Feeling lost

[Lostsoul_x]

I'm at a loss at what to do or how to cope. I'm too ashamed to tell my friends and family how bad it's getting. And when I try they don't understand. I lose myself in music, pretending I am someone else, successful, living a completely different life where I'm happy and fulfilled. It's the only way I can escape. But the cold reality is always there waiting for me when I return.

My partner doesn't understand, I tried to tell him what I was dealing with and he somehow made it about himself. I just want to feel for him again but I can't. No intimacy and we don't talk anymore. It feels like I'm being suffocated, and I'm running out of air. I just want to feel again, I'm hurting everyone around me by my mood swings but part of me doesn't care, I feel so cold inside.

[geoff]

hello, it's so difficult for people to understand how you are feeling when you're depressed if they haven't had to experience it themselves.
Having a distraction is a good way to get through the day, but yes your depression is there waiting for you to return, and if you have no support it makes your journey so much harder, because no one understands the deep that this illness drives you into and makes your life so unenjoyable.
Your partner will be annoyed from the lack of being intimate and wonders why it has stopped without realising that that's what can happen when you are depressed.
I remember once my then wife wanted to be intimate with me when I was heavily depressed and once we had finished said 'that will fix you up', how wrong she was because I didn't want to and found no pleasure in doing it.
I'm really sorry that no one cares for you because this just makes you feel on an island by yourself, but you have to realise that your depression is making this happen, there is no joy in your life and you feel as though your in a deep black hole suffocating.
What you need to do is go and see your doctor and possibly take any prescribed medication, plus can you click onto 'Get Support' at the top of the page and scroll down to 'Information Resoures' and then order 'all the printed material' from BB, it's all free and very informative, because I'd like you to read it first of all and I hope your partner will also read it, because he needs to be educated on what depression does to a person, and then hopefully start communicating with you.
While you're at the doctor's ask them about the 'mental health plan' which entitles you to 10 free visits to see a psychologist.
Please can you keep in touch with us it's important that we hear back from you. Geoff. x