I can't go back to school.

[laniipops]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum, I'm new to posting things like this on the internet, but I need some advice.

Let me give you some background first. I'm 16 years old and when I was in Year 8 I was diagnosed with suicidal depression and and anxiety. I went to a therapist and 6 months later I had stopped needing to go to sessions, all was good, well as good as it could really get. Late last year though old and new feelings started to return. I went back to therapy and was told I had severe depression and anxiety, and to be honest I was kind of expecting it. But although I went to therapy it kept getting worse, my grades fell, my friendship group fell apart and I found myself with no friends and so I started to not engage with anyone at school and I also started to miss a lot of days at school because I couldn't will myself to get out of the bed anymore. The summer holidays came and went, and for me they were surprisingly even harder then going to school, I struggled to keep on the mask that I was so good at putting on.

Now it's today my first day back at school in Year 11, but I couldn't do it, I couldn't even get out of bed this morning. I had a complete freakout, I tried so hard to get out of bed but I felt paralysed, I just couldn't move. I'm still in bed now, I feel like I'm drowning with someone continuously pushing my head under. I can't move forwards or back, I'm stuck in limbo. But now for the real question, this time I've spent trying to make plans because its what I do. I've come up with two options, I either work really hard with my therapist to try and get to school everyday or I do distance education. I don't what to do and was hoping you could all give some suggestions. Thanks for reading.

[quirkywords]

Welcome Lani

This is a caring, supportive and friendly community.

Firstly, you have done well to make it to year 11 . You have worked hard to get to this stage of your education.

When I was in Year 11 a very long time ago so long ago it was called 5th form, I became very depressed and found it hard to get to school. My dad drove me for nearly 2 weeks waiting patiently while I stayed in the car. I tried to move but I felt stuck to the sheepskin car cover. I eventually made it through the gate as I saw the look of disappointment in my dad's eyes.

You are far more organised than I was and you have 2 options. As it has only been one day, I have a 3rd option. Is it possible to see how you go this week and if you still can't move, then look at option 1 and 2.

I don't know you so that may be a silly option but it was just a thought.

What do you parents think about your options?

Quirky

[Summer Rose]

Hi Lani. I hear you, lovely. And it's not enough for me to acknowledge those mornings are tough--I know it's soul-destroying stuff. I supported my daughter with similar issues through five years of high school. She too considered distance education but ultimately decided she wanted to stick it out. It wasn't easy but I am so very proud that she was able to graduate.

Accessing your education on a level playing field with your non-anxious peers is your right, how you do it is your choice. I do, however, encourage you to consider that school is about more than just sitting in a classroom. It's about drama, sport, music, friends, and a sense of connection. I would hate for anxiety to take that from you, unless that's what you truly want.

From my experience, I can tell you that there are many strategies you can use to help you take that first step and get out of bed in the morning. Your therapist can probably help your find strategies that will work for you. If you think you'd like to keep trying, I encourage you to take more time like Quirky suggested and maybe also consider a 4th option: attend your current high school, but do it your way.

It is possible to complete VCE or VCAL with flexibility that will enable you to structure your program in such a way so that your health issues are taken into consideration (e.g. with VCE you only need to complete four subjects to graduate which gives you time to manage your health and more timetabling options so there's less pressure in the mornings). And don't worry about what your peers might say--they are all structuring their programs to suit their needs.

You would, however, need to be prepared to discuss your specific needs with school. Can I ask, do you think mum or dad or someone else you trust could help talk to school? If not, would you feel comfortable asking your school guidance counsellor or psychologist (if your school has one) to help you?

If you decide you want to explore this path, I will be more than happy to share all I know with you about the VCE system, VCAA support and how to hopefully get what you need from school. I will monitor this thread and be here for you.

, in fact, I have literally spent years helping my daughter get to school, so that she could access her education and reach her full potential.

[Summer Rose]

Hi, again. I'm sorry Lani but I should have deleted the last sentence of my post. Forgive me, I am very tired after a long day at work and I don't know how to edit the post now. Please ignore that last sentence.

[AnonimFey]

Hi Lani,

I completely get where you are coming from, when I was in high school I was in the exact same spot as you. I understand the pain you are experiencing and hope you continue to pursue therapy and don't lose faith. Try different counsellors until you find someone who actually helps. In regards to your schooling, I suggest you look into distance education. You can still pursue your education and get your VCE through plenty of different programs that don't require you to go to public school everyday. I personally found it very difficult to go to public school due to anxiety, and I did distance education through a program called AYCE. Perhaps start there? You only have to go once a week and you get your VCE and ATAR.

Wishing you all the best.

AnonimFey