feeling overwhelmed and need tips for self-compassion

[Mangopie8]

Hi there,

I have just graduated and is applying to graduate school lately. But each day, when I searching for potential supervisors and trying to read their work, I get more and more stressed out. I get overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to do before the application deadline. I started to feel like the joy and love I have for research starting to fade away. More and more self-doubts start to creep in and everyday I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I try to recognise that not everything is in my control, but 'thinking about the bright side' seems fake and pointless at times. I don't know if anyone felt like this before. I'm really curious about how do people take care of themselves during difficult times, and what are their tips for self-compassion.

Kind regards,

Mangopie8

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mangopie8,

Well done for opening up here. It’s really difficult to be open and articulate about how you’re feeling, but it's a great thing to have done.

Lots of people on the forums find that sharing is an early step on the journey towards feeling better. We’re sure we’ll here from them on your thread soon. In the meantime, here’s some resources you could take a look at:

• When your inner critic is giving you a tough time
• Our resident mental health professional, Coach Craig's advice on practicing self-compassion
• The Beyond Blue Heads Up resources on taking care of your mental health.

If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, please give the helpline a ring on 1300 22 4636, or use the webchat to speak to them from 11am AEDT, here.

Thanks again for sharing. Our community is really kind and understanding, we think they’ll have some really helpful advice and perspectives.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Mangopie8,

Thank you for reaching out and welcome to the forum.

I love the tips from Sophie. Hope you found them very useful.

I was thinking about what you said in regards to feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work that you will have to do before the deadline. What I find useful at times like that is to try to take some deep breaths in and take a step back and look at this from a different perspective. If I see it as a whole - the weight of it is often unbearable and stresses me out like there is no tomorrow.

So instead, I try to sit down and break it into smaller chunks, prioritise and tackle one at a time.

There is only 24 in a day and you have been working extremely hard to achieve your goals.

At some point, however, you have to take this one step back for at least two reasons: to get a different perspective, reorganise your workload, lower the stress levels and be surprised with the amount of work you achieve.

And secondly, even if you don't manage to achieve your goals, you will know that you had done your absolute best and there was nothing else you could do, unless gaining some superpowers.

Also, how would you feel about asking supervisors to extend the deadline? I know, sometimes asking feels uncomfortable. However, what do you risk by asking? A refusal might not be pleasant but can be dealt with. On the other hand, the approval might mean a world of difference to your plans.

What do you think?

[Mangopie8]

Hi Learn to Fly,

Thank you for your reply and suggestions. I took your advice and took a pause yesterday and reassessed my workload. I found that I have given myself a packed schedule for work-related stuff, and not enough room for pleasant activities. So I went for a long walk by myself and listened to a podcast in the afternoon. After that, I ate a mango and cooked some chicken curry for dinner. At night, I went for another walk with friends and we had a nice chat. I felt good yesterday and finally felt grounded the first time for several weeks.

As for the workload, you are absolutely right - I was holding myself to a very high standard without really assessing if it was achievable. I am still learning to sit with my progress and really root for myself for how far I have already been. But what I find that worked for me at the moment is to do things I enjoy and integrate it as part of my schedule. Maybe it's an alternative for me right now for being nicer to myself. As for asking for extension from supervisor, well, it's a bit complicated. Because supervisors usually are not in charge with graduate administration. But thanks for your suggestion!

Although I still felt stressful and anxious this morning when I woke up, I became calmer later. Just take one day at a time.

Kind regards,

M

[chadicha]

Hey, thank you for sharing. I often find myself in this situation when studying and just can't seem to absorb any information and end up resenting how I've wasted so much time despite trying so hard. I find for me, the best thing I can do is to get out and become inspired again. I go for a drive, grab a coffee and just put the music up loud and completely take my mind off any academic worries. Usually, I come back to myself clearer, in an uplifted mood and naturally this shifts how I see my work. Even going for a walk and calling a family member and talking about past funny memories or the most seemingly pointless things can just really put you back into the right mind frame.

I also notice when I exert too much pressure on myself to perform, thats exactly when I need to step back and get inspired again or to realise I'm so much more than my work. I can come back and study out of a love for it which is far more effective, rather than a need to meet this deadline and it usually does the trick.

I think the best thing that works for me is to not fight the self-doubt but to completely let go of it by just getting back into 'life' and its colour, vibrancy, rather than always trying to push through, which can seem counter-intuitive.

I really hope this helps you!

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Mangopie8,

This is just great! Well done you! You simply nailed the definition of slowing down and taking some time to look at things differently as well as spending some time on self care. I absolutely love your post as you have helped me with your ideas, so thank you!

Let us know from time to time how you go. Wishing you all the best of luck.

[Mangopie8]

Hi chadicha,

Thanks for your reply and I find it so true and inspiring about what you suggested. The pressure we put on ourselves to perform sometimes can be blinding -- we are not just here to perform but also to live our life. I resonate with the idea that bringing back what feels joyful is the antidote to stress and overwhelms instead of just keep pushing through. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. It really helps.

Kind regards,

M

[Mangopie8]

Hi Learn to Fly,

Thanks for following up. I'm glad that I took your advice to reassess and started to get my life back on track again. In the past few days, I continued to practice making realistic plans and leaving room for enjoyable activities (such as taking walks while listening to podcasts, gratitude journalling). I have been feeling less anxious lately even though I still experience stress from times to times. I'm grateful for this opportunity to practice self care and I'm happy about the progress so far. I will definitely keep you updated with my journey. Wish you all the best too!

Kind regards,

M

[Learn to Fly]

So happy to hear this, Mangopie8. Glad I could be of some small help to you but at the end of the day, the entire credit goes to you. Great job on self-care!

[Mangopie8]

Thank you Learn to Fly! I'm grateful for your support and glad to find a community here.

Kind regards,

M