everything is becoming so much

[pinklemonade2]

hi everyone, hope you all had a great day

i dont really know how to start this but i really need help and support with something in my life right now

i have really bad depression, it kind of comes and goes like waves but i recently have had a really bad depressive episode. i didn't ever want to get out of bed and i didn't want to go out at all, instead trying to get myself out this hole i found myself in, i turned to abusing drugs instead to cope with the pain.

over a 2 week period i was constantly drunk, stoned, never sober. the drugs gave me this false sense of happiness and sercuity which i dont really have in my life right now. im trying to stop using doing drugs but it is so so hard when all you want is that high, im still struggling but idk who to talk to about this

i hate the person i've become i want to change not only for myself but the others around me, but i dont know how to stop

any advice or support would be appreciated 😊

[Sophie_M]

Welcome pinklemonade2,

Thanks for joining our online community and reaching out today. We're sorry to hear that you've had a really bad depressive episode and it's resulted in compounding difficulties. It sounds like you've recognised that you need some help learning how to change some of your behaviours. Please know that there is support available to you in doing this - you're not alone.

This Reach Out page on Addiction has some info and resources you might find helpful - https://au.reachout.com/tough-times/addiction
And this is one of our own pages on how drugs and alcohol can make depression worse, as well as how to seek support for this - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/drugs-alcohol-and-mental-health

If you need to chat at any time, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. 

It's a really good first step reaching out here. Hopefully a few of our members will be by to welcome you over the next few days. 

[SarahZ]

Hello pinklemonade2,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out.

I'm really sorry to hear about your depression and how it has pushed you into taking drugs to deal with the pain. I'm also really saddened to hear how you aren't feeling happy where you currently are in life now. If it's not too personal to ask, how come you haven't been feeling a sense of security and happiness at this point of time? is there a particular event/person/relationship that you can pin this down to? or is it a more general feeling of unease and unhappiness?

Although drugs can provide some relief, it is only ever momentary, and it's wonderful to see how you recognise you need some assistance learning how to change this cycle. I see Sophie_M has added some useful links and numbers I would recommend checking out. The Kids Help Line might be especially beneficial as it's completely anonymous and they can provide some really friendly and useful counselling advice.

Please feel free to give an update whenever you feel up to it. Remember that you are not alone in this journey - these forums will always be here listening and supporting you.

Wishing you the very best ~

[therising]

Hi pinklemonade2

My heart truly goes out to you as you find yourself facing the overwhelming challenges that come with moving in and out of the depths of depression.

I've come to see depression in a unique way, since having come out of quite a significant one (of 15 years). Not sure if you can relate. I hope this makes a difference:

I see depression as 'a hole' we graduate into (unless there's a sudden fall/trauma). When we 1st enter into a depression, we may not even feel it. As our chemistry changes, the changes become significant to the point where we begin feeling the down shift. As things begin to change more, as we graduate further down for one reason or another, it's then when we truly begin to feel our self in the depths. In hitting the absolute depths, there is nothing like it. In the darkness, there is no light. In regard to chemistry, we experience a lack of significant 'pay off' (dopamine) and 'happiness' (serotonin). What we wish for, more than anything, is a difference we can feel.

With myself, in my depression, the difference came with alcohol. Being a mind/body/spirit gal these days, I can see how and why alcohol 'worked' for me. It was mind altering, shifted my chemistry and lifted my spirits...until it didn't. Hangovers and regret were definitely depressing, in many ways. Battling depression and the effects of alcoholism made for a challenging existence, indeed. Can relate.

One of the ways I manage to stay out of depression involves me asking 'What differences need to be made, to the degree where I literally feel the difference?'Example:

• When it comes to the people around us, do they make a difference? On the negative side, do they induce mental stress/physical stress/natural or spiritual stress (are they soul destroying) or do they simply do nothing to make a difference or do they make some difference (we feel only a little bit but not enough)? Who's raising us and who's bringing us down or leaving us down?
• Who or what is providing us with natural highs (as opposed to the highs obtained through drugs and alcohol)? Higher consciousness, high spirits, high aspirations, higher degrees of self understanding etc.
• Energy is a biggy in my life. I can't function effectively on low energy. If we were batteries this would be more relateable. Fully charged, powering down, completely 'flat'. Finding what or who puts us in (a state of) charge is significant

People and challenges can be incredibly draining and deeply depressing at times.

🙂