finding it hard

[Mollyleah]

Hello,  I have posted once before about dealing with something that happened around 9 months ago, on my own. I have been having nightmares a lot, I haven't really been getting any sleep, so it's started to stress me out and I am now being sick during the day making things even worse. The people around me are starting to notice a little more and it's really worrying me. I have been thinking about ending my life. It's really horrible thinking about ending my own life. I am 17 at the moment so I'm living at home and I'm finding it really hard to be around my family. There are other issues going on so they are little distracted which makes it easier, I feel bad though because I've been getting really short and angry with them for no reason. I honestly hate myself so much and i don't see a future for myself at all. I just can' t cope with these thoughts and not sleeping or eating properly anymore, and I'm worried I might do something I will regret. But I' m too scared and nervous to get help and tell my doctor or anyone about what's been going on. Does anyone have any tips on how they have dealt with talking about something for the first time, or even just doing something you really don't want to do?

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[AGrace]

Hi Mollyleah,

I'm not sure if I've responded to your previous post, however welcome back.

The thoughts that you are having are serious, and need to be treated that way. If you are really struggling then I'd suggest you contact Beyondblue if not via phone then at least in the evenings via webchat. You really do need to get some support.

In terms of tips, some of the things I've tried in the past are:

Writing in a diary, and then giving or reading my diary to the Dr to explain how I've been feeling.

Just writing down some of your thoughts and taking this with you to share with the Dr.

Getting a friend/family member to go to the Dr's appointment with you.

Make your Dr's appointment for first thing in the morning, so you are not having to wait too long in the waiting room, which can sometimes make you more nervous.

You may also like to visit the youthbeyondblue site. There's lots of information and resources there specifically for young people.

I know what it's like to really despise who you are, to no longer see any hope of a future, to feel completely alone, and not know where to turn. You mentioned that people are starting to notice some changes in you, does this include your family? Are you able to speak with your parents about how you're feeling? Even if just to say you would like some help to speak with a Dr.

In regards to doing something you really don't want to do, I'm hoping you mean opening up about how you're feeling. The thing is once you have finally shared your troubles it usually brings a sense of relief, you don't tend to feel so isolated anymore. Perhaps you could even think of a way to reward yourself once you do it?

If you feel that you're unable to talk with your family/friends, are you able to speak with a teacher or student counsellor?

Molly, it's really important that you get some help, you will be surprised at how much easier things will become once you have someone to talk with and to steer you in the right direction. Don't forget you can actually go to a GP on your own.

I really want to hear back from you, and I hope it's helped posting on the forums again.

AGrace

[Mollyleah]

Hi AGrace thank you for the reply. I really like the idea to go to the doctors first thing in the morning. I know it's going to be a weight lifted once I ask for help, so hopefully I can motivate myself to go. I don't want to talk about anything, so it's good that you've found it easier to write it down. It's good to know that other people have written what they've wanted to say down. I finished school so I don't have any teachers or anything to talk to. I have friends but I'm just not comfortable talking to them. I think I should have said something a lot earlier to them, if I were to tell them. I think I would be putting pressure on them and I know they are all really busy at the moment. I think some days are worse than others, and I will definitely seek help from someone close to me if i cant make myself go. Thank you again for the reply, it was really informative 🙂