Compulsive liar, help!

[Olivia1]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here but I just really needed to get this off my chest. I am 17 years old turning 18 in December and I want to try and stop my compulsive lying habit before it gets really out of hand!! Before I discuss that further I want to tell you a little about me. I suffer from high levels of anxiety. (leading to me trembling and having slight panic attacks) I also experience a roller coaster of different emotions. Sometimes I am happy other times I am in complete lows. I also was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was in year 2 (high functioning) and I struggle fitting in at school. I only have 1 friend and I just can't seem to connect with people my age. Lastly, I was in foster care for the first three years of my life (because my birth parents chose drugs over me) and so that is why I have developed trust issues and anxiety.

Ever since I could remember I would lie about the smallest of things. I would do this to get myself out of trouble, or because I was ashamed and wanted to make my parents proud. So I would just lie and because of this I have become so good at lying that I don't even think when I do it. It comes so naturally to me and it makes me feel fake and guilty. Now days I still lie to get me out of trouble, however I am usually caught anyway. And when I am in public I also act like someone I am not, because I hate myself and want to look like a better person to others.

Because of my constant lying I have fractured my relationship with my adoptive parents and they can't trust me, when all I want is to make them proud. I feel like such a bad child and such a waste of space. I constantly remind myself of the happiness my family would have had if I wasn't there. And I really don't want to become a person like my birth parents, but sometimes I feel so dark and empty that I feel like I am a really bad person. I also get really angry at myself for the horrible lies I tell to the only people in the world that truly care for me.

I just wish I could be a better person.

Sorry for my rant and I hope you are all going well. I just feel so alone because of all the lies that I'm left with no one. ♥xx ♥

[Aaronsis]

Hi Olivia

Welcome to the forum and I am so proud of you that you have been able to purge this here and been able to get this out and off your chest. It is not easy to admit that you are making up stories and telling lies and I am super proud of you, with this move of admission and that you want to end this lying you can start a conscious effort each day to stop. I want you to know though that this is pretty common, especially when we may not be living a life that we want so badly and we tend to make things up that elude others to a life that we would love, that we don't have. This does not make you a bad child at all, it makes you a person who is craving to have something else in her life.

I am wondering how you would feel about having this conversation with your parents, it seems to me that they have chosen you, they adopted you and that is pretty special. I am sure that they do not think you are a bad child either, but maybe they do wonder what is troubling you and what you are thinking and what you are feeling.

It is hard to have these conversations and you could even start by showing them exactly what you have written here, that you do just want them to be proud of you, while I am sure that they already are, maybe they need to know that you are not feeling like they are proud of you, that letting them know these feelings can infact help them to in communicating with you too.

I hear what you say in that all the lies and telling people who love you these lies is really hurting how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself and that is really hard to hear. These lies are not who you are, they are not what you are and they can be corrected. You are so very aware now of the lies that you are telling and this is a really wonderful start. You can start even if it is one a day, when you feel you are about to say something that is not true you can stop, take a breathe and chose not to. Even if you say nothing, you can ask for a minute to respond, you can even say can I have some time to get back to you on that, if telling the truth hurts too much.

You are a young lady with alot on her plate and I am so pleased you have come to share how you are feeling so openly and so honestly, you matter and you are worth happiness Olivia.

I hope you can take some kindness for you, you deserve it.

Chat some more to you really soon Olivia

Hugs

Sarah

[Olivia1]

Thank you so much for your reply! I think that I will talk to my parents about it and I will take it day by day like you said. I will try to think before I answer questions to make sure I am being honest with my answers. This message really gave me hope that I can change for the better. Thank you so much. ♥

[Aaronsis]

Hi Olivia

Well what a wonderful message to receive from you, hope is fantastic! I think you will find that the responses you get from your parents is not always what we role play in out head, that they do mostly respond with love and kindness and I am sure that they are going to be thrilled you are opening up to them. They may not know what to say or do at first but that is ok too, this is new information for them to process and they might need some support in supporting you too.

