lonely hours who tf is up!

[bluetime00]

Hi,

I'm not used to reaching out to others (which is honestly probably part of my problem), but please bare with me as I'm very new to this whole concept. I'm 20 years old and have been suffering from perpetual and intense loneliness for the past 12 months. I have always been quite a sociable person, but suffer from social anxiety and fear that people think I'm boring or not worth their time. After finishing high school I spent a year traveling with some of my closest friends and gained confidence through hanging out with people who were older than me. As time went on a lot of those friendships fell apart and I began to feel very disillusioned and anxious in regards to my social life and place in friendships. Regardless of that fact I continued to go out and remain very close friends with one friend in particular. We did everything together and had since high school. Things then begun to change when she got a boyfriend (I'm aware of how cliche this experience of loneliness is trust me ahah). Nonetheless my friend and I begun hanging out less and I found myself spending the majority of my time alone. I used to be fine spending time by myself but now I find it incredibly isolating and don't know how to overcome this feeling. I also feel desperate constantly asking to hang out with my close friend as she now lives with her boyfriend and he comes to everything we do together. I don't want to come across as spiteful, because I see how happy my friend is in her relationship and I obviously like to know she has someone who cares about her. I feel like I'm surrounded by people in relationships and people who have an abundance of friends which only further perpetuates my feeling of loneliness. Honestly don't know what I'm expecting to get out of this post because I'm not sure what advice I would find useful in this particular situation. If I'm honest I just needed to get this off my chest and attempt to perhaps not feel so lonely lol

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi bluetime00,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here. I promise you that there's lots of people awake in the lonely hours here and no doubt you'll get some extra support.

I'm in my late 20's now (makes me feel old) but I can very much relate to your post in experiencing loneliness especially when friends start getting into relationships. Sometimes I think friends in relationships can at times feel so in your face - ie a sign "Just letting you know I'm in one and you're not!" Even though at the same time you can be so happy for them. It's not spiteful - completely understandable.

Are there ways that maybe you can start to be a little more social? Part of me thinks from your post that it might be less about the feeling of being lonely and more about the fear of being boring and not worth others time. It's a pretty shitty feeling, but I also imagine a lot of it is untrue - I've never really met any boring people. 🙂

rt

[Jasjit]

Good morning Bluetime00!!

Welcome to BeyondBlue online forums and thanks for reaching out and sharing your story with me.

I can honestly relate to your story. Personally, being a sufferer of social/generalised anxiety, having fears and then all those problems got turned into my eating disordered behaviors and I became super obese throughout my childhood and adolescence - I completely understand it is quite annoying when we live in a constant fear that what will people think of me!! Am I that boring? How can I make other people like me?

When I was in school, this is what I exactly did!!! I literarily came across begging my classmates to be my friends and like me. I lost my self-respect, and even worse I lost myself in the midst of 'impressing, wanting to be liked, etc.' by my peers. What did I gain? I became extremely anxious (socially/generally/started having phobias which then I hid those feelings behind comfort eating!!).

So one day it really struck me. I decided to make a change!! From that day onwards, I simply did what I wished!! Not caring/impressing/being like by others!! I became I.

Like I always wanted to be in the best lean shape of my life - so I gave myself a goal!!! Successfully, I achieved it!! I did my first fat loss transformation (which is a life transformation) and guess what? All my anxiety/fears/depression etc. disappeared. As well as, I became fully vegan (only consuming whole food plant-based diet and incorporated meditation/yoga/religious practices in my daily lifestyle. Now, I am I and interestingly now people around me get attracted!!!

So, the answer was quite simple!! I just connected my body and my mind. Instead of looking for love from outside, I started loving myself.

This was my experience.

In your case, maybe try doing something just for yourself. If you have a fear that what will happen if no one like me, then are you saying to yourself that you cannot live with yourself? - these were the questions I used to ask myself.

Please tell me more about yourself. What are your hobbies? I would really like to help you out!!