows and galleries - all in less than one year after finishing school.

There's a difference between putting in hard work and straining yourself out. If it's at the point where you're crying each night over your (pretty great) results, then you need to think about your priority subjects, and make sure (I cannot stress this enough) you're getting enough down-time.

There are so many more options to get into doing what you love than just good grades. Look after yourself. I have faith in you.

Crystal

teacla · ‎20-08-2015

Thank you so much, Lori. Sometimes I forget to calm myself down when I am put into stressful situations, so I will definitely start working on that!

-Tegan 🙂

teacla · ‎20-08-2015

Hi Crystal,

thanks so much for writing this! It's amazing that you have completed so much in your life in such a short period of time and gives me hope for my future. I will definitely try to focus on myself some more, and a bit less on school.

Thanks again,

Tegan 🙂

clen · ‎10-09-2015

Hi teacla,

So I know exactly what you are talking about I was just doing that as well the only difference is that I'm in year 11 going on to year 12 (scary right). science year 8 all I got were C and D then I decide to step up this year and all I got were As but I realized i was happier when i was getting the C and D I thought that taking hone an A would make my parents proud they didn't care i was always tired and grumpy from all nighters and my friends never saw me. but like you said I wanted to get into a good uni, but after I went to the pen day at the uni I wanted to go to I realized all I had to do is reach my ATAR which was 80 also seeing as you know you want a bachelor in science find out what ATAR you want? then I asked my teaches what grades will I need to get I dropped down to maths apps and English pathways and I set how much homework I do at night. Know I'm on straight Bs but I try my best I get to hang out with friend all the time and I have more me time.

I hope this helped

-Jackie