I can't be honest with my therapist

[Officer_Unicorn]

My therapist is trying to help me and I know that but every time they ask me a question about something thing to do with my mental health and how I feel almost like a reflex I deny any negative feelings I have, I say I'm fine I'm ok nothing's wrong, I can hear my self shouting in my head I'm not ok I need help but when I try to say something my throat dries up my jaw clenches shut and I feel a cold sweat rush over my body and I can't say anything or barely move. I don't know what to do I want help and to be honest but I feel like I'm fighting myself and I can't win.

[blondguy]

Hello Officer_Unicorn (and your gorgeous woofer too!)

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the strength to post too

I understand where you are coming from regarding 'letting go' with your therapist...it can be hard..

It took me about 2 weekly visits before my therapist had me bawling my eyes out.....I was so awkward and embarrassed until she told me thats why she had a box of tissues on the little table right in front of me,,

I have had severe anxiety and then depression for years, having that mega cry felt awful...at the time but I understand now that its the smartest move I have made.....My anxiety reduced big time. I just understand that I had a huge vent.....like blowing off steam.....I was holding so much crap inside me I forgot how to cry.....(if that makes any sense)

My therapist was firm and asked me to see her once a week....I found that weird....but she was right....it worked.....with me dumping my silly pride and letting her dig around my thoughts.....I just didnt understand how well it would work...

Your reaction is fine Officer, I just hope you can keep going back as regular visits will bring you some peace 🙂

There are many very kind people on the forums that can be here for you.....It would be great if you could post back

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

[geoff]

hello Officer_Unicorn, the best way for you to overcome this is by writing down on a piece of paper how you actually are feeling, no if's and no but's, and remember that your therapist wasn't born yesterday they can read you like a book, although they don't know what exactly is hurting you, but they do know you are going to see them so there has to be a reason.
They desperately want to help you, that's what they have been trained to do, no one else will know what happens in a session it's completely confidential, and your worry is their worry.
If you don't feel as though you want to mention everything on that piece of paper, that's fine, but try and give them something that will make you feel comfortable.
Mental illness won't be fixed straight away, it's ongoing, where there will be times when you feel so much better, but then days when it hits you straight back and back to feeling miserable.
The therapist is a friend of yours, they don't to see you suffer, and over the time you see them there will be issues that just automatically come to surface, and something that hs happened which has made you feel worse off.
Take your time, you know that you need help just as they know that's what you are asking for. Geoff.

[Guest_322]

Hi Officer_Unicorn,

I can empathise with the clamming up. It's hard when you have so much to say but the words feel like they're trapped inside you.

I'm glad Paul and Geoff both responded. Paul could relate and I really like Geoff's suggestion to try a different tactic like writing if speaking is tricky for now.

I'm not currently seeking professional help but I saw a psychologist for 4 years. I struggled to open up at the start too. My psychologist was creative in trying to get me to talk more. Things that helped me when words failed were drawing how I felt or sketching a situation, writing or playing music with lyrics that I could relate to. I even emailed her after a session at one point when I suddenly found the words.

So maybe try alternative methods of communication. I found that the words tumbled out easier after I used different communication methods first; the feeling of safety and connection with my psych wasn't something that developed overnight. It took time. I'm guessing it might be the same for you.

Mental health professionals are used to people taking some time to talk and/or open up. We aren't all ready to spill our guts on day 1 and that's okay.

I hope you stick it out at therapy. And good on you for posting here.

Dottie x