They key is communication, and I think once you start to chat to them you will feel such a relief.

One day at a time, one conversation at a time, that is all you can do, you do not have to change the world today but little by little you will correct your behaviours of the past. Knowing that in doing so you are making a happier life for you with gaining trust from people, which is maybe why you were lying in the first place, to impress people and to gain their trust, just a suggestion there. But the negative cycle can be turned into a positive one.

Well done to you and I am so proud of you, I can not wait to hear how you go in your chat and like I said, there are many ways to let them know, to communicate if talking is hard for you. You could even do a mix of both talking and a letter, whatever you feel comfortable with.

I also wanted to tell you about Kids Helpline, they support young people up to the age of 24 and are so amazing. They even have a web chat option if you prefer to type rather than call, so feel free to call them too if you need some extra support. They are on 1800 54 1800 and I will put the link here for the webchat:

https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

I think there is a bit of a wait time as they are pretty busy at the moment but the wait will be worth it for some extra support if you need it.

You matter and you are worth this investment in you, taking small steps for a big outcome and I am so proud of you. Well done and I hope to chat to you some more.

Hugs to you Olivia

Sarah

[Aaronsis]

..Just noticed a typo with the Kids Helpline number..it is 1800 55 1800....

S

[Olivia1]

Hi!

Thank you for your reply! I will tell you how the conversation goes when I talk to them and I will check out the web chat as well! Thank you for caring enough to answer. It has been very helpful and nice to talk to someone else about this. You were right when you said I lied in order to impress people. I do do that, since I just want to make the people around me proud, so I mask my failures or I lie when I do something wrong. I think ill start with communicating to those around me and I understand that it will take time to earn back their trust.

Hugs right back at you 🙂

[Aaronsis]

Hi Olivia

It is wonderful to chat to you and I am so pleased to hear that you are having some time to reflect and to acknowledge why you may have made those choices to lie, it is all apart of the journey and knowing what you are searching for as well as knowing what you dont want too. There is no shame and nothing to be feeling bad about, you are in a place now where you can move forward, take the time to think about what you do want things to look like with regards to relationships and friendships and think of other ways to engage those without the stories....you will find that they love you for you, for your laugh, for your heart and for being you, not what you have or who you think they want you to be.

Sending you the courage and strength to chat with your parents and if you do feel like you need a pep talk pre doing that, we are here for you.

I hope today you can do something to bring a smile to your face.

more hugs

Sarah

[Jasjit]

Hi Olivia!

No, please don't apologize. You are the bravest person who has taken this step to share your story online. This takes a lot of courage. Well done on that!!

First of all, anything in the world that is broken can be unbroken the next minute, whether they are relationships. By posting up your story to me it shows you have great insight and I can assure you that by this level of insight you can conquer anything you want. So, maybe if you want you could start taking a minute pause whenever you feel the urge to lie. Maybe start questioning yourself why do you have to lie. Try this just for once and you will definitely realize lying is much harder than simply saying the truth!!

If there is something about being a perfect child, isn't that too much expectation of yourself? I am pretty sure or every parent whether they are adopted ones, they don't want their child to be perfect, they just want them to be themselves.

Hope that helps but I am always here for a quick chat if you have any more questions.

[Olivia1]

Hi I hope you are going well and I just wanted to say that my chat with my parents went well. 🙂 They are currently being very supportive and helpful. Thank you for encouraging me to speak up and talk to them about it.

[quirkywords]

Olivia,

I want to say what a strong young woman you are and I am glad it went well with your parents.

Thank you for thanking Aaronsis for her helpful suggestion.

I am glad they are supportive. When I was a bit younger than you I would lie but I could never be honest to tell people what i was doing.

I admire they way you have an insight into your behaviour.

i wish you all the best. You know you can post here any and discuss how things are going.