Depressed or Lazy?

[Casualfriday]

Hi everyone!

Ok, where to begin? Two years ago I was diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder and i've been on and off anti-depressants since then as well as seeing a great psychologist - it is being managed. BUT here's the thing, I've noticed that I have no motivation to do pretty much anything that requires any slightly uncomfortable effort and I can't tell if it's because of poor mental health or if it's a personality flaw. I'm in my first year of uni, living on campus, and most of the time I have no problem hanging out with my few friends but whenever it comes to studying, shopping, cleaning or anything similar I literally just avoid doing it. This means usually napping or binge watching Netflix. And it's not like I'm feeling depressed about it, it's more a feeling of apathy. I feel like i'm the laziest person ever but I know in the back of my mind it's probably a result of me not taking enough care of my mental health. I'm just really struggling because I don't want to just blame it on my mental health issues but I just don't have the energy to change myself. So... am I actually still depressed or am I just lazy?

Keen to hear your thoughts

[SubduedBlues]

Hi CasualFriday

Hmm... interesting conundrum
Are you feeling bad about not doing anything, or do you not do anything because you feel bad?

Depression takes a lot out of many people, so it is not uncommon to not feel like doing anything when you are depressed. But then if you used to be an active person, one could see how you might feel down for not achieving anything. I think this is a good question to explore with your psychologist (assuming that you have one)

I got through my blues by starting small. I started with a concerted effort to make the bed every morning. That helped. It taught me that I can do things, and soon I did more stuff. It took some time, but I am back to work full time and got over the dog

SB

[topsy_]

Hi Casualfriday,

I can't answer you exactly, except to say the same thing happens to me. It is ever ongoing with me. A day where I can get up & get a lot of housework done is rare. I spend a lot of time feeling very guilty for not getting things done. But that doesn't get me up to do anything. I like SB's idea of choosing one thing to do each day & then expand. I might try that & see how I go. I wish you well & hope maybe others might be more helpful.

Cheers, Lyn.

[Nebulous]

Hi Casualfriday

I think apathy can be a product of both mental health and personality at the same time. But whichever it is, what does it matter? Is being apathetic helping you to reach your goals? If it isn't you should try to fight against it, whatever the cause is. Our unwillingness to go out and do things is a huge obstacle to us recovering, because a large part of fighting depression is pushing through situations that are uncomfortable to us. The more you get used to bearing those situations the quicker you will get well again - so this dichotomy between conditional and natural is unhelpful to begin with.

I am a student on campus as well, and I get what you mean about having little energy to do things. I procrastinate and laze around my flat far too much, and recognize that in part this is caused by depression, but I do not allow myself to become complacent in it because it isn't good for me. You have to draw a line at some point between what you are allowed and not allowed to do. Staying in bed all day is unhelpful, and we should try to push ourselves out of that cycle as much as possible or else we won't get better. Exercize, hobbies, clubs, socializing (even if just talking to the grocer), seeing a psychologist, working, going to class, playing sports - these sorts of things are worth using your day for. So give yourself some allowance to be lazy and whatnot, but do not surrender to it completely simply because it could be a symptom.

You're not alone in dealing with a mental health issue in university. Feel free to talk to me if you ever feel like it because I understand where you are coming from :).

[blondguy]

Hi Casualfriday

Good on you for having the guts to post....and you have written a good one!

There is great advice above from SB, Lyn and Nebulous which I hope you can digest. Can I ask you what happened prior to your diagnosis 2 years ago? I understand the apathy as I have had this depression loitering around me for a while now.

It would be great if you stick around and respond when convenient for you 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Casualfriday]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your response! I'd love to answer your question.

Well two years ago, I was still in high school. I was really involved in extra curricular activities and I was really fit. The main thing I was struggling with mentally was anxiety, not so much depression. I would have panic attacks whenever I felt trapped and couldn't leave. i.e. in school assembly, year group meetings and even on the 5 minute bus trip to school. So I sought after help, and with therapy and medication, my panic attacks became far less frequent, which was awesome! Still is.

But then I graduated. My plan for the year after I graduated from high school was to do a short course, but this plan fell through. I realised I hated the course as it was poorly run, there was nobody studying my age and I felt really isolated from all of my friends who decided to go to uni. This was made worse by the fact that I went to a pretty elite private school and it was just expected that everyone goes to uni. So I dropped out of the course, but I didn't have a plan. I literally spent all year at home, avoiding people. I eventually felt too embarrassed to leave the house because I had really let myself go and I felt like a failure. I gained roughly 30kg in a year (no exaggeration) which is really awful, it kind of crushed my self esteem.

But at the end of last year my parents encouraged me to apply to uni after all, they were so concerned about what this isolation had done to me both physically and mentally, So i did and I got accepted, I started this year. While I've been far more social this year, and have made some truly amazing friends, I still have this constant feeling of "eh". In the first semester, I got extensions for literally every single assignment. It is a miracle I haven't failed anything. It won't go away either. I just want more than anything to enjoy life again - be involved, fit and excited about engaging in life rather than pretending I have no responsibilities and avoiding anything remotely uncomfortable. It's just such a hard cycle to break.

Anyway I hope that answered your question, thanks again for your reply.

Casualfriday 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi CasualFriday

Thanks heaps for responding 🙂 And congrats to you to achieved so much including working so hard and succeeding with your anxiety prior to uni.

The isolation you mentioned above whether self imposed or not is still a big rut to get out of. And like you said the weight gain would be a huge disappointment after being so fit.

Its just my humble opinion, but I dont see a lazy person at all. I see an intelligent well articulated bright person who still has a bit of dark cloud above herself which may provide that 'blah' feeling

Do you actually enjoy the subject/elective you have chosen?

I see an achiever 🙂

kind thoughts

Paul