Fat and hating myself

[Guest_92254322]

I am so strong for everyone I put a smile on every day. I work with mental health patients but I truly hate the way I look. My GP offered a few years ago gastric surgery but I scar real bad I don't think he under stood my worry if I scar external bad what will that do inside. My inside voice says keep pushing through but the other voice says each time I see me in the mirror you are fat. I hate me. I hate the way I look. Everyone sees the kind caring beautiful person I show the kind soul but I'm dying inside. 

[indigo22]

Hi,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so negative about yourself at present. Sometimes sensitive souls will gain weight as a form of protection from the outside environment, especially if they have experienced harsh treatment in the past. Is it possible that this is true in your case?

I think it is important to try to see yourself in a different light. The way we look is only part of who we are, not all of who we are, there are many facets to us. If the only thing you hate about yourself is the way you look at present, then telling yourself that you hate yourself is not an accurate evaluation. Can you tell us some of the things you like or love about yourself? You sound like a kind and caring person, that is a quality to be treasured, particularly in the turbulent world we are currently living in.

I know that the negative inner voice has a lot of sway over the way we feel, but you are not obliged to listen to it. There is also a positive voice that is trying to be heard that tells you "you are already worthy and perfect just the way you are". You may not yet believe the positive voice, but you can work toward it. Instead of saying "I hate myself", try saying "I know I am a kind and caring person with many good qualities, I am just not happy with the way I look right now". The reason you feel you are dying inside is because you are not seeing or acknowledging your positive qualities. When you do, it becomes obvious that there is only one thing that you wish to change and can take the steps now to change what your future looks like. A future where you are happy and comfortable with yourself. I am not talking about surgery, that is an extreme solution, try first engaging with a naturopath or nutritional advisor on the best way to go about losing the weight. Losing it slowly is the key to keeping it off in the long term.

I hope this is for help to you, please feel free to continue the conversation if you feel comfortable doing so.

Be kinder to yourself,

indigo

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Guest_92254322,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums…

I am really sorry that you feel that way about yourself….I was put on AD’s and anxiety meds around 5 years ago and I gained over 25 kilos and hated the way I looked, hated it that much that I went off my meds and got really mentally sick…I had a choice to make, be thin and mentally unwell or be fat and be mentally well….I chose the latter one…so here I am fat but able to manage my mental health….In saying that, I am not happy with how I look but I now accept me, the way I am…

You know what I have learnt over the years?…that friends, family and people in general don’t really care about how much we weigh, or what we look like….they care about our inner beauty, our kind heart, our compassionate soul and our personality….The world is full of people all different sizes and shape, hating ourselves because of our outer body isn’t at all healthy…because we are more then just a body….our body holds the true person we really are, the kind, caring, beautiful person who has a heart and soul that helps those in need…I know just by reading your words that you are one of those people…kind, caring and compassionate because of your work with mental health patients…

I spent nearly 6 weeks in a mental care hospital and the work you all do in helping others is awesome….so thank you for being a part of that awesome group of people….

I know a few people who had gastric bypass surgery, and after a year or two down the track, they have regained their weight and some more….having gastric bypass doesn’t always work hun…

What I’m trying to say, is to embrace the beautiful you…when you look into the mirror, try to see the beautiful awesome person you are…We are all unique just the way we are…

My kindest thoughts with a gentle caring hug….

Grandy..

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you, especially at such a deeply challenging time in your life. It sounds like you're facing a number of challenges that are perhaps all rolled into one. I'm wondering whether separating them could possibly help make some positive difference. I've found that separating my challenges, when it comes to reforming my mind and body, is working better than simply trying to 'lose weight'. I'm currently a 92kg 54yo gal who began my body reformation at 97kgs some weeks back. I've found some individual challenges can involve

• Managing inner dialogue: Read a brilliant book some time back called 'Insanely Gifted - Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel', by Jamie Catto. Catto proposes the idea that we have many facets of self that all go toward making up the whole of who we are. Identifying those facets, how they sound and how they lead us to feel can make some difference. While some facets we could label as our 'inner demons' (based on them creating a kind of hell on earth), some will feel heaven sent in a way (based on a comforting and guiding nature). Personally, my depressing inner critic thrives on me looking in the mirror. Can sound a little like 'Look at you, you're disgusting. What the hell happened to you? How could you have let yourself get to this point?!' and that's the short version of the dialogue. On the other hand, there can be a part of us that reassures 'You've got this, it's okay. Stop being so hard on yourself'. Btw, bringing certain positive and constructive facets to life for the first time can be a challenge well worth investing time in
• Dealing with the facts: My inner analyst (a fact based facet) loves when I gain an education. It helps me analyse in more constructive ways. Your inner analyst may dictate 'You're not fat. If you were fat, you'd be a big pile of mush. So, stop calling yourself 'fat'. You're part fat, part bone, part muscle, part vascular and so on. Part of your fat is yellow fat and part is healthy brown fat. Your goal is to lose as much yellow fat as possible, to increase the overall health of your body'. Yes, my inner analyst can be quite chatty at times 😁. The reason the pure analyst in us can be so helpful is based on it taking the emotion out of things, which includes depressing emotions. Learning to only deal with the facts can be helpful. It helps eliminate the inner critic. So, while the inner critic can say 'You used to look so good', this is not a fact. The fact is we used to look different
• Managing low energy levels: Personally, the main reason I've decided to reform my physical self is based on not being able to deal with such low energy levels and depressing inner dialogue. I find low energy levels to be deeply depressing for me at times. Low energy generates low end emotions, whereas high energy helps generate high end emotions. We humans thrive on high energy and high end emotions. Just about everything that promotes high energy has a side effect. Kinetic energy or the kind of energy that creates/generates energy (aka 'exercising energy') can have the side effect of weight loss. The kind of food that creates a type of energy that puts every cell in our body into a higher and healthier state of vibration can have the side effect of weight loss. The list goes on when it comes to such a side effect. So, a different way of looking at things can be 'I am not out to 'lose weight' but I will appreciate the side effects that come with trying to gain more energy'.

I've found that with trying to generate more energy, I can begin to feel like I'm coming to life inside as opposed to slowing dying inside. Btw, I completely caved last night and went out and bought chips and chocolate but there's a part of me that says 'That's okay. You know this journey of reformation is not designed to be easy, with no slip ups'. I should add that I struggle with being a major emotional eater, especially when I'm down.

If what they say is true and 'the body is merely a vehicle for the soul', we can be the kindest of souls in need of some body work. I smile when I say that at 54 I don't think I'm ever going to look like a brand new Ferrari but I can at least aim for being a little more aerodynamic with a lot more drive. 😊