Depressed and getting no where

[Mr_Dan]

I'm just going to post the crux of my situation, thanks if you read it.

I got my first full time job two years ago which I just left a fortnight ago due to bullying. I was harassed constantly for a year by other workers and by the management themselves, not because I did anything but because they were bullies with a history of abusing innocent workers. I left because another job came up with another company which I thought would be more professional, but this new job is a manual job (which I understood before applying), but the problem is that I feel that I am way too overloaded with work for the day. I've been working 9-10 hour days and the management have been complaining that I take too long to do the work. I asked my colleague who was training me in the job and he said that is how they are, its a bit of a bad culture there which I didn't know as I'm new. I know I won't be staying there so I am so depressed at the moment that I am busting my behind and then I get home every day and just go to sleep for most of the night, wake up have dinner and then go back to sleep.

I feel so useless because I don't know what to do with myself and I don't know if I'll ever be able to have any career or decent job without being harassed. I was great at my last job but I was pushed out of it by people that harassed me, lied about me and at one point I was violently assaulted. I just don't know what to do, makes me wonder if it is even worth trying sometimes. I've dealt with depression since high school and I am just so sick of people when all I want is to be left alone and just go about my work. If it wasn't for my girlfriend I probably wouldn't care as much about being alive. I've got no current prospects and I'm basically sick of trying. I don't know what to do. My girlfriend is pretty much the only thing that makes me happy right now but my parents don't approve of our relationship and because I don't have a regular income I can't move out right now. Just shaking my head at the moment because I don't know if things will ever get any better for me. I feel like such a loser.

Sorry just needed to get this out to someone.

[MsPurple]

Hi Mr Dan and welcome to the forums.

I know how frustrating it is to start a new job and for them to throw you in the deep end and expect you to work like a second year employee from day one. It can be really stressful. It is good you discussed this with your trainer. It sounds like they agree your speed is adequate and it sounds like he has you back. I try remind my employee and other people I am new and and still learning the ropes. But I also ask for constructive feedback as well. Such as 'how would you like me to do this?' 'is there a trick to this?'. I try ask questions while I am still in the new phase. Maybe asking your employer about they suggest maybe seen as getting initiative? It can be tricky when working a new job (something I am also in the middle of) because you want to fit in with the team and leave a good impression, but it can feel overwhelming at the same time. I just want you to know you are not alone in feeling this way with new employment. I know it is frustrating dealing with work but all I can say is hang in there for a bit. If you are wanting to look for other work I suggest waiting till you find another job before quitting your current employment.

I am sorry your parents don't approve of your relationship. It can be hard feeling like your parents don't approve. But what is important is that you are happy with each other and you both treat each other with love and respect. I think it is something they will come around. Show them how much you care about each other.

Hope this is helpful. I just want you to know you are not alone

[IshaX]

TW *anorexia/ bullying*

100% relate! I'm experiencing the same thing (and have been for a year now).
It's really tough trying to find other jobs when you're working 9 -16 hour days (sometimes I've worked a non-stop 48 hour day, which is definitely illegal) & you come home exhausted so applying for new jobs is the last thing on your mind.
My work even refuses to let me take my TOIL time to even go to doctors appointments so my psych & doctor stay back late until 7pm so that they can check in on me. (I've even relapsed into anorexia because I'm so afraid to leave my office to get food, take a lunch break & then I come home after working my usual 14-16 hour days with no energy to cook!)

Unlike you, I am fortunate in that I have not been physically abused at work-only verbally as I'm in more of an administrative field. (I'd like to see one of my bullies - including my CEO try to throw a hole punch at me cause it'd go straight into my log of dates/times and incidents that I've been keeping since I started working at my current organisation). But I definitely understand that bullying on top of manual work would grinds you down & I am so sorry that this is happening to you! As a minimum, management need to address the incident of the physical abuse so it doesn't happen to you or anyone else ever again - at the very least they should look at it from a OHS perspective and that's completely inappropriate to assault you with something that can do serious damage like a spanner!

I have also felt like everywhere I go I end up being bullied but my psych & doctors have helped me realised my colleagues are insecure about the work outcomes I produce & that my high standards make it obvious that the people bullying me (who are used to slacking off/enjoying a more "relaxed" aka inefficient & lazy workplace - as I've found is the case with a lot of not for profit organisations) are not doing their jobs properly.

My advice for coping is (for now) write times, dates & incidents down so that management can't undermine the experiences you've faced. Also, if you can find one or two people at work to have your back it can make a world of difference. They might not be able to openly defend you, but they can be people to help you out if you need to take a 15 min a break from that negative environment or people you can vent to.

As MsPurple said, you're not alone...but also remember you're not at fault and are doing the best you can with what seems like poor training & support!